"I'm not in this world to live up to your expectations and you're not in this world to live up to mine." - Bruce Lee, Actor
Without noticing it, you too may be suffering from the myriad ways in which expectations can undermine your life. I call it the tyranny of expectations. They plague your daily life, causing you to be irritable, disappointed, and disillusioned. Many times they lead you to say unkind words, act unskillfully, or make poor decisions. Expectations are so insidious that you can persist in maintaining them even after you have clear evidence that they are unfounded.
What is most amazing is that despite the suffering caused by your expectations, you hardly notice them most of the time. Sure, there may be a few big ones you are somewhat aware of, but even so, you only sort of notice them; you do not act to free yourself from their tyranny. Plus, there are countless smaller ones you never notice at all. It is only when you feel acute disappointment that you have any awareness of having been possessed by expectations. But for each of these moments of acute disappointment, you've experienced many hours of dissatisfaction, impatience, and tension that you never realized arose from your expectations.
The good news is that you do not have to continue to suffer from the tyranny of expectations. It is one of the most troublesome areas of life, yet it is also changeable. Muster up the Moxie to let go of your expectations of others AND yourself! Even a little effort makes a huge difference. But first you must penetrate the nature of expectations, observe how they manifest themselves in your life, and be able to access another way of approaching the future.
You may be surprised when you discover how much choice you have in letting go of expectations. As you have seen, there is nothing to be gained from a mind filled with expectation. But there is much to be gained by living out of your values with real effort and discipline. When you do this, you are showing up for what you value and discovering a sense of joy and ease that is independent of the conditions in your life.
"Confounding people's expectations was a way to maintain integrity." - Lindsey Buckingham, Fleetwood Mac
Valery is the modern day Auntie Mame. As a Moxie Master she will teach you how to have the confident courage to go after what you REALLY want with unrelenting drive and passion. That's Moxie! Claim your truth, own your power & command your stage with her unique fast Moxie Therapy process. Get going. Get it done. Moxie Up! today! Get free tips at http://www.MoxieTherapy.com
Showing posts with label self-sabotage. Show all posts
Showing posts with label self-sabotage. Show all posts
Thursday, April 15, 2010
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
Twitter Fights - A New Medium for Celebrity Self-Sabotage
HA!
That's often my first reaction when I open up the daily Calendar Section in the Los Angeles Times in the wee dark hours of each morning. This Monday morning's edition was no exception. Matea Gold reports that celebrities are taking their egoist rants about each other to the public stage and often rue the day they ever discovered Twitter. No longer do we need the paparazzi to hide in the bushes hoping to get a shot of celebrity self-sabotage. Superstars and those seeking superstardom have now cut out the middle man and publicize their own misguided emotional reactions to the events of their daily life. And they're getting quite good at self-destruction within 140 characters or less!
The latest celebrity feud to emerge out of the Twittersphere is the battle between Perez Hilton and Demi Moore. The two are duke-ing it out on Twitter over two posts by Hilton about Tallulah Willis' wardrobe. Perez thinks it's inappropriate for a 15-year old and showed photos to illustrate his point. Moore vigorously came to her daughter's defense claiming Perez is violating child pornography laws. Perez attacks Moore personally with a barb about menopause and Moore pushes Hilton again on his inappropriate exploitation of underage tushies threatening legal action. The spat goes on from there. The article shines light on other outbursts on the Twitter stage from Kirstie Alley, Ryan Seacrest, Mark Cuban and others.
What makes for an entertainment today, whether it be in the LA Times, Twitter, TMZ, Access Hollywood or any other media that follows the celebrity life is often a spotlight on a star acting badly. If the behavior leads to a personal train wreck, all the better. Why is that? Why do stars publicly act out and why does the public love to see it? Why do they jeopardize their public image with these public outbursts and temper tantrums?
Ego.
Self-destructive behavior of any kind by anyone is rooted in the ego defending itself against threat usually based in some sort of feeling of being victimized, being made "less than". Perez Hilton has his power to embarrass and publicly humiliate celebrities because these very same celebrities, including Demi Moore, and the general public gave it to him. Moore added force to Perez's power by giving his Tweet more energy and distribution with her response saying that he does not take violating child pornography laws very seriously. Perez responds to this a by attacking back with personal insult.
Events in and of themselves hold no power. A tushie shot is a tushie shot. Period. What a person has an event mean is what fuels the reaction, that will result in a good or bad outcome. Having a tushie shot taken in a public place mean that Perez Hilton supports child pornography is of Moore's own creation. Perez having Moore's response mean that she is menopausal, needs medication and lessons in parenting is all of his own creation. None of these meanings are true. These attached meanings and assumptions that are given to events are the fabrication of the ego to make itself feel better, to feel less victimized.
Truth is, you are a victim to no one and no thing unless you allow yourself to be. If Demi viewed the photo of her daughter as just a shot of yet another young girl wearing short shorts instead of child pornography involving her daughter there would be no power in Hilton's Tweet. If Demi didn't like Tallulah's butt hanging out of her shorts she could have addressed the wardrobe issue with her daughter, in private. Instead, there are now threats of a law suit that will also give more steam, energy and attention to the story and to the continued publication of the young tushie.
If Perez took Demi's reaction to the Tweet as that of a protective parent rather than a personal accusation that he is a child pornographer his ego would not rise to personally attack Demi Moore to hurt or embarrass her rather than have anything to do with the photo itself. There would be no pending lawsuit, no more energy given to the dispute. That would also mean that Perez would pass on an opportunity to engage a celebrity in a public fight that only he can win. Whether Perez is right or not is irrelevant. His ratings, viewership, will rise no matter what outcome results. Perez wins because the public's ego loves to see rich and famous celebrities acting badly to feed their own egos, feelings of inferiority, and to boost their own self-esteem. "See, these superstar people aren't any better than me!"
The minute you think any one or any thing (the economy, the glass ceiling, etc.) has power over you, you become its victim. Most often, people are the victim of their own ego, their own Inner Critic. Guess what, your Inner Critic lies! When you get that fearful, panicky, blood-boiling, feeling inside and you react from that state know that you are following the lead of your frighten Inner Critic who is misguidedly fighting for your own sense of self-worth. When you are should-ing all over someone or judging (telling others that they should do or be this or that), your ego has your power. You are no longer in control. Whenever you act in the state of an empowered ego you will not achieve the outcome you desire. All you can do is add 'evidence' to support your feelings of being victimized.
A teenage butt peeking out of short shorts on a public street is not child pornography and Moore's reaction is not the result of hormone imbalances or bad parenting. What is being fought over is a bunch of made up stuff by the very people who are feuding in the public arena.
To turn self-destructive behavior into life-affirming behavior just wake up! Wake up to how you feel. Your emotions are indicators of whether you are listening to that higher power within you, what I playfully call the Inner Wizard, or that frightened four-year old, the Inner Critic, who is having a temper tantrum. In that moment, mindfully monitor your thoughts. Are you giving up your power, allowing yourself to become a victim of the incident? If you are, reach for a new perspective. Take action that will result in what you want to achieve, no more publicized daughter's tushie shots, instead of what you do not want to achieve, more daughter butt shots spread over even more media outlets.
And to those who salivate over celebrity self-sabotage, take note over what you have the public outburst mean about you. If you feel better about yourself, more superior, as a result of someone else's bad behavior, know that you have given your power of personal self-esteem over to the celebrity and to those who report the irrational antics of these stars.
Valery is a Superstar Mindset Mentor & Coach who teaches people to tap into their inner power & wisdom, get out of their own way & fully invest themselves in their creative endeavors. Clients also learn how to root out self-sabotaging behavior that can land them on TMZ! Empower the Wizard Within, http://www.InnerWizard.com Get Free "Empower the Wizard Within tips"!
That's often my first reaction when I open up the daily Calendar Section in the Los Angeles Times in the wee dark hours of each morning. This Monday morning's edition was no exception. Matea Gold reports that celebrities are taking their egoist rants about each other to the public stage and often rue the day they ever discovered Twitter. No longer do we need the paparazzi to hide in the bushes hoping to get a shot of celebrity self-sabotage. Superstars and those seeking superstardom have now cut out the middle man and publicize their own misguided emotional reactions to the events of their daily life. And they're getting quite good at self-destruction within 140 characters or less!
The latest celebrity feud to emerge out of the Twittersphere is the battle between Perez Hilton and Demi Moore. The two are duke-ing it out on Twitter over two posts by Hilton about Tallulah Willis' wardrobe. Perez thinks it's inappropriate for a 15-year old and showed photos to illustrate his point. Moore vigorously came to her daughter's defense claiming Perez is violating child pornography laws. Perez attacks Moore personally with a barb about menopause and Moore pushes Hilton again on his inappropriate exploitation of underage tushies threatening legal action. The spat goes on from there. The article shines light on other outbursts on the Twitter stage from Kirstie Alley, Ryan Seacrest, Mark Cuban and others.
What makes for an entertainment today, whether it be in the LA Times, Twitter, TMZ, Access Hollywood or any other media that follows the celebrity life is often a spotlight on a star acting badly. If the behavior leads to a personal train wreck, all the better. Why is that? Why do stars publicly act out and why does the public love to see it? Why do they jeopardize their public image with these public outbursts and temper tantrums?
Ego.
Self-destructive behavior of any kind by anyone is rooted in the ego defending itself against threat usually based in some sort of feeling of being victimized, being made "less than". Perez Hilton has his power to embarrass and publicly humiliate celebrities because these very same celebrities, including Demi Moore, and the general public gave it to him. Moore added force to Perez's power by giving his Tweet more energy and distribution with her response saying that he does not take violating child pornography laws very seriously. Perez responds to this a by attacking back with personal insult.
Events in and of themselves hold no power. A tushie shot is a tushie shot. Period. What a person has an event mean is what fuels the reaction, that will result in a good or bad outcome. Having a tushie shot taken in a public place mean that Perez Hilton supports child pornography is of Moore's own creation. Perez having Moore's response mean that she is menopausal, needs medication and lessons in parenting is all of his own creation. None of these meanings are true. These attached meanings and assumptions that are given to events are the fabrication of the ego to make itself feel better, to feel less victimized.
Truth is, you are a victim to no one and no thing unless you allow yourself to be. If Demi viewed the photo of her daughter as just a shot of yet another young girl wearing short shorts instead of child pornography involving her daughter there would be no power in Hilton's Tweet. If Demi didn't like Tallulah's butt hanging out of her shorts she could have addressed the wardrobe issue with her daughter, in private. Instead, there are now threats of a law suit that will also give more steam, energy and attention to the story and to the continued publication of the young tushie.
If Perez took Demi's reaction to the Tweet as that of a protective parent rather than a personal accusation that he is a child pornographer his ego would not rise to personally attack Demi Moore to hurt or embarrass her rather than have anything to do with the photo itself. There would be no pending lawsuit, no more energy given to the dispute. That would also mean that Perez would pass on an opportunity to engage a celebrity in a public fight that only he can win. Whether Perez is right or not is irrelevant. His ratings, viewership, will rise no matter what outcome results. Perez wins because the public's ego loves to see rich and famous celebrities acting badly to feed their own egos, feelings of inferiority, and to boost their own self-esteem. "See, these superstar people aren't any better than me!"
The minute you think any one or any thing (the economy, the glass ceiling, etc.) has power over you, you become its victim. Most often, people are the victim of their own ego, their own Inner Critic. Guess what, your Inner Critic lies! When you get that fearful, panicky, blood-boiling, feeling inside and you react from that state know that you are following the lead of your frighten Inner Critic who is misguidedly fighting for your own sense of self-worth. When you are should-ing all over someone or judging (telling others that they should do or be this or that), your ego has your power. You are no longer in control. Whenever you act in the state of an empowered ego you will not achieve the outcome you desire. All you can do is add 'evidence' to support your feelings of being victimized.
A teenage butt peeking out of short shorts on a public street is not child pornography and Moore's reaction is not the result of hormone imbalances or bad parenting. What is being fought over is a bunch of made up stuff by the very people who are feuding in the public arena.
To turn self-destructive behavior into life-affirming behavior just wake up! Wake up to how you feel. Your emotions are indicators of whether you are listening to that higher power within you, what I playfully call the Inner Wizard, or that frightened four-year old, the Inner Critic, who is having a temper tantrum. In that moment, mindfully monitor your thoughts. Are you giving up your power, allowing yourself to become a victim of the incident? If you are, reach for a new perspective. Take action that will result in what you want to achieve, no more publicized daughter's tushie shots, instead of what you do not want to achieve, more daughter butt shots spread over even more media outlets.
And to those who salivate over celebrity self-sabotage, take note over what you have the public outburst mean about you. If you feel better about yourself, more superior, as a result of someone else's bad behavior, know that you have given your power of personal self-esteem over to the celebrity and to those who report the irrational antics of these stars.
Valery is a Superstar Mindset Mentor & Coach who teaches people to tap into their inner power & wisdom, get out of their own way & fully invest themselves in their creative endeavors. Clients also learn how to root out self-sabotaging behavior that can land them on TMZ! Empower the Wizard Within, http://www.InnerWizard.com Get Free "Empower the Wizard Within tips"!
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
Michael Jackson: An Unfortunate Example of "What You Resist, Persists"
I was not surprised to learn in recent interviews with Rabbi Shmuley Boteach, former close confidante to Michael Jackson, that Michael lost the will to live. He was embarrassed to go out in public. He had mutilated his face so much through unnecessary plastic surgery that he thought he looked like "a lizard". All of his face enhancement procedures were in a desperate desire to look like someone who could be loveable. The more he resisted his misguided feelings of inadequacy the more inadequate he felt about himself.
"What you resist persists." – Carl Jung
As phenomenally talented as he was, all he saw when he looked in the mirror was ugliness. What he wanted most was to be loved. Oh, he was idolized by fans, then criticized and finally, laughed at for being "Wacko Jacko". In the taped conversations between Rabbi Boteach and Michael Jackson, Michael reveled that he wrapped his self validation around his physical appearance. Here again, he completely discounts his natural talents and tremendous gift to the world. For Michael, if he didn't look like his warped definition of what was lovable, love would be fleeting if not impossible to achieve.
There isn't a plastic surgeon, adoring fan or intimate relationship in the world that can make a person feel lovable and loved if they don't hold love for themselves within. Period. Add several exclamation points for extra emphasis. Since Michael didn't think that he was someone who could be loved for who he is, he feared that he would enter into his elder years alone and lonely. This self-loathing and fear was so intense that Michael, perhaps unknowingly, found a way to make sure that dreaded state of existence never became his reality. He didn't live beyond 50 years of age.
That's the sad truth of it all. If you hold a belief about yourself - good or bad - you will make sure that your thoughts, actions and outcomes justify, support and validate that belief. If you think you are unloveable you will make it hard for anyone else, let alone yourself, to love you. If you think you're not smart/talented/rich/lucky/good/worthy/ or "whatever" enough to experience your deepest desires you will work hard to make sure to create evidence to validate that belief. You bought into that belief and, by gosh, you'll do whatever you have to do to justify that purchase.
"We don't see things as they are. We see things as we are." Anais Nin
- Not smart enough - you'll hold yourself back from challenges that require a higher level of intelligence than you think you have.
- Not talented enough - you'll hold yourself back from pushing beyond where you think - Not worthy enough - you'll make sure that you don't acquire (or keep if acquired) possessions, career positions or relationship that you think are beyond your worth.
"Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they're yours." -Richard Bach
When you see or read about someone who seemingly has everything - a fabulous career and all the abundance that can come with it - self-destruct in public humiliation there is a good chance that their self-sabotaging behavior is rooted in a belief system that does not support all they have achieved. Usually the fallen friend, celebrity, or politician will Find Excuses And Reasons (F.E.A.R.) to explain their erratic behavior. The truth is, they often just fear that it's only a matter of time before the public finds out the 'truth' about them. This truth is the misguided belief.
Know this, if you discover that you're complaining (resisting) that someone doesn't love, value, respect, consider, appreciate, or whatever you think they don't give you enough of, what is really going on is that you do not hold this same belief about yourself. You don't love, value, respect, consider, appreciate, etc. yourself. If you held those things within you for yourself you would not be looking to others to feel loved, valued or respected. You would have it whether anyone else gave it to you or not. And as presented earlier, you cannot receive what you don't already have within.
So, stop resisting! Be willing to accept and embrace all parts of your. Where you feel "not enough" look for evidence to shine light on experiences where you were most certainly, enough! For example, if you think you are not smart enough, look at all the things you've learned! If you think you're not pretty enough, let the beauty that is within you shine through. There is nothing more stunning than a person who carries beauty and grace within them.
