Your Relationships Reflect Your Relationship with You

"Each relationship you have with another person reflects the relationship you have with yourself." - Alice Deville.

You have a lot of personal and professional relationships in your life. Some relationships are loving, satisfying, uplifting, supportive and enrich your life experience. You love spending time with these people. They motivate and inspire you. Other relationships are tense, adversarial, problematic, strained, and exhausting. You don't like, or avoid, spending time with the people who drain the life energy right out of you. The funny thing is that all of your relationships, good and bad, are a reflection of the relationship you have with yourself.

How can that be?

It's very simple, really. You love the good relationships that you have because these people reflect what you like about yourself. They're kind, giving, nice, loyal, fun to be with, and all of the other attributes that