Be willing to let go of your resistance. Notice how your energy shifts and increases as you show up in your day going with the flow instead of pushing against it. If you don't believe me know that your unwillingness to consider this possibility is a form of resistance. All you have to do is turn your focus upon that which you want instead of what you do not want. Just 'try it on' for a couple of days and see if your experiences shift a bit as you create this new perspective.
"Life is the color you paint it." ~ Sophia Elise
Valery is a Superstar Mindset Mentor & Coach who helps creative people get out of their own way so that they can overcome the struggles in the life of an actor, artist, performer & creative entrepreneur. Clients learn how to tap into their inner wisdom & get out of their own Inner Critic way; stop self-sabotaging behavior. Empower the Wizard Within, inspire the Inner Muse. http://www.InnerWizard.com Free "Empower the Wizard Within tips"!
"What you resist persists." – Carl Jung
As phenomenally talented as he was, all he saw when he looked in the mirror was ugliness. What he wanted most was to be loved. Oh, he was idolized by fans, then criticized and finally, laughed at for being "Wacko Jacko". In the taped conversations between Rabbi Boteach and Michael Jackson, Michael reveled that he wrapped his self validation around his physical appearance. Here again, he completely discounts his natural talents and tremendous gift to the world. For Michael, if he didn't look like his warped definition of what was lovable, love would be fleeting if not impossible to achieve.
There isn't a plastic surgeon, adoring fan or intimate relationship in the world that can make a person feel lovable and loved if they don't hold love for themselves within. Period. Add several exclamation points for extra emphasis. Since Michael didn't think that he was someone who could be loved for who he is, he feared that he would enter into his elder years alone and lonely. This self-loathing and fear was so intense that Michael, perhaps unknowingly, found a way to make sure that dreaded state of existence never became his reality. He didn't live beyond 50 years of age.
That's the sad truth of it all. If you hold a belief about yourself - good or bad - you will make sure that your thoughts, actions and outcomes justify, support and validate that belief. If you think you are unloveable you will make it hard for anyone else, let alone yourself, to love you. If you think you're not smart/talented/rich/lucky/good/worthy/ or "whatever" enough to experience your deepest desires you will work hard to make sure to create evidence to validate that belief. You bought into that belief and, by gosh, you'll do whatever you have to do to justify that purchase.
"We don't see things as they are. We see things as we are." Anais Nin
- Not smart enough - you'll hold yourself back from challenges that require a higher level of intelligence than you think you have.
- Not talented enough - you'll hold yourself back from pushing beyond where you think - Not worthy enough - you'll make sure that you don't acquire (or keep if acquired) possessions, career positions or relationship that you think are beyond your worth.
"Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they're yours." -Richard Bach
When you see or read about someone who seemingly has everything - a fabulous career and all the abundance that can come with it - self-destruct in public humiliation there is a good chance that their self-sabotaging behavior is rooted in a belief system that does not support all they have achieved. Usually the fallen friend, celebrity, or politician will Find Excuses And Reasons (F.E.A.R.) to explain their erratic behavior. The truth is, they often just fear that it's only a matter of time before the public finds out the 'truth' about them. This truth is the misguided belief.
Know this, if you discover that you're complaining (resisting) that someone doesn't love, value, respect, consider, appreciate, or whatever you think they don't give you enough of, what is really going on is that you do not hold this same belief about yourself. You don't love, value, respect, consider, appreciate, etc. yourself. If you held those things within you for yourself you would not be looking to others to feel loved, valued or respected. You would have it whether anyone else gave it to you or not. And as presented earlier, you cannot receive what you don't already have within.
So, stop resisting! Be willing to accept and embrace all parts of your. Where you feel "not enough" look for evidence to shine light on experiences where you were most certainly, enough! For example, if you think you are not smart enough, look at all the things you've learned! If you think you're not pretty enough, let the beauty that is within you shine through. There is nothing more stunning than a person who carries beauty and grace within them.
Be willing to let go of your resistance. Notice how your energy shifts and increases as you show up in your day going with the flow instead of pushing against it. If you don't believe me know that your unwillingness to consider this possibility is a form of resistance. All you have to do is turn your focus upon that which you want instead of what you do not want. Just 'try it on' for a couple of days and see if your experiences shift a bit as you create this new perspective.
"Life is the color you paint it." ~ Sophia Elise
Valery is a Superstar Mindset Mentor & Coach who helps creative people get out of their own way so that they can overcome the struggles in the life of an actor, artist, performer & creative entrepreneur. Clients learn how to tap into their inner wisdom & get out of their own Inner Critic way; stop self-sabotaging behavior. Empower the Wizard Within, inspire the Inner Muse. http://www.InnerWizard.com Free "Empower the Wizard Within tips"!
Thursday, September 17, 2009
Are Outrageous Outbursts Now an Effective PR Tool? Oh My!
"Lions and tigers and bears, oh my!" - Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz
The media is filled with bizarre tales of rude and downright bizarre behavior that was once exhibited by self-loathing attention seeking narcissists and now may be used as a clever inexpensive tool for massive publicity. In the age where 'all publicity is good publicity' are high profile outbusts a result of an emotional dysfunction or a clever media attention grabbing ruse? One has to wonder.
The bad behavior we have seen fill our newspapers, Internet and television screens recently indicate that as a publicity tactic, acting out in appropriately is a very effective and economical public boost in awareness tactic. Apparently there are little or no negative consequences anymore for public displays of injury and insult to others in order to promote an egoic agenda. It seems that the more outrageous the behavior, the higher one moves up the ladder to fame and fortune.
Oh my!
Not many people ever heard of Rep. Joe Wilson before he barked "You lie!" at President Barack Obama during his televised address to the nation. Singer Kanye West's star status rose dramatically when he grabbed the microphone away from Video Music Award winner Taylor Swift to announce to the world his preference for Beyonce. Still this week, tennis great Serena Williams didn't like a call made against her by a line judge in a tennis match to she engaged in a diatribe of profanity. Again, all of these incidents were televised over and over again to the masses increasing the visibility and popularity of the individuals who committed what was once humiliating potentially career ending actions.
Those who exhibit offensive behavior then get to enjoy a media frenzy of interviews, articles and re-broadcasts of their attention grabbing moment. The offender gets to apologize on every media platform available, further increasing public awareness. Even those who never heard of these celebrity now talk about them around water coolers, dinner tables, blogs and chat rooms. Copycats seeking fame are now inspired by emotional outbursts instead of a compelling performance.
I get that I am adding to the attention by writing on this subject. What disturbs me enough to devote energy to the topic of how bad behavior has become an effective publicity stunt is that, as a deliberate PR tactic, these events have dramatically increased in frequency. At the number of incidents has increased the stardom of those who commit such public temper tantrums has risen even more dramatically. Irresponsible behavior is now rewarded. Irresponsible behavior, public attacks on other people, now results in furthering a personal agenda. What kind of life-affirming lesson is that?
"If you come to fame not understanding who you are, it will define who you are." - Oprah Winfrey
It will be interesting to see if the long-term results of such misguided behavior. The self-loathing narcissist who thinks any attention will make him feel better about himself will eventually either get that he is spiraling downward in an ocean of self-sabotage and seek more positive ways of making his star shine or he will continue to expand upon his erratic behavior until it becomes his ruination. For those who end up completely bankrupt, repeatedly in jail or dead of a drug overdose no amount of attention can fill the void, the emptiness, felt within. Those who decide to get off the roller coaster of self-defeat often awe us with stunning comebacks. Robert Downey, Jr. and Mickey Rourke are two shining examples of such an inspiring turnaround.
Those who act out as a publicity stunt will continue to behave inappropriately for attention until the media and the public tune them out or respond with our pocketbooks. If we no longer pay attention to or support those who seek to move up the ladder of fame through stomping all over other people then we send the message that we endorse positive energy and move away from negativity. How we react to such social dysfunction is our responsibility and mirrors what we value. So, it is your choice. To what behaviors will you model and devote your energy? I will tell you this, where energy and focus goes, experience flows. Be mindful of your choice. Will you speak and act at the expense of others or positively in the direction of your dreams?
"But once I acclimated and really used fame for what it was offering me as a tool to serve my life purpose of inspiring and contributing, then it started to get fun again." - Alanis Morissette
Valery is a Superstar Wizard Mindset Mentor & Coach who helps creative people get out of their own way so that they can overcome the struggles in the life of an actor, artist, performer & creative entrepreneur. Clients learn how to tap into their inner wisdom & get out of their own Inner Critic way; stop self-sabotaging behavior. Empower the Wizard Within, inspire the Inner Muse. http://www.InnerWizard.com Free "Empower the Wizard Within tips"!
The media is filled with bizarre tales of rude and downright bizarre behavior that was once exhibited by self-loathing attention seeking narcissists and now may be used as a clever inexpensive tool for massive publicity. In the age where 'all publicity is good publicity' are high profile outbusts a result of an emotional dysfunction or a clever media attention grabbing ruse? One has to wonder.
The bad behavior we have seen fill our newspapers, Internet and television screens recently indicate that as a publicity tactic, acting out in appropriately is a very effective and economical public boost in awareness tactic. Apparently there are little or no negative consequences anymore for public displays of injury and insult to others in order to promote an egoic agenda. It seems that the more outrageous the behavior, the higher one moves up the ladder to fame and fortune.
Oh my!
Not many people ever heard of Rep. Joe Wilson before he barked "You lie!" at President Barack Obama during his televised address to the nation. Singer Kanye West's star status rose dramatically when he grabbed the microphone away from Video Music Award winner Taylor Swift to announce to the world his preference for Beyonce. Still this week, tennis great Serena Williams didn't like a call made against her by a line judge in a tennis match to she engaged in a diatribe of profanity. Again, all of these incidents were televised over and over again to the masses increasing the visibility and popularity of the individuals who committed what was once humiliating potentially career ending actions.
Those who exhibit offensive behavior then get to enjoy a media frenzy of interviews, articles and re-broadcasts of their attention grabbing moment. The offender gets to apologize on every media platform available, further increasing public awareness. Even those who never heard of these celebrity now talk about them around water coolers, dinner tables, blogs and chat rooms. Copycats seeking fame are now inspired by emotional outbursts instead of a compelling performance.
I get that I am adding to the attention by writing on this subject. What disturbs me enough to devote energy to the topic of how bad behavior has become an effective publicity stunt is that, as a deliberate PR tactic, these events have dramatically increased in frequency. At the number of incidents has increased the stardom of those who commit such public temper tantrums has risen even more dramatically. Irresponsible behavior is now rewarded. Irresponsible behavior, public attacks on other people, now results in furthering a personal agenda. What kind of life-affirming lesson is that?
"If you come to fame not understanding who you are, it will define who you are." - Oprah Winfrey
It will be interesting to see if the long-term results of such misguided behavior. The self-loathing narcissist who thinks any attention will make him feel better about himself will eventually either get that he is spiraling downward in an ocean of self-sabotage and seek more positive ways of making his star shine or he will continue to expand upon his erratic behavior until it becomes his ruination. For those who end up completely bankrupt, repeatedly in jail or dead of a drug overdose no amount of attention can fill the void, the emptiness, felt within. Those who decide to get off the roller coaster of self-defeat often awe us with stunning comebacks. Robert Downey, Jr. and Mickey Rourke are two shining examples of such an inspiring turnaround.
Those who act out as a publicity stunt will continue to behave inappropriately for attention until the media and the public tune them out or respond with our pocketbooks. If we no longer pay attention to or support those who seek to move up the ladder of fame through stomping all over other people then we send the message that we endorse positive energy and move away from negativity. How we react to such social dysfunction is our responsibility and mirrors what we value. So, it is your choice. To what behaviors will you model and devote your energy? I will tell you this, where energy and focus goes, experience flows. Be mindful of your choice. Will you speak and act at the expense of others or positively in the direction of your dreams?
"But once I acclimated and really used fame for what it was offering me as a tool to serve my life purpose of inspiring and contributing, then it started to get fun again." - Alanis Morissette
Valery is a Superstar Wizard Mindset Mentor & Coach who helps creative people get out of their own way so that they can overcome the struggles in the life of an actor, artist, performer & creative entrepreneur. Clients learn how to tap into their inner wisdom & get out of their own Inner Critic way; stop self-sabotaging behavior. Empower the Wizard Within, inspire the Inner Muse. http://www.InnerWizard.com Free "Empower the Wizard Within tips"!
Thursday, September 10, 2009
How Actress Courteney Cox Empowers the Wizard Within
Hardly a day goes by when I don't read or hear of some celebrity or politician publicly humiliating themselves in an unconscious act of self-sabotage. Some get up, brush themselves off, learn a few life lessons and go on to reach even higher levels of achievement. Others take a few steps back towards recovery only to rush head first into the desperate wall of self destruction again and again. It is disheartening to see someone who takes the dream that they've passionately pursued for so long and slam it hard against the wall.
Therefore, I was delighted to read the article by Kate Aurthur in last Sunday's Los Angeles Times newspaper about Courteney Cox "Courteney Cox: 'Cougar Town's' Really Normal Hollywood Star". Courteney enjoys a happy home life with her husband and daughter and actively surrounds herself with friends and activities in and outside of her work that enrich her life experience. That is the Courteney Cox of today. In the article, Courteney describes an earlier life filled with self-doubt and frustration over the fact that someone else hadn't trusted her enough to hire her for a role that would make her a success. I encourage you to find the article online and read the full text.
"I don't know how I thought all of these things were going to happen without really going for stuff. I don't know whether I didn't think I deserved it or whether I was just shy. I'm not sure." - Courteney Cox
Courteney realized that sitting, hoping and waiting for someone else to create her success for her only served to place her life experience in the hands of someone else. She discovered that in order to achieve the life of her dreams she would not only have to star in that role, she would have to mindfully write the script and direct the action. Not willing to live her life as such a victim, Courteney would have to be responsible for her life experience, stand centered and confident in the truth of who she is and what she wants in order to create the magical life she is enjoying now.
"You can live a very normal life if you don't actually look for things." - Courteney Cox
Courteney has also learned that where focus goes experience flows. She directs her attention on what she wants to bring forth, whether it be on the many homes she renovates and redecorates to the challenging roles and projects she and her husband create with their production company. Instead of regularly scanning the tabloids for gossip about herself and others she knows in the entertainment industry, Courtney devotes her time to what ignites her passion and inspires her Muse. This constant flow of positive energy has given her much of the serenity and peace that is not lost on those who know her.
"She is the most down-to-earth real human being - probably in Hollywood." - Marta Kaufffman, "Friends co-creator on Courteney Cox
Courteney continues to shape her life and expand her career with grace. Once a rebellious teen, Courtney now uses that energy to lend her support for numerous charities including "Stamp Out Violence Against Women in the Congo" and to her friends in their time of need. Sheryl Crow credits having a good friend like Courteney Cox as a force that helped her get through her recent battle with breast cancer. With her new show, "Cougar Town" premiering later this month Courtney flows knowing that she has the personal internal power to create the roles she wants to portray and the life story that is the fullest expression of her potential. I, like many, are looking forward to the next chapter.
"Now I'm much more confident. And I believe that things are exactly the way they are supposed to be." - Courteney Cox
Valery is an Artist Mindset Mentor & Coach who helps creative people get out of their own way so that they can overcome the struggles in the life of an actor, artist and performer. Clients learn how to express their full potential to get out of their own way & stop self-sabotaging behavior. Empower the Wizard Within , inspire your Inner Muse. http://www.InnerWizard.com Get Free "Empower the Wizard Within tips"!
Therefore, I was delighted to read the article by Kate Aurthur in last Sunday's Los Angeles Times newspaper about Courteney Cox "Courteney Cox: 'Cougar Town's' Really Normal Hollywood Star". Courteney enjoys a happy home life with her husband and daughter and actively surrounds herself with friends and activities in and outside of her work that enrich her life experience. That is the Courteney Cox of today. In the article, Courteney describes an earlier life filled with self-doubt and frustration over the fact that someone else hadn't trusted her enough to hire her for a role that would make her a success. I encourage you to find the article online and read the full text.
"I don't know how I thought all of these things were going to happen without really going for stuff. I don't know whether I didn't think I deserved it or whether I was just shy. I'm not sure." - Courteney Cox
Courteney realized that sitting, hoping and waiting for someone else to create her success for her only served to place her life experience in the hands of someone else. She discovered that in order to achieve the life of her dreams she would not only have to star in that role, she would have to mindfully write the script and direct the action. Not willing to live her life as such a victim, Courteney would have to be responsible for her life experience, stand centered and confident in the truth of who she is and what she wants in order to create the magical life she is enjoying now.
"You can live a very normal life if you don't actually look for things." - Courteney Cox
Courteney has also learned that where focus goes experience flows. She directs her attention on what she wants to bring forth, whether it be on the many homes she renovates and redecorates to the challenging roles and projects she and her husband create with their production company. Instead of regularly scanning the tabloids for gossip about herself and others she knows in the entertainment industry, Courtney devotes her time to what ignites her passion and inspires her Muse. This constant flow of positive energy has given her much of the serenity and peace that is not lost on those who know her.
"She is the most down-to-earth real human being - probably in Hollywood." - Marta Kaufffman, "Friends co-creator on Courteney Cox
Courteney continues to shape her life and expand her career with grace. Once a rebellious teen, Courtney now uses that energy to lend her support for numerous charities including "Stamp Out Violence Against Women in the Congo" and to her friends in their time of need. Sheryl Crow credits having a good friend like Courteney Cox as a force that helped her get through her recent battle with breast cancer. With her new show, "Cougar Town" premiering later this month Courtney flows knowing that she has the personal internal power to create the roles she wants to portray and the life story that is the fullest expression of her potential. I, like many, are looking forward to the next chapter.
"Now I'm much more confident. And I believe that things are exactly the way they are supposed to be." - Courteney Cox
Valery is an Artist Mindset Mentor & Coach who helps creative people get out of their own way so that they can overcome the struggles in the life of an actor, artist and performer. Clients learn how to express their full potential to get out of their own way & stop self-sabotaging behavior. Empower the Wizard Within , inspire your Inner Muse. http://www.InnerWizard.com Get Free "Empower the Wizard Within tips"!
Monday, June 15, 2009
Why Successful Actors Self-Sabotage
I opened up Sunday's Parade Magazine and read an article about "The Mixed-Up Life of Shia LaBeouf" written by Dotson Rader. Shia is a 23-year old wildly successful actor who's latest film is "Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen". I saw the irony in the title of the article and the title of the movie.
Like many people, successful or not, Shia is searching to find his place in and the meaning of life. He is struggling with honoring his own authenticity and has no answers about who he is and what he is here to contribute. Already at such a young age Shia has achieved the holy grail of wealth and fame. So how can someone who has achieved so much, has the recognition and financial freedom most people long for, be in such emotional pain?
According to Rader, “I don’t handle fame well,” LaBeouf says. “Most actors on most days don’t think they’re worthy. I have no idea where this insecurity comes from, but it’s a God-sized hole. If I knew, I’d fill it, and I’d be on my way.” Already a self-proclaimed alcoholic, Shia says he doesn't know what he's doing as an actor or why people like him. Shia thinks acting is a con game of luck and ambition. Shia became an actor for the money only to discover that the money, abundant as it is, doesn't satisfy the deeper fulfillment that can only come from self-awareness.
Shia's total self-worth is wrapped in whether or not people on the street recognize him. He desperately seeks validation from the opinion of others. If the flame of fame is extinguished who would he be? If Shia believes that he is not worthy of the wealth and fame he has received then he will continue to self-sabotage until he has no more wealth and fame.
A person who self-sabotages has the mindset of a victim. If you're identity and self-esteem is dependent upon others in any way then you live the life of a victim. A victim's life can only be one of desperation and anxiety.
Victims do not take responsibility for their own life experiences. Victims surrender their personal power over to other people or other things. "It's the economy, the glass ceiling, or 'the system'" is a typical mantra of the victim. Something outside of them is the reason the victim lives a seemingly meaningless and often destructive life. Wallowing in feeling victimized can be appealing. Being a victim can be used to attract attention to oneself. If your self-worth is tied to the amount of attention you get from others then you have set the stage for a lifetime of victimization - mostly generated from yourself!
"I have never been contained except when I made the prison." - Mary Evans, 1888-1976, British Actress
The moment you give up your personal power to someone else is the moment you become a victim of rather than the creator of your life. Each and every person has the power to create what he or she wants to be, do or have in life. How you show up in life determines your life experience.
People with a victim mentality feel powerless to make changes in their lives because they think that the elements of their lives are out of their control. People with a victim mentality often self-sabotage to provide further evidence of their victimization. A victim points at someone else or some other thing as being responsible for all his or her pleasure and/or anguish. People with a victim mentality think their actions are justified because of what others have done to them. What a victim does not realize is that he is only a victim to his own thoughts and belief system, not anyone else.
The victim shows up in life as a victim and is, therefore, victimized. If not by others then by himself. He becomes victimized by his own woefully misguided Inner Critic. The Inner Critic is a byproduct of your conditioning, compulsions and secret agendas. People who self-sabotage surrender to this inner tyranny. Such a victim is unable to see objectively into the nature of reality and into the nature of his own authentic inner being. When you are not fully conscious to what you are experiencing you won't fully realize the extent to which negative impressions are infiltrating your life with which you are acting upon.
To transition from the life of a victim to the life of a powerful being who deliberately creates the life experiences she chooses you must discover and honor who you are at your innermost core. Your thoughts and actions must be in alignment with this truth. You must stand centered in this truth of who you are. Eliminating self-sabotage depends upon your integrity with your truth. You must end the internal war between what is often called your Higher Self and your Inner Critic with the Higher Self prevailing. You must take full responsibility for the life you live, appreciate the gifts in the lessons learned from your mistakes, and passionately pursue your authentic dreams for that is what you are here to do.
If you show up in your life in integrity and alignment with your authenticity I promise you a life of fulfillment and utter joy.
“Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.” - Dr. Seuss
Valery Satterwhite is an Artist Mindset Mentor who helps creative people get out of their own way so that they can overcome the struggles that often come packaged with the life of a visual & performing artist. Clients learn how to express their full potential deliberately & responsibly to create more passionately, profoundly, productively and profitably. Empower the Wizard Within to actualize and express your full creative potential. http://www.InnerWizard.com. Get Free "Empower the Wizard Within tips"!
Like many people, successful or not, Shia is searching to find his place in and the meaning of life. He is struggling with honoring his own authenticity and has no answers about who he is and what he is here to contribute. Already at such a young age Shia has achieved the holy grail of wealth and fame. So how can someone who has achieved so much, has the recognition and financial freedom most people long for, be in such emotional pain?
According to Rader, “I don’t handle fame well,” LaBeouf says. “Most actors on most days don’t think they’re worthy. I have no idea where this insecurity comes from, but it’s a God-sized hole. If I knew, I’d fill it, and I’d be on my way.” Already a self-proclaimed alcoholic, Shia says he doesn't know what he's doing as an actor or why people like him. Shia thinks acting is a con game of luck and ambition. Shia became an actor for the money only to discover that the money, abundant as it is, doesn't satisfy the deeper fulfillment that can only come from self-awareness.
Shia's total self-worth is wrapped in whether or not people on the street recognize him. He desperately seeks validation from the opinion of others. If the flame of fame is extinguished who would he be? If Shia believes that he is not worthy of the wealth and fame he has received then he will continue to self-sabotage until he has no more wealth and fame.
A person who self-sabotages has the mindset of a victim. If you're identity and self-esteem is dependent upon others in any way then you live the life of a victim. A victim's life can only be one of desperation and anxiety.
Victims do not take responsibility for their own life experiences. Victims surrender their personal power over to other people or other things. "It's the economy, the glass ceiling, or 'the system'" is a typical mantra of the victim. Something outside of them is the reason the victim lives a seemingly meaningless and often destructive life. Wallowing in feeling victimized can be appealing. Being a victim can be used to attract attention to oneself. If your self-worth is tied to the amount of attention you get from others then you have set the stage for a lifetime of victimization - mostly generated from yourself!
"I have never been contained except when I made the prison." - Mary Evans, 1888-1976, British Actress
The moment you give up your personal power to someone else is the moment you become a victim of rather than the creator of your life. Each and every person has the power to create what he or she wants to be, do or have in life. How you show up in life determines your life experience.
People with a victim mentality feel powerless to make changes in their lives because they think that the elements of their lives are out of their control. People with a victim mentality often self-sabotage to provide further evidence of their victimization. A victim points at someone else or some other thing as being responsible for all his or her pleasure and/or anguish. People with a victim mentality think their actions are justified because of what others have done to them. What a victim does not realize is that he is only a victim to his own thoughts and belief system, not anyone else.
The victim shows up in life as a victim and is, therefore, victimized. If not by others then by himself. He becomes victimized by his own woefully misguided Inner Critic. The Inner Critic is a byproduct of your conditioning, compulsions and secret agendas. People who self-sabotage surrender to this inner tyranny. Such a victim is unable to see objectively into the nature of reality and into the nature of his own authentic inner being. When you are not fully conscious to what you are experiencing you won't fully realize the extent to which negative impressions are infiltrating your life with which you are acting upon.
To transition from the life of a victim to the life of a powerful being who deliberately creates the life experiences she chooses you must discover and honor who you are at your innermost core. Your thoughts and actions must be in alignment with this truth. You must stand centered in this truth of who you are. Eliminating self-sabotage depends upon your integrity with your truth. You must end the internal war between what is often called your Higher Self and your Inner Critic with the Higher Self prevailing. You must take full responsibility for the life you live, appreciate the gifts in the lessons learned from your mistakes, and passionately pursue your authentic dreams for that is what you are here to do.
If you show up in your life in integrity and alignment with your authenticity I promise you a life of fulfillment and utter joy.
“Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.” - Dr. Seuss
Valery Satterwhite is an Artist Mindset Mentor who helps creative people get out of their own way so that they can overcome the struggles that often come packaged with the life of a visual & performing artist. Clients learn how to express their full potential deliberately & responsibly to create more passionately, profoundly, productively and profitably. Empower the Wizard Within to actualize and express your full creative potential. http://www.InnerWizard.com. Get Free "Empower the Wizard Within tips"!
Friday, June 12, 2009
The Key to Financial Freedom for Artists, Actors, Writers & Musicians
Well-meaning, yet woefully misguided, advice from parents, teachers and other loved ones such as "You'll never make a living as an artist" has become the foundational belief and mantra of the artist's Inner Critic. What's worse is that this also woefully misguided Inner Critic loves to be right and will serve up proof and evidence of this belief and beat you up with it day in and day out to make sure that you do, or not do, what it takes to keep this foundational belief in place. Acting upon the Inner Critic mantra of "You'll never make a living as an artist." your thoughts and actions create the outcome of the starving artist. And the Inner Critic is pleased. This supreme inner entity, this 'knower of all', is doing its job of keeping you safe and small and right!
Except for one thing.......he's WRONG!
Think about it. Look around you. Instead of focusing upon your lack of desired financial resources look to all the actors, artists, writers and musicians who are making boat loads of money! Julian Schnabel, Bono, Annie Leibowitz, Steven Spielburg, Rita Ackerman, Tom Hanks, Julia Roberts, Stephen King, Dave Barry, Mick Jagger, Dave Matthews - the list of wildly successful and wealthy artists of every kind can easily go on and on and on.
What's the difference between the abundantly rich artist and the starving artist? One thing and one thing only: Self-Mastery.
Self-Mastery as the key to financial freedom is not some airy fairy metaphysical woo-woo concept. From the ancient Greeks to modern day philosophers to modern day celebrity icons, all have recognized that the key to whatever you want in life, including wealth, comes from within. How you show up in your life, what the foundational beliefs that motivate you are based upon, deliver the outcomes you experience.
From Socrates:
- "Know thyself."
- "The unexamined life is not worth living."
- "Give me beauty in the inward soul; may the outward and the inward man be at one."
From others throughout the centuries:
- "If money be not they servant, it will be thy master. The covetous man cannot so properly be said to possess wealth, as that may be said to possess him." - Francis Bacon, British Philosopher
- "All riches have their origin in mind. WEALTH is in ideas -- not money." - Robert Collier, American Writer/Publisher
- "I have about concluded that WEALTH is a state of mind, and that anyone can acquire a wealthy state of mind by thinking rich thoughts."- Andrew Young. Civil Rights Activist
- "Wealth is the product of man's capacity to think." - Ayn Rand, Russian Writer, Philosopher
- "All the breaks you need in life wait within your imagination, Imagination is the workshop of your mind, capable of turning mind energy into accomplishment and wealth." - Napoleon Hill
And:
"Wealth is the ability to fully experience life." - Henry David Thoreau
Where you hold back your fullest expression of your potential as an artist of any kind is where you struggle. Where you doubt your self, your dreams, your worthiness is where you create your poverty. Where you resist your purpose in life, the special gifts that are your birthright, is where you suffer your anxiety.
You are as free, financially and otherwise, as the extent of your ability to acknowledge, honor and master your authenticity and take full responsibility for all of your experiences, good and bad, rich or poor. Those who do not govern themselves are condemned to find other masters to govern over them, including their own Inner Critic.
“I stand for freedom of expression, doing what you believe in, and going after your dreams.” - Madonna
Valery Satterwhite is an Artist Mindset Mentor who helps creative people get out of their own way so that they can overcome the struggles that often come packaged with the life of a visual & performing artist. Clients learn how to express their full potential deliberately & responsibly to create more passionately, profoundly, productively and profitably. Empower the Wizard Within to actualize and express your full creative potential. http://www.InnerWizard.com. Get Free "Empower the Wizard Within tips"!
Except for one thing.......he's WRONG!
Think about it. Look around you. Instead of focusing upon your lack of desired financial resources look to all the actors, artists, writers and musicians who are making boat loads of money! Julian Schnabel, Bono, Annie Leibowitz, Steven Spielburg, Rita Ackerman, Tom Hanks, Julia Roberts, Stephen King, Dave Barry, Mick Jagger, Dave Matthews - the list of wildly successful and wealthy artists of every kind can easily go on and on and on.
What's the difference between the abundantly rich artist and the starving artist? One thing and one thing only: Self-Mastery.
Self-Mastery as the key to financial freedom is not some airy fairy metaphysical woo-woo concept. From the ancient Greeks to modern day philosophers to modern day celebrity icons, all have recognized that the key to whatever you want in life, including wealth, comes from within. How you show up in your life, what the foundational beliefs that motivate you are based upon, deliver the outcomes you experience.
From Socrates:
- "Know thyself."
- "The unexamined life is not worth living."
- "Give me beauty in the inward soul; may the outward and the inward man be at one."
From others throughout the centuries:
- "If money be not they servant, it will be thy master. The covetous man cannot so properly be said to possess wealth, as that may be said to possess him." - Francis Bacon, British Philosopher
- "All riches have their origin in mind. WEALTH is in ideas -- not money." - Robert Collier, American Writer/Publisher
- "I have about concluded that WEALTH is a state of mind, and that anyone can acquire a wealthy state of mind by thinking rich thoughts."- Andrew Young. Civil Rights Activist
- "Wealth is the product of man's capacity to think." - Ayn Rand, Russian Writer, Philosopher
- "All the breaks you need in life wait within your imagination, Imagination is the workshop of your mind, capable of turning mind energy into accomplishment and wealth." - Napoleon Hill
And:
"Wealth is the ability to fully experience life." - Henry David Thoreau
Where you hold back your fullest expression of your potential as an artist of any kind is where you struggle. Where you doubt your self, your dreams, your worthiness is where you create your poverty. Where you resist your purpose in life, the special gifts that are your birthright, is where you suffer your anxiety.
You are as free, financially and otherwise, as the extent of your ability to acknowledge, honor and master your authenticity and take full responsibility for all of your experiences, good and bad, rich or poor. Those who do not govern themselves are condemned to find other masters to govern over them, including their own Inner Critic.
“I stand for freedom of expression, doing what you believe in, and going after your dreams.” - Madonna
Valery Satterwhite is an Artist Mindset Mentor who helps creative people get out of their own way so that they can overcome the struggles that often come packaged with the life of a visual & performing artist. Clients learn how to express their full potential deliberately & responsibly to create more passionately, profoundly, productively and profitably. Empower the Wizard Within to actualize and express your full creative potential. http://www.InnerWizard.com. Get Free "Empower the Wizard Within tips"!
Friday, May 22, 2009
Overcoming Self-Sabotage and Fear: A 4 Step Process
“Self-sabotage is when we say we want something and then go about making sure it doesn't happen.” - Alyce P. Cornyn-Selby
Underneath any unwanted self-sabotaging pattern of behavior is fear. These undesirable experiences can include career self-sabotage, any form of addiction, workaholic or shopaholic lifestyles, a series of bad relationships in your personal and professional life and constant financial struggles.
Repeating the past and making the same mistakes is repetition compulsion. You are repeating the past, making the same mistakes, and constantly complaining about the results – and yet we keep doing it! Why do people keep repeating bad experiences over and over again? Because, even though unwanted, this perpetual state of circumstance has become the comfort zone. People cling to comfort zones because they are known, familiar, and therefore 'safe'. Moving beyond comfort zones into new territory, even if desired, is a scary prospect.
Repeating past experiences involves recreating the same dynamics that you experienced as a child. If your childhood was filled with conditioning that invalidated your authenticity as a creative spirit, then you may be more comfortable living with people who invalidate you as an artist as an adult. You may have been told repeatedly that you could never earn a living as an actor, painter, drummer in a band or novelist. You pick a partner who tells you to put aside your passion and go get a 'real job'. This is repeating the past. If you spent your childhood as the good kid who didn't cause trouble and always minded her manner, you may be inclined to make people happy and have become the perpetual obsequious people pleaser. Again, you're repeating your past and making the same mistake.
Unwanted repeated patterns of behavior often involves getting into business relationships with people who take advantage of you, or accepting jobs that don't offer a chance of promotion or professional development. Repeating the past is pursuing the same dead ends over and over again, or engaging in the same self-destructive behavior. It's making the same mistakes. To stop repeating the past, you must first determine if you are repeating the past.
The place to begin is to discover what stops you from moving beyond a comfort zone that is clearly not working for you. What are you afraid of? What could happen if you change the way you show up in your world? What would it mean to live centered in the truth of who you are, authentically, and in integrity with your passions and dreams for your future?
"Expose yourself to your deepest fear; after that, fear has no power, and the fear of freedom shrinks and vanishes. You are free." - Jim Morrison
Fear is a question. What are you afraid of and why? Your fears are a treasure house of self-knowledge if you explore them. Fear often shows up in the form of the woefully misguided Inner Critic. Your Inner Critic works hard to keep you safe, keep you in that comfort zone. If you try to move beyond the comfort zone the Inner Critic will serve up fear and drama to pull you back to where it believes you will be safe.
The goal isn't to get rid of this Inner Critic, this fear. The goal is to recognize it when it presents itself, examine it and master the fear so you can effectively transition into newer and better patterns of behavior. One way to tell that you are making choices and acting from a place of fear is when you are Finding Excuses And Reasons (F.E.A.R.) to do or not do something so that you can ultimately stay right where you are, hold yourself back.
Here are 4 steps to examine your self-sabotaging pattern of behavior.
1. State the pattern, the repeating unwanted experience.
Unwanted experiences can include unsupportive or even damaging personal and business relationships or performance anxiety of any kind including stage performances, auditions, interviews, networking, presenting your work to a person of authority and calling up your agent.
2. Examine the beliefs and thought processes that lead to the choices and actions that created the unwanted experience. Ask yourself, "What within me is creating this experience over and over again?"
Common fear based thoughts and beliefs include a fear of criticism or rejection that are stated in as an "I'm not ________ (talented, smart, young, pretty, experienced, etc.) enough".
2. Test the validity of the underlying fear.
Is the fear true? Is it absolutely true? Can you identify any experience where you were, indeed - enough? Can you identify other people or other events that fly in the face of this belief? For example, if you are over 40 and you believe there are no roles for actors over 40 can to find any examples of actors over 40 who are working steadily in their craft? What specific circumstances trigger your fear? Is there a pattern? Can you think of an early experience of this fear? What happened?
3. What would your life be like if you didn't cling onto your comfort zone? Who would you be, what would you have, what could you do if you didn't have this fear running you?
Imagine and visualize yourself showing up in your life every day as that person. Try it on even if only as a costume at first. What choice would a person living that life make as the events of your day unfolds?
4. Check how you feel.
Your emotions are indicators of whether you've moved into or out of fear. Simply stated, you don't feel good when you are functioning from a place of fear. You can experience that sick in the pit of your stomach feeling, physical symptoms such as sweaty palms or a desire to Fuggedabout Everything And Run (F.E.A.R.). From now on this feeling is a signal to you to stop and take a moment to deliberately and clearly make a newer and better choice; a choice that will result in a different action that will deliver a better outcome, a different experience that breaks the unwanted pattern of behavior from the past.
If you're feeling good about yourself, your potential and the opportunities available to you then you are mastering your fear. You are headed in the direction of your dreams. You have moved beyond the old unwanted comfort zone into a new zone that supports your desires. If at some point you notice that you slipped back into that not so good feeling of fear just know that you are reacting to the voice of that frightened little Inner Critic who is still scared of this new way of being. Calm it down as you would a 4 year old and show this Inner Critic that you are still very safe even if you venture into newer and bigger experiences.
"Ultimately we know deeply that the other side of every fear is freedom."- Marilyn Ferguson
Valery Satterwhite is a Creative Mentor who helps creative people get out of their own way so that they can move beyond the struggles that often come packaged with the life of a visual & performing artist. Clients learn how to express their full potential deliberately & responsibly to create more passionately, profoundly, productively and profitably. Empower the Wizard Within to actualize and express your full creative potential. http://www.InnerWizard.com. Get Free "Empower the Wizard Within tips"!
Underneath any unwanted self-sabotaging pattern of behavior is fear. These undesirable experiences can include career self-sabotage, any form of addiction, workaholic or shopaholic lifestyles, a series of bad relationships in your personal and professional life and constant financial struggles.
Repeating the past and making the same mistakes is repetition compulsion. You are repeating the past, making the same mistakes, and constantly complaining about the results – and yet we keep doing it! Why do people keep repeating bad experiences over and over again? Because, even though unwanted, this perpetual state of circumstance has become the comfort zone. People cling to comfort zones because they are known, familiar, and therefore 'safe'. Moving beyond comfort zones into new territory, even if desired, is a scary prospect.
Repeating past experiences involves recreating the same dynamics that you experienced as a child. If your childhood was filled with conditioning that invalidated your authenticity as a creative spirit, then you may be more comfortable living with people who invalidate you as an artist as an adult. You may have been told repeatedly that you could never earn a living as an actor, painter, drummer in a band or novelist. You pick a partner who tells you to put aside your passion and go get a 'real job'. This is repeating the past. If you spent your childhood as the good kid who didn't cause trouble and always minded her manner, you may be inclined to make people happy and have become the perpetual obsequious people pleaser. Again, you're repeating your past and making the same mistake.
Unwanted repeated patterns of behavior often involves getting into business relationships with people who take advantage of you, or accepting jobs that don't offer a chance of promotion or professional development. Repeating the past is pursuing the same dead ends over and over again, or engaging in the same self-destructive behavior. It's making the same mistakes. To stop repeating the past, you must first determine if you are repeating the past.
The place to begin is to discover what stops you from moving beyond a comfort zone that is clearly not working for you. What are you afraid of? What could happen if you change the way you show up in your world? What would it mean to live centered in the truth of who you are, authentically, and in integrity with your passions and dreams for your future?
"Expose yourself to your deepest fear; after that, fear has no power, and the fear of freedom shrinks and vanishes. You are free." - Jim Morrison
Fear is a question. What are you afraid of and why? Your fears are a treasure house of self-knowledge if you explore them. Fear often shows up in the form of the woefully misguided Inner Critic. Your Inner Critic works hard to keep you safe, keep you in that comfort zone. If you try to move beyond the comfort zone the Inner Critic will serve up fear and drama to pull you back to where it believes you will be safe.
The goal isn't to get rid of this Inner Critic, this fear. The goal is to recognize it when it presents itself, examine it and master the fear so you can effectively transition into newer and better patterns of behavior. One way to tell that you are making choices and acting from a place of fear is when you are Finding Excuses And Reasons (F.E.A.R.) to do or not do something so that you can ultimately stay right where you are, hold yourself back.
Here are 4 steps to examine your self-sabotaging pattern of behavior.
1. State the pattern, the repeating unwanted experience.
Unwanted experiences can include unsupportive or even damaging personal and business relationships or performance anxiety of any kind including stage performances, auditions, interviews, networking, presenting your work to a person of authority and calling up your agent.
2. Examine the beliefs and thought processes that lead to the choices and actions that created the unwanted experience. Ask yourself, "What within me is creating this experience over and over again?"
Common fear based thoughts and beliefs include a fear of criticism or rejection that are stated in as an "I'm not ________ (talented, smart, young, pretty, experienced, etc.) enough".
2. Test the validity of the underlying fear.
Is the fear true? Is it absolutely true? Can you identify any experience where you were, indeed - enough? Can you identify other people or other events that fly in the face of this belief? For example, if you are over 40 and you believe there are no roles for actors over 40 can to find any examples of actors over 40 who are working steadily in their craft? What specific circumstances trigger your fear? Is there a pattern? Can you think of an early experience of this fear? What happened?
3. What would your life be like if you didn't cling onto your comfort zone? Who would you be, what would you have, what could you do if you didn't have this fear running you?
Imagine and visualize yourself showing up in your life every day as that person. Try it on even if only as a costume at first. What choice would a person living that life make as the events of your day unfolds?
4. Check how you feel.
Your emotions are indicators of whether you've moved into or out of fear. Simply stated, you don't feel good when you are functioning from a place of fear. You can experience that sick in the pit of your stomach feeling, physical symptoms such as sweaty palms or a desire to Fuggedabout Everything And Run (F.E.A.R.). From now on this feeling is a signal to you to stop and take a moment to deliberately and clearly make a newer and better choice; a choice that will result in a different action that will deliver a better outcome, a different experience that breaks the unwanted pattern of behavior from the past.
If you're feeling good about yourself, your potential and the opportunities available to you then you are mastering your fear. You are headed in the direction of your dreams. You have moved beyond the old unwanted comfort zone into a new zone that supports your desires. If at some point you notice that you slipped back into that not so good feeling of fear just know that you are reacting to the voice of that frightened little Inner Critic who is still scared of this new way of being. Calm it down as you would a 4 year old and show this Inner Critic that you are still very safe even if you venture into newer and bigger experiences.
"Ultimately we know deeply that the other side of every fear is freedom."- Marilyn Ferguson
Valery Satterwhite is a Creative Mentor who helps creative people get out of their own way so that they can move beyond the struggles that often come packaged with the life of a visual & performing artist. Clients learn how to express their full potential deliberately & responsibly to create more passionately, profoundly, productively and profitably. Empower the Wizard Within to actualize and express your full creative potential. http://www.InnerWizard.com. Get Free "Empower the Wizard Within tips"!
Monday, April 6, 2009
Success Comes with a New Pair of Glasses
"Every man takes the limits of his own vision for the limits of the world." - Arthur Schopenhauer
Four people on four different street corners witness the same traffic accident. The police arrive and ask each of the four people to describe what happened. And get four different versions of how the event happened.
Which of the four witnesses is right about what happened?
All of them.
And none of them.
The same is true in life.
How we view ourselves, our world, and the events of our lives depends upon our viewpoint, the proverbial lens through which we see. The lens is the system of beliefs, expectations, and presuppositions we hold. You use this lens when you evaluate your circumstances and opportunities.
For example, let's say two people walk into an audition for a leading role. Both are rejected with equal harsh criticism for their character portrayal and delivery.
One actor returns home, depleted, and validates his belief that he'll never make it as an actor. He gives up his dream of a theatrical career and sets about finding a 'real' job.
The other actor returns home and quickly writes down the critical remarks. He studies the remarks and adjusts his performance. He rehearses and rehearses and rehearses the scene applying what he has learned from the botched audition. He then either secures a second audition with a better chance of winning the role or goes on to the next audition better prepared. He knows, with certainty, that he'll make it as an actor and that failed auditions are opportunities to learn and improve his craft.
Where one person sees limitation, the other sees opportunity.
How do you view your experience? Is it time to examine your 'lens'? Is it time for a new pair of glasses?
Valery Satterwhite is an Artist Mentor who specializes in empowering creative people in the visual & performing arts to create more profoundly, more prolifically, and more profitably. Empower yourself to trust your intuition, acknowledge your truth, and disarm your fear and self-doubt. Valery spent years developing and implementing a proven unique "Inner Wizard" methodology to empower other creative people to express their full potential. Join now at http://www.InnerWizard.com. Get Free "Artist Resource/Marketing Directory" too!
Four people on four different street corners witness the same traffic accident. The police arrive and ask each of the four people to describe what happened. And get four different versions of how the event happened.
Which of the four witnesses is right about what happened?
All of them.
And none of them.
The same is true in life.
How we view ourselves, our world, and the events of our lives depends upon our viewpoint, the proverbial lens through which we see. The lens is the system of beliefs, expectations, and presuppositions we hold. You use this lens when you evaluate your circumstances and opportunities.
For example, let's say two people walk into an audition for a leading role. Both are rejected with equal harsh criticism for their character portrayal and delivery.
One actor returns home, depleted, and validates his belief that he'll never make it as an actor. He gives up his dream of a theatrical career and sets about finding a 'real' job.
The other actor returns home and quickly writes down the critical remarks. He studies the remarks and adjusts his performance. He rehearses and rehearses and rehearses the scene applying what he has learned from the botched audition. He then either secures a second audition with a better chance of winning the role or goes on to the next audition better prepared. He knows, with certainty, that he'll make it as an actor and that failed auditions are opportunities to learn and improve his craft.
Where one person sees limitation, the other sees opportunity.
How do you view your experience? Is it time to examine your 'lens'? Is it time for a new pair of glasses?
Valery Satterwhite is an Artist Mentor who specializes in empowering creative people in the visual & performing arts to create more profoundly, more prolifically, and more profitably. Empower yourself to trust your intuition, acknowledge your truth, and disarm your fear and self-doubt. Valery spent years developing and implementing a proven unique "Inner Wizard" methodology to empower other creative people to express their full potential. Join now at http://www.InnerWizard.com. Get Free "Artist Resource/Marketing Directory" too!
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Are You Creatively Blocked or Are You Resisting - How to Know the Difference
Artists of every kind; painters, photographers, sculptors and actors will tell me that they are blocked. When we examine their specific challenge we discover that often they are not blocked, the are really resisting moving forward. There is a vast difference between the two. If you're struggling with your creative expression and vocation here's a way to determine whether your are blocked or unconsciously resisting as an artist.
First of all, let's take a look at what the definition of 'block' is. A block, in this context, is an obstruction; something that hinders or prevents the progress of accomplishment. Resistance, on the other hand, is the action of opposing something; a refusal to comply. We also say that something is resistant when it serves as a protective coating.
If you are blocked creatively, you may have doubts about your work, your ability to be successful, your talent. If you are resisting, you have little energy or desire to be creative and take any creative action as an artist or in the business of art. Creative blocks will come and go. Resistance can become chronic.
If you want to know whether your challenge is a block or a resistance look within. Pay attention to your self-talk, that seemingly endless chatter that is with you throughout your waking hours. If this self-talk is telling you that you're not talented or good enough to continue further then this is a block. You are in doubt, perhaps, of your ability to create what you want to express in this particular work. You're stuck, not knowing what next action to take to progressively move forward. You masterfully create distractions to take you away from your art, practice, rehearsal, audition, important meeting. And you've been doing this resisting stuff for a long time. Clearly identify the thoughts that created this blockage, this boulder. Remind yourself that this inner voice of doubt, this Inner Critic, is just a little scared of moving ahead. You're starting to stretch beyond where you've gone before and this little Inner Critic is scared so it is holding you back through inaction, indecision. Choose to take one small step in that direction, and then another, and you'll discover that you're flowing creatively again.
However, if you haven't doodled a noodle, picked up a brush, sung a song, gone to an audition or tinkled the ivories in weeks and weeks and weeks, then you're in a state of resistance. This resistance needs to be closely examined too if you wish to move beyond it. Instead of being in doubt about what's possible you are frozen in fear. What if I fail? If I continue to be an artist as my vocation will I end up living in a box by the side of the road? What if no one likes what I create? What if my work (me) is criticized publicly? Why even bother, when I'll only be rejected again. Will I die, lose my soul, give up on who I am? Deep down inside, you believe that it will be the end of the world if you continue on your path as an artist. In this state you are resisting who you are. You are resisting your own creative expression. And I'm sure you're depleted of energy, exhausted, heavy hearted. Powerless to move forward.
Yes, you are powerless because you have given up your power. If you ask yourself what within you is creating this resistance you may discover that you are shoulding all over yourself. You tell yourself constantly with that self-talk that you should do this, you should do that and yet you don't. I'm sure you have Found Excuses And Reasons (F.E.A.R.) why you can't continue on in your chosen path as an artist that is your birthright. But the truth is, you've become a victim of your fear. You've become a victim of the circumstances, events, and experiences in your life instead of the powerful creator that you are. You may even be feeling an urge to eF Everything And Run (F.E.A.R.); quit being an artist, an actor, a musician, a writer, a singer. You may have decided to 'get a real job'. Truth is, you quit on yourself and that feels terrible. And you are beating yourself up over it. And that feels even worse. This is no blocking boulder, this state is a massive wall of resistance. You are so afraid that you've literally thrown a protective blanket on your burning desires.
Again, it's time to examine your thoughts. This time, you're looking for deeper fundamental beliefs about what's possible for you to achieve as an artist. Perhaps you are reminding yourself that "you'll never earn a living as an artist" or 'artists are not business people and therefore doomed to fail".
Are the thoughts true? According to whom? How can you know, absolutely, that they are true? Can you find any evidence to the contrary? Who would you be, what would you do and what would you have if you didn't have these thoughts? For example if you're Inner Critic is telling you that you'll never earn a living as an artist, own that thought. Bring it up from your unconscious self-chatter into your consciousness. Shine light on it. Examine it. Is this true? According to whom? How can this person or these people know that this is true? Is it absolutely true that you'll never earn a living as an artist? Is any artist earning a living? Find more and more evidence that artists do, indeed, earn a living. If they can, so can you. How would you show up in your day as an artist if you didn't have that thought? What would you do? What would you create? What would success look like to you? Now be that! Hold the feeling you have as you envision yourself as a successful artist within you. Show up in your life, and as you approach your art, in that feeling state. You'll be amazed at the new inspiration, new opportunities that suddenly appear, seemingly out of nowhere for you.
So, You have a choice to make. If you are blocked, you can move beyond it. If you are resisting, you can quit. Get a real job. Tell yourself that you really don't want to be an artist and stop whining about it OR you can dissolve your fear. Which do you choose?
Valery Satterwhite is the Founder of the International Association for Inner Wizards. She teaches artists of all kinds how to get out of their own way, eliminate personal and professional roadblocks, so they can fully express their artistic vision and succeed in the business of art. Empower the Wizard Within, tame the Inner Critic, unleash and Inspire the Muse. Get Free Artist Resource Directory today at http://www.InnerWizard.com.
First of all, let's take a look at what the definition of 'block' is. A block, in this context, is an obstruction; something that hinders or prevents the progress of accomplishment. Resistance, on the other hand, is the action of opposing something; a refusal to comply. We also say that something is resistant when it serves as a protective coating.
If you are blocked creatively, you may have doubts about your work, your ability to be successful, your talent. If you are resisting, you have little energy or desire to be creative and take any creative action as an artist or in the business of art. Creative blocks will come and go. Resistance can become chronic.
If you want to know whether your challenge is a block or a resistance look within. Pay attention to your self-talk, that seemingly endless chatter that is with you throughout your waking hours. If this self-talk is telling you that you're not talented or good enough to continue further then this is a block. You are in doubt, perhaps, of your ability to create what you want to express in this particular work. You're stuck, not knowing what next action to take to progressively move forward. You masterfully create distractions to take you away from your art, practice, rehearsal, audition, important meeting. And you've been doing this resisting stuff for a long time. Clearly identify the thoughts that created this blockage, this boulder. Remind yourself that this inner voice of doubt, this Inner Critic, is just a little scared of moving ahead. You're starting to stretch beyond where you've gone before and this little Inner Critic is scared so it is holding you back through inaction, indecision. Choose to take one small step in that direction, and then another, and you'll discover that you're flowing creatively again.
However, if you haven't doodled a noodle, picked up a brush, sung a song, gone to an audition or tinkled the ivories in weeks and weeks and weeks, then you're in a state of resistance. This resistance needs to be closely examined too if you wish to move beyond it. Instead of being in doubt about what's possible you are frozen in fear. What if I fail? If I continue to be an artist as my vocation will I end up living in a box by the side of the road? What if no one likes what I create? What if my work (me) is criticized publicly? Why even bother, when I'll only be rejected again. Will I die, lose my soul, give up on who I am? Deep down inside, you believe that it will be the end of the world if you continue on your path as an artist. In this state you are resisting who you are. You are resisting your own creative expression. And I'm sure you're depleted of energy, exhausted, heavy hearted. Powerless to move forward.
Yes, you are powerless because you have given up your power. If you ask yourself what within you is creating this resistance you may discover that you are shoulding all over yourself. You tell yourself constantly with that self-talk that you should do this, you should do that and yet you don't. I'm sure you have Found Excuses And Reasons (F.E.A.R.) why you can't continue on in your chosen path as an artist that is your birthright. But the truth is, you've become a victim of your fear. You've become a victim of the circumstances, events, and experiences in your life instead of the powerful creator that you are. You may even be feeling an urge to eF Everything And Run (F.E.A.R.); quit being an artist, an actor, a musician, a writer, a singer. You may have decided to 'get a real job'. Truth is, you quit on yourself and that feels terrible. And you are beating yourself up over it. And that feels even worse. This is no blocking boulder, this state is a massive wall of resistance. You are so afraid that you've literally thrown a protective blanket on your burning desires.
Again, it's time to examine your thoughts. This time, you're looking for deeper fundamental beliefs about what's possible for you to achieve as an artist. Perhaps you are reminding yourself that "you'll never earn a living as an artist" or 'artists are not business people and therefore doomed to fail".
Are the thoughts true? According to whom? How can you know, absolutely, that they are true? Can you find any evidence to the contrary? Who would you be, what would you do and what would you have if you didn't have these thoughts? For example if you're Inner Critic is telling you that you'll never earn a living as an artist, own that thought. Bring it up from your unconscious self-chatter into your consciousness. Shine light on it. Examine it. Is this true? According to whom? How can this person or these people know that this is true? Is it absolutely true that you'll never earn a living as an artist? Is any artist earning a living? Find more and more evidence that artists do, indeed, earn a living. If they can, so can you. How would you show up in your day as an artist if you didn't have that thought? What would you do? What would you create? What would success look like to you? Now be that! Hold the feeling you have as you envision yourself as a successful artist within you. Show up in your life, and as you approach your art, in that feeling state. You'll be amazed at the new inspiration, new opportunities that suddenly appear, seemingly out of nowhere for you.
So, You have a choice to make. If you are blocked, you can move beyond it. If you are resisting, you can quit. Get a real job. Tell yourself that you really don't want to be an artist and stop whining about it OR you can dissolve your fear. Which do you choose?
Valery Satterwhite is the Founder of the International Association for Inner Wizards. She teaches artists of all kinds how to get out of their own way, eliminate personal and professional roadblocks, so they can fully express their artistic vision and succeed in the business of art. Empower the Wizard Within, tame the Inner Critic, unleash and Inspire the Muse. Get Free Artist Resource Directory today at http://www.InnerWizard.com.
Are You Creatively Blocked or Are You Resisting - How to Know the Difference
Artists of every kind; painters, photographers, sculptors and actors will tell me that they are blocked. When we examine their specific challenge we discover that often they are not blocked, the are really resisting moving forward. There is a vast difference between the two. If you're struggling with your creative expression and vocation here's a way to determine whether your are blocked or unconsciously resisting as an artist.
First of all, let's take a look at what the definition of 'block' is. A block, in this context, is an obstruction; something that hinders or prevents the progress of accomplishment. Resistance, on the other hand, is the action of opposing something; a refusal to comply. We also say that something is resistant when it serves as a protective coating.
If you are blocked creatively, you may have doubts about your work, your ability to be successful, your talent. If you are resisting, you have little energy or desire to be creative and take any creative action as an artist or in the business of art. Creative blocks will come and go. Resistance can become chronic.
If you want to know whether your challenge is a block or a resistance look within. Pay attention to your self-talk, that seemingly endless chatter that is with you throughout your waking hours. If this self-talk is telling you that you're not talented or good enough to continue further then this is a block. You are in doubt, perhaps, of your ability to create what you want to express in this particular work. You're stuck, not knowing what next action to take to progressively move forward. You masterfully create distractions to take you away from your art, practice, rehearsal, audition, important meeting. And you've been doing this resisting stuff for a long time. Clearly identify the thoughts that created this blockage, this boulder. Remind yourself that this inner voice of doubt, this Inner Critic, is just a little scared of moving ahead. You're starting to stretch beyond where you've gone before and this little Inner Critic is scared so it is holding you back through inaction, indecision. Choose to take one small step in that direction, and then another, and you'll discover that you're flowing creatively again.
However, if you haven't doodled a noodle, picked up a brush, sung a song, gone to an audition or tinkled the ivories in weeks and weeks and weeks, then you're in a state of resistance. This resistance needs to be closely examined too if you wish to move beyond it. Instead of being in doubt about what's possible you are frozen in fear. What if I fail? If I continue to be an artist as my vocation will I end up living in a box by the side of the road? What if no one likes what I create? What if my work (me) is criticized publicly? Why even bother, when I'll only be rejected again. Will I die, lose my soul, give up on who I am? Deep down inside, you believe that it will be the end of the world if you continue on your path as an artist. In this state you are resisting who you are. You are resisting your own creative expression. And I'm sure you're depleted of energy, exhausted, heavy hearted. Powerless to move forward.
Yes, you are powerless because you have given up your power. If you ask yourself what within you is creating this resistance you may discover that you are shoulding all over yourself. You tell yourself constantly with that self-talk that you should do this, you should do that and yet you don't. I'm sure you have Found Excuses And Reasons (F.E.A.R.) why you can't continue on in your chosen path as an artist that is your birthright. But the truth is, you've become a victim of your fear. You've become a victim of the circumstances, events, and experiences in your life instead of the powerful creator that you are. You may even be feeling an urge to eF Everything And Run (F.E.A.R.); quit being an artist, an actor, a musician, a writer, a singer. You may have decided to 'get a real job'. Truth is, you quit on yourself and that feels terrible. And you are beating yourself up over it. And that feels even worse. This is no blocking boulder, this state is a massive wall of resistance. You are so afraid that you've literally thrown a protective blanket on your burning desires.
Again, it's time to examine your thoughts. This time, you're looking for deeper fundamental beliefs about what's possible for you to achieve as an artist. Perhaps you are reminding yourself that "you'll never earn a living as an artist" or 'artists are not business people and therefore doomed to fail".
Are the thoughts true? According to whom? How can you know, absolutely, that they are true? Can you find any evidence to the contrary? Who would you be, what would you do and what would you have if you didn't have these thoughts? For example if you're Inner Critic is telling you that you'll never earn a living as an artist, own that thought. Bring it up from your unconscious self-chatter into your consciousness. Shine light on it. Examine it. Is this true? According to whom? How can this person or these people know that this is true? Is it absolutely true that you'll never earn a living as an artist? Is any artist earning a living? Find more and more evidence that artists do, indeed, earn a living. If they can, so can you. How would you show up in your day as an artist if you didn't have that thought? What would you do? What would you create? What would success look like to you? Now be that! Hold the feeling you have as you envision yourself as a successful artist within you. Show up in your life, and as you approach your art, in that feeling state. You'll be amazed at the new inspiration, new opportunities that suddenly appear, seemingly out of nowhere for you.
So, You have a choice to make. If you are blocked, you can move beyond it. If you are resisting, you can quit. Get a real job. Tell yourself that you really don't want to be an artist and stop whining about it OR you can dissolve your fear. Which do you choose?
Valery Satterwhite is the Founder of the International Association for Inner Wizards. She teaches artists of all kinds how to get out of their own way, eliminate personal and professional roadblocks, so they can fully express their artistic vision and succeed in the business of art. Empower the Wizard Within, tame the Inner Critic, unleash and Inspire the Muse. Get Free Artist Resource Directory today at http://www.InnerWizard.com.
First of all, let's take a look at what the definition of 'block' is. A block, in this context, is an obstruction; something that hinders or prevents the progress of accomplishment. Resistance, on the other hand, is the action of opposing something; a refusal to comply. We also say that something is resistant when it serves as a protective coating.
If you are blocked creatively, you may have doubts about your work, your ability to be successful, your talent. If you are resisting, you have little energy or desire to be creative and take any creative action as an artist or in the business of art. Creative blocks will come and go. Resistance can become chronic.
If you want to know whether your challenge is a block or a resistance look within. Pay attention to your self-talk, that seemingly endless chatter that is with you throughout your waking hours. If this self-talk is telling you that you're not talented or good enough to continue further then this is a block. You are in doubt, perhaps, of your ability to create what you want to express in this particular work. You're stuck, not knowing what next action to take to progressively move forward. You masterfully create distractions to take you away from your art, practice, rehearsal, audition, important meeting. And you've been doing this resisting stuff for a long time. Clearly identify the thoughts that created this blockage, this boulder. Remind yourself that this inner voice of doubt, this Inner Critic, is just a little scared of moving ahead. You're starting to stretch beyond where you've gone before and this little Inner Critic is scared so it is holding you back through inaction, indecision. Choose to take one small step in that direction, and then another, and you'll discover that you're flowing creatively again.
However, if you haven't doodled a noodle, picked up a brush, sung a song, gone to an audition or tinkled the ivories in weeks and weeks and weeks, then you're in a state of resistance. This resistance needs to be closely examined too if you wish to move beyond it. Instead of being in doubt about what's possible you are frozen in fear. What if I fail? If I continue to be an artist as my vocation will I end up living in a box by the side of the road? What if no one likes what I create? What if my work (me) is criticized publicly? Why even bother, when I'll only be rejected again. Will I die, lose my soul, give up on who I am? Deep down inside, you believe that it will be the end of the world if you continue on your path as an artist. In this state you are resisting who you are. You are resisting your own creative expression. And I'm sure you're depleted of energy, exhausted, heavy hearted. Powerless to move forward.
Yes, you are powerless because you have given up your power. If you ask yourself what within you is creating this resistance you may discover that you are shoulding all over yourself. You tell yourself constantly with that self-talk that you should do this, you should do that and yet you don't. I'm sure you have Found Excuses And Reasons (F.E.A.R.) why you can't continue on in your chosen path as an artist that is your birthright. But the truth is, you've become a victim of your fear. You've become a victim of the circumstances, events, and experiences in your life instead of the powerful creator that you are. You may even be feeling an urge to eF Everything And Run (F.E.A.R.); quit being an artist, an actor, a musician, a writer, a singer. You may have decided to 'get a real job'. Truth is, you quit on yourself and that feels terrible. And you are beating yourself up over it. And that feels even worse. This is no blocking boulder, this state is a massive wall of resistance. You are so afraid that you've literally thrown a protective blanket on your burning desires.
Again, it's time to examine your thoughts. This time, you're looking for deeper fundamental beliefs about what's possible for you to achieve as an artist. Perhaps you are reminding yourself that "you'll never earn a living as an artist" or 'artists are not business people and therefore doomed to fail".
Are the thoughts true? According to whom? How can you know, absolutely, that they are true? Can you find any evidence to the contrary? Who would you be, what would you do and what would you have if you didn't have these thoughts? For example if you're Inner Critic is telling you that you'll never earn a living as an artist, own that thought. Bring it up from your unconscious self-chatter into your consciousness. Shine light on it. Examine it. Is this true? According to whom? How can this person or these people know that this is true? Is it absolutely true that you'll never earn a living as an artist? Is any artist earning a living? Find more and more evidence that artists do, indeed, earn a living. If they can, so can you. How would you show up in your day as an artist if you didn't have that thought? What would you do? What would you create? What would success look like to you? Now be that! Hold the feeling you have as you envision yourself as a successful artist within you. Show up in your life, and as you approach your art, in that feeling state. You'll be amazed at the new inspiration, new opportunities that suddenly appear, seemingly out of nowhere for you.
So, You have a choice to make. If you are blocked, you can move beyond it. If you are resisting, you can quit. Get a real job. Tell yourself that you really don't want to be an artist and stop whining about it OR you can dissolve your fear. Which do you choose?
Valery Satterwhite is the Founder of the International Association for Inner Wizards. She teaches artists of all kinds how to get out of their own way, eliminate personal and professional roadblocks, so they can fully express their artistic vision and succeed in the business of art. Empower the Wizard Within, tame the Inner Critic, unleash and Inspire the Muse. Get Free Artist Resource Directory today at http://www.InnerWizard.com.
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Inner Critic: The 4 Year Old Driving Your Car
Life is a journey! It can be a easy free-flowing miraculous journey or it can be a journey of wrong turns, dead ends, crash and burns and arduous uphill routes. Some people are able to move forward in the direction of their dreams; others continue to make wrong turns or get stuck in a rut. If it's the latter chances are you have a 4-year old planning the route and driving the car. Why would you continue to let a child that can't even see over the steering wheel direct your life?
And yet you do.
Who is this child?
It is your Inner Critic. It is that well-meaning yet woefully misguided inner child. And, as a misguided child, it is frighten and doubtful about it's abilities and potential. As such, this Inner Critic serves up internal messages of self-doubt and fear as you think, feel, make choices and act as you move through your life. You, as directed by your Inner Critic, are doing the best you can. So this is not about you being at fault or to blame for the stuck in a rut or wrong turn experiences you have had. The problem lies in the map that your Inner Critic has charted for you. It's a map based on misinterpretation and it is incredibly outdated. By following this useless map, you've travelled down wrong turns, experienced crashes, dark roads and stuck up a tree or in the ditch moments. And yet you continue to use the very same map in your continued effort to get to your destination.
Albert Einstein once said, "You can't solve your problems using the same kind of thinking that created them."
You can't get to your destination using the same map that lead you to wrong turns, crashes, steep uphill slopes and ditches. It just doesn't work. You will not get to where you want to go if you keep using the same map you've been using.
So, what is this map?
The map you're using is the belief system you took on for yourself when you were a little child; starting around the age of four. You realized that you needed some guidelines to help you cope and stay safe in your environment. You don't do your homework and parent says "You'll never amount to anything." At that moment you charted a course that will lead you to "you'll never amount to anything". And you will only go down roads that lead to not amounting to anything, not accomplishing anything. You will self-sabotage your efforts to succeed.
Hey! This is not about blaming parents either! Parents are also doing the best they can. They have your best interests at heart. Young children do not typically understand context. They make broad generalizations out of what they see, hear and feel. I ask parents if they've ever said anything that their child has completely misinterpreted and the answer is always, Yes! Children misinterpret things. You misinterpreted a lot of what you saw, heard and felt.
A well-meaning teacher will say, "Johnny will have to go to the end of the line because his behavior was bad today." And Johnny's map adds the route of "I'm a bad person and should be at the end of the line." And so he goes through life going down roads that will make sure he stays at the end of the line. These roads are the choices that you make based on your map, your thought processes, what you believe about yourself and the world. And it is all based on misguided misinterpretation.
Even if you had a parent who looked you straight in the eye every day and, with clear intention, said "you are worthless" and that's exactly what they meant -- it doesn't make it true. You are the one who took on the validity of that statement and made it part of your map. And you've gone through life limiting what's possible for you because you don't believe you deserve what you want to achieve.
"All our knowledge has its origins in our perceptions." - Leonardo da Vinci
Time to throw out the map and get a new one, with a better charted route!
No, don't throw the Inner Critic out of the car! It's part of you. It loves you and was only trying to protect you and keep you safe in your well mapped comfort zone. Just remove the Inner Critic from the driver's seat. Put him in the back seat with a bankie and a sippy cup. You are going to do the driving from now on.
But, with what map?
Yes, you'll need a map. Remember, the map is your thought patterns and belief systems. If you've been going down the road of "you'll never amount to anything' examine your life. Look for experiences where you have accomplished something. Heck, you've learned how to read or you wouldn't be able to read this article. You've learned how to use a computer too! I'll bet you know how to walk and talk. If you had that Inner Critic map when you were just learning how to walk and talk you wouldn't be able to walk and talk very well today. One fall on your butt or one person correcting your words would have sent you immediately off course because the map was taking you down the road of "You see, you'll never amount to anything. You'll never be able to learn how to walk and talk. You might as well give up. Quit now."
The truth is, you've accomplished a lot in your life. If you notice that you've been down the road of "I can't" look for evidence of when "you could". Change your map from "I can't because" to "I can because". Focus on all the experiences of "I can" that you've had in your life. Look at all the other people who have had the "I can" experience. If they can, so can you!
Deliberately and mindfully changing your perspective of who you are, what you can do, and what is possible for your life experience is the way to chart the course that will absolutely, positively effortlessly take you to your destination. And you might even decide upon a better and bigger place to go!
"You have brains in your head.
You have feet in your shoes.
You can steer yourself any direction you choose.
You’re on your own. And you know what you know. And YOU are the guy who’ll decide where to go."
- excerpt from "Oh! The Places You’ll Go!" by Dr. Seuss
Valery Satterwhite is the Founder of the International Association for Inner Wizards. The greatest gift Membership can give you is to reaffirm the integrity of your own being. Within you lies all the knowledge about who you are, including your challenges and desires. The ultimate mission of the International Association for Inner Wizards is to reconnect you with the incredible power that is already within you and to encourage you to recognize it, use it and rely upon this resource that is your birthright. We simply deliver back to you that which is already your own. I guarantee no wrong turns will be made on your life's journey when you are empowered and guided by your Inner Wizard, your muse and personal guidance system. Get free mini-book "Discover Your Inner Wizard" today at http://www.InnerWizard.com.
And yet you do.
Who is this child?
It is your Inner Critic. It is that well-meaning yet woefully misguided inner child. And, as a misguided child, it is frighten and doubtful about it's abilities and potential. As such, this Inner Critic serves up internal messages of self-doubt and fear as you think, feel, make choices and act as you move through your life. You, as directed by your Inner Critic, are doing the best you can. So this is not about you being at fault or to blame for the stuck in a rut or wrong turn experiences you have had. The problem lies in the map that your Inner Critic has charted for you. It's a map based on misinterpretation and it is incredibly outdated. By following this useless map, you've travelled down wrong turns, experienced crashes, dark roads and stuck up a tree or in the ditch moments. And yet you continue to use the very same map in your continued effort to get to your destination.
Albert Einstein once said, "You can't solve your problems using the same kind of thinking that created them."
You can't get to your destination using the same map that lead you to wrong turns, crashes, steep uphill slopes and ditches. It just doesn't work. You will not get to where you want to go if you keep using the same map you've been using.
So, what is this map?
The map you're using is the belief system you took on for yourself when you were a little child; starting around the age of four. You realized that you needed some guidelines to help you cope and stay safe in your environment. You don't do your homework and parent says "You'll never amount to anything." At that moment you charted a course that will lead you to "you'll never amount to anything". And you will only go down roads that lead to not amounting to anything, not accomplishing anything. You will self-sabotage your efforts to succeed.
Hey! This is not about blaming parents either! Parents are also doing the best they can. They have your best interests at heart. Young children do not typically understand context. They make broad generalizations out of what they see, hear and feel. I ask parents if they've ever said anything that their child has completely misinterpreted and the answer is always, Yes! Children misinterpret things. You misinterpreted a lot of what you saw, heard and felt.
A well-meaning teacher will say, "Johnny will have to go to the end of the line because his behavior was bad today." And Johnny's map adds the route of "I'm a bad person and should be at the end of the line." And so he goes through life going down roads that will make sure he stays at the end of the line. These roads are the choices that you make based on your map, your thought processes, what you believe about yourself and the world. And it is all based on misguided misinterpretation.
Even if you had a parent who looked you straight in the eye every day and, with clear intention, said "you are worthless" and that's exactly what they meant -- it doesn't make it true. You are the one who took on the validity of that statement and made it part of your map. And you've gone through life limiting what's possible for you because you don't believe you deserve what you want to achieve.
"All our knowledge has its origins in our perceptions." - Leonardo da Vinci
Time to throw out the map and get a new one, with a better charted route!
No, don't throw the Inner Critic out of the car! It's part of you. It loves you and was only trying to protect you and keep you safe in your well mapped comfort zone. Just remove the Inner Critic from the driver's seat. Put him in the back seat with a bankie and a sippy cup. You are going to do the driving from now on.
But, with what map?
Yes, you'll need a map. Remember, the map is your thought patterns and belief systems. If you've been going down the road of "you'll never amount to anything' examine your life. Look for experiences where you have accomplished something. Heck, you've learned how to read or you wouldn't be able to read this article. You've learned how to use a computer too! I'll bet you know how to walk and talk. If you had that Inner Critic map when you were just learning how to walk and talk you wouldn't be able to walk and talk very well today. One fall on your butt or one person correcting your words would have sent you immediately off course because the map was taking you down the road of "You see, you'll never amount to anything. You'll never be able to learn how to walk and talk. You might as well give up. Quit now."
The truth is, you've accomplished a lot in your life. If you notice that you've been down the road of "I can't" look for evidence of when "you could". Change your map from "I can't because" to "I can because". Focus on all the experiences of "I can" that you've had in your life. Look at all the other people who have had the "I can" experience. If they can, so can you!
Deliberately and mindfully changing your perspective of who you are, what you can do, and what is possible for your life experience is the way to chart the course that will absolutely, positively effortlessly take you to your destination. And you might even decide upon a better and bigger place to go!
"You have brains in your head.
You have feet in your shoes.
You can steer yourself any direction you choose.
You’re on your own. And you know what you know. And YOU are the guy who’ll decide where to go."
- excerpt from "Oh! The Places You’ll Go!" by Dr. Seuss
Valery Satterwhite is the Founder of the International Association for Inner Wizards. The greatest gift Membership can give you is to reaffirm the integrity of your own being. Within you lies all the knowledge about who you are, including your challenges and desires. The ultimate mission of the International Association for Inner Wizards is to reconnect you with the incredible power that is already within you and to encourage you to recognize it, use it and rely upon this resource that is your birthright. We simply deliver back to you that which is already your own. I guarantee no wrong turns will be made on your life's journey when you are empowered and guided by your Inner Wizard, your muse and personal guidance system. Get free mini-book "Discover Your Inner Wizard" today at http://www.InnerWizard.com.
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Lousy Childhood? Now You Can Be Your Own Parent
You want to improve your life. You're sick and tired of being sick and tired. You are willing to make changes as long as these changes don't disturb what is already comfortable. And you don't want improvement to require a lot of work. You want a quick fix. And you may not realize that even though you don't like it you're quiet comfortable in your sick and tired of being sick and tired existence. So you unknowingly fight back to stay right where you are.
And in that place of right where you are, your head is filled with "I should do" or "I'm supposed to be" thoughts. This self-defeating attitude weighs heavily on your daily experience. I'm not, not, not and I should, should, should. All day long.
You should according to whom? Are you playing the vocal soundtrack of parents, teachers and other well-meaning advisors telling you what you should want, should do, and should have in your life? "You should do this." "You can't have that." "You can't be a whatever and make money." Do you even stop to consider if you even want have, be or do what they suggest? And what you are now telling yourself endlessly that you are not that you should?
Who is really should-ing on you?
YOU!
Stop shoulding on yourself! Those shoulds and must do's are limiting and defeating. They range from unsupportive to ridicule and judgment. Sometimes well intentioned shoulds and musts dictated to you by others are abusive. They can penetrate deeply with hurt, pain and feelings of inadequacy. Self-defeating statements violate who you are. Your self-talk agreement with these statements only serve to separate you from what you really want and, thus, can suck the life energy right out of you. You spend your life swimming upstream fighting against what you really want to reach what you should or must want. And you're tired. And you're sick and tired of being sick and tired.
Stop playing the beat of the should drum that obviously isn't working for you. Be willing to move beyond this comfortable yet unfulfilling spot and play a new tune. You're an adult now. You no longer have to listen to parents and others as you deliberately create the life that you want to experience. Look for evidence of people who can and are doing what you've been told is impossible for you. If they can be, do or have it so can you.
Get out of your comfort zone. Become your own parent. That's your quick fix. Give yourself encouragement to support your real wants in life and give yourself plenty of positive feedback as you move towards reaching your goals, your desires, the life of your dreams.
"The intuitive mind is a sacred gift and the rational mind is a faithful servant. We have created a society that honors the servant and has forgotten the gift." - Albert Einstein
Valery is the Founder of the International Association for Inner Wizards. The greatest gift Membership can give you is to reaffirm the integrity of your own being. Within you lies all the knowledge about who you are, including your challenges and desires. The ultimate mission of the International Association for Inner Wizards is to reconnect you with the incredible power that is already within you and to encourage you to recognize it, use it and rely upon this resource that is your birthright. We simply deliver back to you that which is already your own. I guarantee no wrong turns will be made on your life's journey when you are empowered and guided by your Inner Wizard. Get free mini-book "Discover Your Inner Wizard" today at http://www.InnerWizard.com.
And in that place of right where you are, your head is filled with "I should do" or "I'm supposed to be" thoughts. This self-defeating attitude weighs heavily on your daily experience. I'm not, not, not and I should, should, should. All day long.
You should according to whom? Are you playing the vocal soundtrack of parents, teachers and other well-meaning advisors telling you what you should want, should do, and should have in your life? "You should do this." "You can't have that." "You can't be a whatever and make money." Do you even stop to consider if you even want have, be or do what they suggest? And what you are now telling yourself endlessly that you are not that you should?
Who is really should-ing on you?
YOU!
Stop shoulding on yourself! Those shoulds and must do's are limiting and defeating. They range from unsupportive to ridicule and judgment. Sometimes well intentioned shoulds and musts dictated to you by others are abusive. They can penetrate deeply with hurt, pain and feelings of inadequacy. Self-defeating statements violate who you are. Your self-talk agreement with these statements only serve to separate you from what you really want and, thus, can suck the life energy right out of you. You spend your life swimming upstream fighting against what you really want to reach what you should or must want. And you're tired. And you're sick and tired of being sick and tired.
Stop playing the beat of the should drum that obviously isn't working for you. Be willing to move beyond this comfortable yet unfulfilling spot and play a new tune. You're an adult now. You no longer have to listen to parents and others as you deliberately create the life that you want to experience. Look for evidence of people who can and are doing what you've been told is impossible for you. If they can be, do or have it so can you.
Get out of your comfort zone. Become your own parent. That's your quick fix. Give yourself encouragement to support your real wants in life and give yourself plenty of positive feedback as you move towards reaching your goals, your desires, the life of your dreams.
"The intuitive mind is a sacred gift and the rational mind is a faithful servant. We have created a society that honors the servant and has forgotten the gift." - Albert Einstein
Valery is the Founder of the International Association for Inner Wizards. The greatest gift Membership can give you is to reaffirm the integrity of your own being. Within you lies all the knowledge about who you are, including your challenges and desires. The ultimate mission of the International Association for Inner Wizards is to reconnect you with the incredible power that is already within you and to encourage you to recognize it, use it and rely upon this resource that is your birthright. We simply deliver back to you that which is already your own. I guarantee no wrong turns will be made on your life's journey when you are empowered and guided by your Inner Wizard. Get free mini-book "Discover Your Inner Wizard" today at http://www.InnerWizard.com.
Lousy Childhood? Now You Can Be Your Own Parent
You want to improve your life. You're sick and tired of being sick and tired. You are willing to make changes as long as these changes don't disturb what is already comfortable. And you don't want improvement to require a lot of work. You want a quick fix. And you may not realize that even though you don't like it you're quiet comfortable in your sick and tired of being sick and tired existence. So you unknowingly fight back to stay right where you are.
And in that place of right where you are, your head is filled with "I should do" or "I'm supposed to be" thoughts. This self-defeating attitude weighs heavily on your daily experience. I'm not, not, not and I should, should, should. All day long.
You should according to whom? Are you playing the vocal soundtrack of parents, teachers and other well-meaning advisors telling you what you should want, should do, and should have in your life? "You should do this." "You can't have that." "You can't be a whatever and make money." Do you even stop to consider if you even want have, be or do what they suggest? And what you are now telling yourself endlessly that you are not that you should?
Who is really should-ing on you?
YOU!
Stop shoulding on yourself! Those shoulds and must do's are limiting and defeating. They range from unsupportive to ridicule and judgment. Sometimes well intentioned shoulds and musts dictated to you by others are abusive. They can penetrate deeply with hurt, pain and feelings of inadequacy. Self-defeating statements violate who you are. Your self-talk agreement with these statements only serve to separate you from what you really want and, thus, can suck the life energy right out of you. You spend your life swimming upstream fighting against what you really want to reach what you should or must want. And you're tired. And you're sick and tired of being sick and tired.
Stop playing the beat of the should drum that obviously isn't working for you. Be willing to move beyond this comfortable yet unfulfilling spot and play a new tune. You're an adult now. You no longer have to listen to parents and others as you deliberately create the life that you want to experience. Look for evidence of people who can and are doing what you've been told is impossible for you. If they can be, do or have it so can you.
Get out of your comfort zone. Become your own parent. That's your quick fix. Give yourself encouragement to support your real wants in life and give yourself plenty of positive feedback as you move towards reaching your goals, your desires, the life of your dreams.
"The intuitive mind is a sacred gift and the rational mind is a faithful servant. We have created a society that honors the servant and has forgotten the gift." - Albert Einstein
Valery is the Founder of the International Association for Inner Wizards. The greatest gift Membership can give you is to reaffirm the integrity of your own being. Within you lies all the knowledge about who you are, including your challenges and desires. The ultimate mission of the International Association for Inner Wizards is to reconnect you with the incredible power that is already within you and to encourage you to recognize it, use it and rely upon this resource that is your birthright. We simply deliver back to you that which is already your own. I guarantee no wrong turns will be made on your life's journey when you are empowered and guided by your Inner Wizard. Get free mini-book "Discover Your Inner Wizard" today at http://www.InnerWizard.com.
And in that place of right where you are, your head is filled with "I should do" or "I'm supposed to be" thoughts. This self-defeating attitude weighs heavily on your daily experience. I'm not, not, not and I should, should, should. All day long.
You should according to whom? Are you playing the vocal soundtrack of parents, teachers and other well-meaning advisors telling you what you should want, should do, and should have in your life? "You should do this." "You can't have that." "You can't be a whatever and make money." Do you even stop to consider if you even want have, be or do what they suggest? And what you are now telling yourself endlessly that you are not that you should?
Who is really should-ing on you?
YOU!
Stop shoulding on yourself! Those shoulds and must do's are limiting and defeating. They range from unsupportive to ridicule and judgment. Sometimes well intentioned shoulds and musts dictated to you by others are abusive. They can penetrate deeply with hurt, pain and feelings of inadequacy. Self-defeating statements violate who you are. Your self-talk agreement with these statements only serve to separate you from what you really want and, thus, can suck the life energy right out of you. You spend your life swimming upstream fighting against what you really want to reach what you should or must want. And you're tired. And you're sick and tired of being sick and tired.
Stop playing the beat of the should drum that obviously isn't working for you. Be willing to move beyond this comfortable yet unfulfilling spot and play a new tune. You're an adult now. You no longer have to listen to parents and others as you deliberately create the life that you want to experience. Look for evidence of people who can and are doing what you've been told is impossible for you. If they can be, do or have it so can you.
Get out of your comfort zone. Become your own parent. That's your quick fix. Give yourself encouragement to support your real wants in life and give yourself plenty of positive feedback as you move towards reaching your goals, your desires, the life of your dreams.
"The intuitive mind is a sacred gift and the rational mind is a faithful servant. We have created a society that honors the servant and has forgotten the gift." - Albert Einstein
Valery is the Founder of the International Association for Inner Wizards. The greatest gift Membership can give you is to reaffirm the integrity of your own being. Within you lies all the knowledge about who you are, including your challenges and desires. The ultimate mission of the International Association for Inner Wizards is to reconnect you with the incredible power that is already within you and to encourage you to recognize it, use it and rely upon this resource that is your birthright. We simply deliver back to you that which is already your own. I guarantee no wrong turns will be made on your life's journey when you are empowered and guided by your Inner Wizard. Get free mini-book "Discover Your Inner Wizard" today at http://www.InnerWizard.com.
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
Stop Tolerating, Start Living
Are you putting up with things in your life that annoy you or drains the energy right out of you? A good majority of people have been carrying around suitcases filled with unfinished projects and things they are tolerating. You could be tolerating an annoying neighbor, excess weight, or a bad choice of home decor. These are things that get in your way and keep you from living the life of your dreams.
You tolerate what you don't like at home, work and in your personal life. You don't like these things but you tolerate them anyway. You don't like the stack of paper that's piled up high on your desk. You get frustrated when you can't find what you want to wear in your disorganized closet. You dread the long commute to work. Your car rattles as you drive and you tolerate the noise in stead of taking it in for repair. Are there science projects growing in your refrigerator?
These are the things that, for whatever reason, you tolerate in your life. Sometimes, they’re minor inconveniences like a dripping faucet or a friend that never shows up on time. People put up with, accept, take on and are burdened by other people's behaviors, circumstances, unfinished business, problems, and 'stuff'. People tolerate their own negative behavior even if they don't like how they are behaving.
People tolerate old and no longer necessary thoughts and belief systems. There are even people who tolerate serious things like physical or emotional abuse. Why is that?
You do not do anything unless you get something out of it. Yes, you are getting something out of tolerating what you are putting up with in your life. What does tolerating allow you to be, do and have. If you examine your tolerations you will Find Excuses And Reasons (F.E.A.R.) to justify the toleration. It comes down to a basic fear of moving beyond your current comfort zone. You don't like your current comfort zone that includes the things you put up with but its what you know and, therefore, safe. No surprises.
So what are you tolerating?
Take some time to look at your life as it is right now. What are you tolerating that you’d rather be rid of? Make a list of what you have in your life that you do not want yet are tolerating. As you think of more items, add them to your list. What are you getting out of putting up with these things, these experiences? What would happen if you stopped tolerating and made appropriate changes? Who would you be, what would you have and what could you do if you were no longer tolerating these things? What is stopping you from stopping your toleration?
As you clear out the clutter, the incompletes, the stuff you put up with you will create a clear path and space to bring in the things and experiences you do want to have in your life. If you want to embark on a road to personal growth and abundant living then you have to clear your runway. Get rid of the debris of tolerations so you can take off and soar!
Valery is the Founder of the International Association for Inner Wizards. The greatest gift Membership can give you is to reaffirm the integrity of your own being. Within you lies all the knowledge about who you are, including your challenges and desires. The ultimate mission of the International Association for Inner Wizards is to reconnect you with the incredible power that is already within you and to encourage you to recognize it, use it and rely upon this resource that is your birthright. We simply deliver back to you that which is already your own. I guarantee no wrong turns will be made on your life's journey when you are empowered and guided by your Inner Wizard. Get free mini-book "Discover Your Inner Wizard" today at http://www.InnerWizard.com.
You tolerate what you don't like at home, work and in your personal life. You don't like these things but you tolerate them anyway. You don't like the stack of paper that's piled up high on your desk. You get frustrated when you can't find what you want to wear in your disorganized closet. You dread the long commute to work. Your car rattles as you drive and you tolerate the noise in stead of taking it in for repair. Are there science projects growing in your refrigerator?
These are the things that, for whatever reason, you tolerate in your life. Sometimes, they’re minor inconveniences like a dripping faucet or a friend that never shows up on time. People put up with, accept, take on and are burdened by other people's behaviors, circumstances, unfinished business, problems, and 'stuff'. People tolerate their own negative behavior even if they don't like how they are behaving.
People tolerate old and no longer necessary thoughts and belief systems. There are even people who tolerate serious things like physical or emotional abuse. Why is that?
You do not do anything unless you get something out of it. Yes, you are getting something out of tolerating what you are putting up with in your life. What does tolerating allow you to be, do and have. If you examine your tolerations you will Find Excuses And Reasons (F.E.A.R.) to justify the toleration. It comes down to a basic fear of moving beyond your current comfort zone. You don't like your current comfort zone that includes the things you put up with but its what you know and, therefore, safe. No surprises.
So what are you tolerating?
Take some time to look at your life as it is right now. What are you tolerating that you’d rather be rid of? Make a list of what you have in your life that you do not want yet are tolerating. As you think of more items, add them to your list. What are you getting out of putting up with these things, these experiences? What would happen if you stopped tolerating and made appropriate changes? Who would you be, what would you have and what could you do if you were no longer tolerating these things? What is stopping you from stopping your toleration?
As you clear out the clutter, the incompletes, the stuff you put up with you will create a clear path and space to bring in the things and experiences you do want to have in your life. If you want to embark on a road to personal growth and abundant living then you have to clear your runway. Get rid of the debris of tolerations so you can take off and soar!
Valery is the Founder of the International Association for Inner Wizards. The greatest gift Membership can give you is to reaffirm the integrity of your own being. Within you lies all the knowledge about who you are, including your challenges and desires. The ultimate mission of the International Association for Inner Wizards is to reconnect you with the incredible power that is already within you and to encourage you to recognize it, use it and rely upon this resource that is your birthright. We simply deliver back to you that which is already your own. I guarantee no wrong turns will be made on your life's journey when you are empowered and guided by your Inner Wizard. Get free mini-book "Discover Your Inner Wizard" today at http://www.InnerWizard.com.
Saturday, February 7, 2009
The Ego: A Misguided Inner Critic
I spent several weeks envisioning a graphical image of the Inner Critic. I worked with a fabulous cartoonist, Gary Cooper of Cooptoons, to create a gnarly looking, yet lovable and fun creature. I wanted something that at first glance looked scary and at the second glance looked hug-able. The Inner Critic is really a frightened little child. And this frighten little child has the job of keeping you safe and happy. While it means well, this Inner Critic is woefully misguided. It thinks that what will keep you safe and happy is to keep you stuck, right where you are, in your current comfort zone. It knows that you may not like your current comfort zone but it's what the Inner Critic knows and so it feels safe. The Inner Critic will resist, throw a fit of drama, if you try to stretch, grow and move beyond your current comfort zone.
When you observe the ego in yourself,
you are beginning to go beyond it.
Don't take the ego too seriously.
When you detect egoist behavior in yourself, smile.
At times you may even laugh...
Above all, know that the ego isn't personal.
It isn't who you are.
David R. Hawkins, M.D. Ph.D., author of "Power vs. Force"
Yes, smile. Comfort that scared little child with a reminder that you will always be safe. Your purpose here is to stretch, grow and continuously move into newer, bigger and better comfort zones. Tell it that what it fears isn't real. Put him in the back seat with a sippy cup and a blankie and you travel forward on your personal journey of self-awareness, abundance and peaceful joyful living.
"The intuitive mind is a sacred gift and the rational mind is a faithful servant. We have created a society that honors the servant and has forgotten the gift." - Albert Einstein
Valery is the Founder of the International Association for Inner Wizards. She teaches people how to tame their self-doubt and fear, empower their intuition, truth and inspiration to live a joyous and peaceful life. Everything you need to be, do and have is already within you. Your Inner Wizard is the best coach, guide, guru, teacher and shaman you could ever hope to have. Let your Inner Critic take a back seat, with a blankie and a sippy cup, as you deliberately place your Inner Wizard power in the driver seat as you drive towards your rich delicious life. I guarantee no wrong turns will be made on your life's journey when you are guided by your Inner Wizard. Get free mini-book "Discover Your Inner Wizard" today at http://www.InnerWizard.com.
The Ego: A Misguided Inner Critic
I spent several weeks envisioning a graphical image of the Inner Critic. I worked with a fabulous cartoonist, Gary Cooper of Cooptoons, to create a gnarly looking, yet lovable and fun creature. I wanted something that at first glance looked scary and at the second glance looked hug-able. The Inner Critic is really a frightened little child. And this frighten little child has the job of keeping you safe and happy. While it means well, this Inner Critic is woefully misguided. It thinks that what will keep you safe and happy is to keep you stuck, right where you are, in your current comfort zone. It knows that you may not like your current comfort zone but it's what the Inner Critic knows and so it feels safe. The Inner Critic will resist, throw a fit of drama, if you try to stretch, grow and move beyond your current comfort zone.
When you observe the ego in yourself,
you are beginning to go beyond it.
Don't take the ego too seriously.
When you detect egoist behavior in yourself, smile.
At times you may even laugh...
Above all, know that the ego isn't personal.
It isn't who you are.
David R. Hawkins, M.D. Ph.D., author of "Power vs. Force"
Yes, smile. Comfort that scared little child with a reminder that you will always be safe. Your purpose here is to stretch, grow and continuously move into newer, bigger and better comfort zones. Tell it that what it fears isn't real. Put him in the back seat with a sippy cup and a blankie and you travel forward on your personal journey of self-awareness, abundance and peaceful joyful living.
"The intuitive mind is a sacred gift and the rational mind is a faithful servant. We have created a society that honors the servant and has forgotten the gift." - Albert Einstein
Valery is the Founder of the International Association for Inner Wizards. She teaches people how to tame their self-doubt and fear, empower their intuition, truth and inspiration to live a joyous and peaceful life. Everything you need to be, do and have is already within you. Your Inner Wizard is the best coach, guide, guru, teacher and shaman you could ever hope to have. Let your Inner Critic take a back seat, with a blankie and a sippy cup, as you deliberately place your Inner Wizard power in the driver seat as you drive towards your rich delicious life. I guarantee no wrong turns will be made on your life's journey when you are guided by your Inner Wizard. Get free mini-book "Discover Your Inner Wizard" today at http://www.InnerWizard.com.
Thursday, February 5, 2009
EFT is Unconditional Love
Many people have discovered the Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) to relieve emotional blocks and stress. EFT was developed on the basic discovery that the cause of all negative emotions is a disruption in the body's energy system. Tapping with specific attention and intention to relieve an emotional block on the body's meridian points - acupressure instead of acupuncture - the body's energy system will realign and remove a disruption or block, thus altering emotional behavior patterns within the individual.
People beat the drum and beat the drum with their story. "I'm not fill-in-the-blank enough" to whatever, or "I did or felt some unwanted thing" and "that's why I can't be, do or have what I want in life" is the story many people tell themselves and others throughout their life. And they subconsciously work hard to make sure the story stays true. It's how they identify themselves. People may not like their story but it's what they know so it's safe and comfortable. The disrupted life is all they know even these same people long for some other way of being.
EFT has helped many people get out of tired old limiting and often painful comfort zones.
How does EFT work? Is it really about tapping with intention on the body's meridian points? Could be, yet that doesn't explain why many people find relief using EFT while missing every point along the meridian. Many people don't even tap, they just imagine themselves tapping and find relief. So, how does EFT really work?
EFT starts with a set-up statement while tapping on the fatty part of the side of the hand - the karate chop point. This statement has the following structure:
"Even though I have this (fear, pain, issue, conflict, unwanted thing), I deeply and completely love and accept myself."
Let me repeat the last part of that sentence, "I deeply and completely love and accept myself".
For many people this is the first time they've ever uttered, let alone thought, that they could deeply and completely love and accept themselves. All emotional healing is a process of profoundly loving and accepting oneself. An unconditional love of self.
Yes, people can and do behave badly. Mistakes are made. Yet no one gets out of bed in the morning and says "How can I cause problems for myself and others today?" No one deliberately self-sabotages or hurts others. Everyone is doing the best they can with the light, the emotional intelligence, they have to see. And some people have a few more batteries in that flashlight than others. Yet, everyone is doing the best they can.
The key to unconditional love of self and others is this understanding that even when woefully misguided you and everyone else is doing the best they can. Even the most horrible action was thought to be a good idea for the person committing it. Not much light in that flashlight!
Instead of beating the drum about your story of 'not enough' or 'can't because', beating yourself up, love and accept yourself as someone doing the best he or she can. Shine some light upon yourself. Give yourself permission to change your story and be, do or have enough so you can be, do and have whatever you long to be, do and have. Forgive and let go of your perceived limitations and mistakes. Embrace the gift in the lesson learned. Find evidence to the contrary of "I'm not enough".
Unconditional love is the freedom and release of fear, pain and all limitation. You are meant to be and express unconditional love. When you limit this expression you limit yourself. And the greatest energetic power is unconditional love. It is available to us at any moment we focus upon it. Unconditional love is the creative force of your unlimited possibility!
"One word frees us of all the weight and pain in life. That word is love." - Sophocles
Valery is the Founder of the International Association for Inner Wizards. Learn how to tame your Inner Critic, the voice of your self-doubt and fear, and empower your Inner Wizard, your intuition and inspiration, to effortlessly turn your dreams into reality. Everything you need to be, do and have is already within you. Your Inner Wizard is the best coach, guide, guru, teacher and shaman you could ever hope to have. Let your Inner Critic take a back seat, with a blankie and a sippy cup, as you deliberately place your Inner Wizard power in the driver seat as you drive towards your rich delicious life. I guarantee no wrong turns will be made on your life's journey when you are guided by your Inner Wizard. Get free mini-book "Discover Your Inner Wizard" today at http://www.InnerWizard.com.
People beat the drum and beat the drum with their story. "I'm not fill-in-the-blank enough" to whatever, or "I did or felt some unwanted thing" and "that's why I can't be, do or have what I want in life" is the story many people tell themselves and others throughout their life. And they subconsciously work hard to make sure the story stays true. It's how they identify themselves. People may not like their story but it's what they know so it's safe and comfortable. The disrupted life is all they know even these same people long for some other way of being.
EFT has helped many people get out of tired old limiting and often painful comfort zones.
How does EFT work? Is it really about tapping with intention on the body's meridian points? Could be, yet that doesn't explain why many people find relief using EFT while missing every point along the meridian. Many people don't even tap, they just imagine themselves tapping and find relief. So, how does EFT really work?
EFT starts with a set-up statement while tapping on the fatty part of the side of the hand - the karate chop point. This statement has the following structure:
"Even though I have this (fear, pain, issue, conflict, unwanted thing), I deeply and completely love and accept myself."
Let me repeat the last part of that sentence, "I deeply and completely love and accept myself".
For many people this is the first time they've ever uttered, let alone thought, that they could deeply and completely love and accept themselves. All emotional healing is a process of profoundly loving and accepting oneself. An unconditional love of self.
Yes, people can and do behave badly. Mistakes are made. Yet no one gets out of bed in the morning and says "How can I cause problems for myself and others today?" No one deliberately self-sabotages or hurts others. Everyone is doing the best they can with the light, the emotional intelligence, they have to see. And some people have a few more batteries in that flashlight than others. Yet, everyone is doing the best they can.
The key to unconditional love of self and others is this understanding that even when woefully misguided you and everyone else is doing the best they can. Even the most horrible action was thought to be a good idea for the person committing it. Not much light in that flashlight!
Instead of beating the drum about your story of 'not enough' or 'can't because', beating yourself up, love and accept yourself as someone doing the best he or she can. Shine some light upon yourself. Give yourself permission to change your story and be, do or have enough so you can be, do and have whatever you long to be, do and have. Forgive and let go of your perceived limitations and mistakes. Embrace the gift in the lesson learned. Find evidence to the contrary of "I'm not enough".
Unconditional love is the freedom and release of fear, pain and all limitation. You are meant to be and express unconditional love. When you limit this expression you limit yourself. And the greatest energetic power is unconditional love. It is available to us at any moment we focus upon it. Unconditional love is the creative force of your unlimited possibility!
"One word frees us of all the weight and pain in life. That word is love." - Sophocles
Valery is the Founder of the International Association for Inner Wizards. Learn how to tame your Inner Critic, the voice of your self-doubt and fear, and empower your Inner Wizard, your intuition and inspiration, to effortlessly turn your dreams into reality. Everything you need to be, do and have is already within you. Your Inner Wizard is the best coach, guide, guru, teacher and shaman you could ever hope to have. Let your Inner Critic take a back seat, with a blankie and a sippy cup, as you deliberately place your Inner Wizard power in the driver seat as you drive towards your rich delicious life. I guarantee no wrong turns will be made on your life's journey when you are guided by your Inner Wizard. Get free mini-book "Discover Your Inner Wizard" today at http://www.InnerWizard.com.
EFT is Unconditional Love
Many people have discovered the Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) to relieve emotional blocks and stress. EFT was developed on the basic discovery that the cause of all negative emotions is a disruption in the body's energy system. Tapping with specific attention and intention to relieve an emotional block on the body's meridian points - acupressure instead of acupuncture - the body's energy system will realign and remove a disruption or block, thus altering emotional behavior patterns within the individual.
People beat the drum and beat the drum with their story. "I'm not fill-in-the-blank enough" to whatever, or "I did or felt some unwanted thing" and "that's why I can't be, do or have what I want in life" is the story many people tell themselves and others throughout their life. And they subconsciously work hard to make sure the story stays true. It's how they identify themselves. People may not like their story but it's what they know so it's safe and comfortable. The disrupted life is all they know even these same people long for some other way of being.
EFT has helped many people get out of tired old limiting and often painful comfort zones.
How does EFT work? Is it really about tapping with intention on the body's meridian points? Could be, yet that doesn't explain why many people find relief using EFT while missing every point along the meridian. Many people don't even tap, they just imagine themselves tapping and find relief. So, how does EFT really work?
EFT starts with a set-up statement while tapping on the fatty part of the side of the hand - the karate chop point. This statement has the following structure:
"Even though I have this (fear, pain, issue, conflict, unwanted thing), I deeply and completely love and accept myself."
Let me repeat the last part of that sentence, "I deeply and completely love and accept myself".
For many people this is the first time they've ever uttered, let alone thought, that they could deeply and completely love and accept themselves. All emotional healing is a process of profoundly loving and accepting oneself. An unconditional love of self.
Yes, people can and do behave badly. Mistakes are made. Yet no one gets out of bed in the morning and says "How can I cause problems for myself and others today?" No one deliberately self-sabotages or hurts others. Everyone is doing the best they can with the light, the emotional intelligence, they have to see. And some people have a few more batteries in that flashlight than others. Yet, everyone is doing the best they can.
The key to unconditional love of self and others is this understanding that even when woefully misguided you and everyone else is doing the best they can. Even the most horrible action was thought to be a good idea for the person committing it. Not much light in that flashlight!
Instead of beating the drum about your story of 'not enough' or 'can't because', beating yourself up, love and accept yourself as someone doing the best he or she can. Shine some light upon yourself. Give yourself permission to change your story and be, do or have enough so you can be, do and have whatever you long to be, do and have. Forgive and let go of your perceived limitations and mistakes. Embrace the gift in the lesson learned. Find evidence to the contrary of "I'm not enough".
Unconditional love is the freedom and release of fear, pain and all limitation. You are meant to be and express unconditional love. When you limit this expression you limit yourself. And the greatest energetic power is unconditional love. It is available to us at any moment we focus upon it. Unconditional love is the creative force of your unlimited possibility!
"One word frees us of all the weight and pain in life. That word is love." - Sophocles
Valery is the Founder of the International Association for Inner Wizards. Learn how to tame your Inner Critic, the voice of your self-doubt and fear, and empower your Inner Wizard, your intuition and inspiration, to effortlessly turn your dreams into reality. Everything you need to be, do and have is already within you. Your Inner Wizard is the best coach, guide, guru, teacher and shaman you could ever hope to have. Let your Inner Critic take a back seat, with a blankie and a sippy cup, as you deliberately place your Inner Wizard power in the driver seat as you drive towards your rich delicious life. I guarantee no wrong turns will be made on your life's journey when you are guided by your Inner Wizard. Get free mini-book "Discover Your Inner Wizard" today at http://www.InnerWizard.com.
People beat the drum and beat the drum with their story. "I'm not fill-in-the-blank enough" to whatever, or "I did or felt some unwanted thing" and "that's why I can't be, do or have what I want in life" is the story many people tell themselves and others throughout their life. And they subconsciously work hard to make sure the story stays true. It's how they identify themselves. People may not like their story but it's what they know so it's safe and comfortable. The disrupted life is all they know even these same people long for some other way of being.
EFT has helped many people get out of tired old limiting and often painful comfort zones.
How does EFT work? Is it really about tapping with intention on the body's meridian points? Could be, yet that doesn't explain why many people find relief using EFT while missing every point along the meridian. Many people don't even tap, they just imagine themselves tapping and find relief. So, how does EFT really work?
EFT starts with a set-up statement while tapping on the fatty part of the side of the hand - the karate chop point. This statement has the following structure:
"Even though I have this (fear, pain, issue, conflict, unwanted thing), I deeply and completely love and accept myself."
Let me repeat the last part of that sentence, "I deeply and completely love and accept myself".
For many people this is the first time they've ever uttered, let alone thought, that they could deeply and completely love and accept themselves. All emotional healing is a process of profoundly loving and accepting oneself. An unconditional love of self.
Yes, people can and do behave badly. Mistakes are made. Yet no one gets out of bed in the morning and says "How can I cause problems for myself and others today?" No one deliberately self-sabotages or hurts others. Everyone is doing the best they can with the light, the emotional intelligence, they have to see. And some people have a few more batteries in that flashlight than others. Yet, everyone is doing the best they can.
The key to unconditional love of self and others is this understanding that even when woefully misguided you and everyone else is doing the best they can. Even the most horrible action was thought to be a good idea for the person committing it. Not much light in that flashlight!
Instead of beating the drum about your story of 'not enough' or 'can't because', beating yourself up, love and accept yourself as someone doing the best he or she can. Shine some light upon yourself. Give yourself permission to change your story and be, do or have enough so you can be, do and have whatever you long to be, do and have. Forgive and let go of your perceived limitations and mistakes. Embrace the gift in the lesson learned. Find evidence to the contrary of "I'm not enough".
Unconditional love is the freedom and release of fear, pain and all limitation. You are meant to be and express unconditional love. When you limit this expression you limit yourself. And the greatest energetic power is unconditional love. It is available to us at any moment we focus upon it. Unconditional love is the creative force of your unlimited possibility!
"One word frees us of all the weight and pain in life. That word is love." - Sophocles
Valery is the Founder of the International Association for Inner Wizards. Learn how to tame your Inner Critic, the voice of your self-doubt and fear, and empower your Inner Wizard, your intuition and inspiration, to effortlessly turn your dreams into reality. Everything you need to be, do and have is already within you. Your Inner Wizard is the best coach, guide, guru, teacher and shaman you could ever hope to have. Let your Inner Critic take a back seat, with a blankie and a sippy cup, as you deliberately place your Inner Wizard power in the driver seat as you drive towards your rich delicious life. I guarantee no wrong turns will be made on your life's journey when you are guided by your Inner Wizard. Get free mini-book "Discover Your Inner Wizard" today at http://www.InnerWizard.com.
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
Inspiring Athletes: "Don't Make Me Cry, Roy"
I spent a delightful weekend reading Roy Firestone's book, "Don't Make Me Cry, Roy - Adventures in Interviewing". Roy is a known sportscaster famous for his poignant personal interviews with over 5,000 sports stars and other celebrities. You might have seen him as himself in the movie "Jerry Maguire" where he brings Cuba Gooding Jr.'s character to crocodile tears during a televised interview.
I am not a sports fan. I had no idea what teams were playing in the Superbowl. So, why was I reading Roy's book? Roy has the unprecedented ability to get into and reveal the mindset of his guest and deliver their stories in an honest and humorous tone. What makes these people champions and what makes them often crash and burn in the tabloids is fascinating to me. Roy's book delivers humorous personal anecdotes and touching emotional stories that are 'offered up from the heart, and from the best seat in the house'.
Roy also describes his own personal journey as a sports fan, world-class interviewer, performer and father as he turned his dreams into reality and was inspired by others along the way. Roy discovered that the life of an athlete and his own life paralleled in that it wasn't just about perspiration, it was about inspiration too. He was inspired by those who triumphed over enormous odds in their professional sports careers as well as their personal lives. He learned valuable lessons from those who seemingly had it all and threw it away with inflated egos, unsportsmanlike behavior and bad judgement. Perhaps the most profound stories were the ones where a fallen superstar picked himself up to win the next chapter in his life. Yes, some of our coveted sports giants went from knucklehead jerk status to hero and left a legacy in the inspiration they provided off the field.
Here are a few examples from the book:
Magic Johnson - Went from super basketball star to cast-out tagged with the stigma of A.I.D.S. and then beloved philanthropic entrepreneur. Magic said to Roy, "What A.I.D.S. taught me was to love your dreams more. The biggest thing I dreamed as a kid was I always wanted to be viewed as a businessman, someone who could see something and make it happen. So when I talk about rebuilding inner cities, and people told me there was no money and no money to do it, I said we had to do it, we need to put some pride in this community."
And he did it. He built theaters, franchised stores, restaurants and fitness centers. He built growth where there was none, created jobs where there was none and opened up possibilities for people who had none before. This is Magic's legacy. He continues to fulfill his wildest dreams by discovering the gift in what is viewed as a death sentence for many. Magic is the shining example that dreams can always come true if you believe - believe in your self.
Andre Agassi speaking to the crowd on his 2006 U.S. Open defeat:
"The scoreboard said I lost today but the scoreboard doesn't say what I have found. And over the last 21 years I have found loyalty. You pulled for me on the court and also in life. I've found inspiration. You have willed me to succeed even in my lowest moments. And I've found generosity. You have given me your shoulders to stand on to reach for my dreams - dreams I could never have reached without you. Over the last 21 years I have found you and I will take you, and the memory of you, with me for the rest of my life. Thank you."
This statement was from that once very public jerk of a trouble maker, a spoiled punk of a kid on and off the court. Tennis may have delivered a fortune to Agassi but the gift that mattered, that influenced his life more than anything else, was the lesson he learned about compassion. Since his 2006 defeat, Agassi's legacy has been his compassion and philanthropic endeavors for underprivileged children.
This is just a small glimpse into the treasure chest of inspiring and heart-wrenching stories told by Roy Firestone, the guy sitting front-row center to the lives, loves and losses of giants on and off the game. The real champions are the ones who scored biggest in life. I encourage you to pick up a copy today at Amazon.com.
Valery is the Founder of the International Association for Inner Wizards. Learn how to tame your Inner Critic, the voice of your self-doubt and fear, and empower your Inner Wizard, your intuition and inspiration, to effortlessly turn your dreams into reality. Everything you need to be, do and have is already within you. Your Inner Wizard is the best coach, guide, guru, teacher and shaman you could ever hope to have. Let your Inner Critic take a back seat, with a blankie and a sippy cup, as you deliberately place your Inner Wizard power in the driver seat as you drive towards your rich delicious life. I guarantee no wrong turns will be made on your life's journey when you are guided by your Inner Wizard. Get free mini-book "Discover Your Inner Wizard" today at http://www.InnerWizard.com.
I am not a sports fan. I had no idea what teams were playing in the Superbowl. So, why was I reading Roy's book? Roy has the unprecedented ability to get into and reveal the mindset of his guest and deliver their stories in an honest and humorous tone. What makes these people champions and what makes them often crash and burn in the tabloids is fascinating to me. Roy's book delivers humorous personal anecdotes and touching emotional stories that are 'offered up from the heart, and from the best seat in the house'.
Roy also describes his own personal journey as a sports fan, world-class interviewer, performer and father as he turned his dreams into reality and was inspired by others along the way. Roy discovered that the life of an athlete and his own life paralleled in that it wasn't just about perspiration, it was about inspiration too. He was inspired by those who triumphed over enormous odds in their professional sports careers as well as their personal lives. He learned valuable lessons from those who seemingly had it all and threw it away with inflated egos, unsportsmanlike behavior and bad judgement. Perhaps the most profound stories were the ones where a fallen superstar picked himself up to win the next chapter in his life. Yes, some of our coveted sports giants went from knucklehead jerk status to hero and left a legacy in the inspiration they provided off the field.
Here are a few examples from the book:
Magic Johnson - Went from super basketball star to cast-out tagged with the stigma of A.I.D.S. and then beloved philanthropic entrepreneur. Magic said to Roy, "What A.I.D.S. taught me was to love your dreams more. The biggest thing I dreamed as a kid was I always wanted to be viewed as a businessman, someone who could see something and make it happen. So when I talk about rebuilding inner cities, and people told me there was no money and no money to do it, I said we had to do it, we need to put some pride in this community."
And he did it. He built theaters, franchised stores, restaurants and fitness centers. He built growth where there was none, created jobs where there was none and opened up possibilities for people who had none before. This is Magic's legacy. He continues to fulfill his wildest dreams by discovering the gift in what is viewed as a death sentence for many. Magic is the shining example that dreams can always come true if you believe - believe in your self.
Andre Agassi speaking to the crowd on his 2006 U.S. Open defeat:
"The scoreboard said I lost today but the scoreboard doesn't say what I have found. And over the last 21 years I have found loyalty. You pulled for me on the court and also in life. I've found inspiration. You have willed me to succeed even in my lowest moments. And I've found generosity. You have given me your shoulders to stand on to reach for my dreams - dreams I could never have reached without you. Over the last 21 years I have found you and I will take you, and the memory of you, with me for the rest of my life. Thank you."
This statement was from that once very public jerk of a trouble maker, a spoiled punk of a kid on and off the court. Tennis may have delivered a fortune to Agassi but the gift that mattered, that influenced his life more than anything else, was the lesson he learned about compassion. Since his 2006 defeat, Agassi's legacy has been his compassion and philanthropic endeavors for underprivileged children.
This is just a small glimpse into the treasure chest of inspiring and heart-wrenching stories told by Roy Firestone, the guy sitting front-row center to the lives, loves and losses of giants on and off the game. The real champions are the ones who scored biggest in life. I encourage you to pick up a copy today at Amazon.com.
Valery is the Founder of the International Association for Inner Wizards. Learn how to tame your Inner Critic, the voice of your self-doubt and fear, and empower your Inner Wizard, your intuition and inspiration, to effortlessly turn your dreams into reality. Everything you need to be, do and have is already within you. Your Inner Wizard is the best coach, guide, guru, teacher and shaman you could ever hope to have. Let your Inner Critic take a back seat, with a blankie and a sippy cup, as you deliberately place your Inner Wizard power in the driver seat as you drive towards your rich delicious life. I guarantee no wrong turns will be made on your life's journey when you are guided by your Inner Wizard. Get free mini-book "Discover Your Inner Wizard" today at http://www.InnerWizard.com.
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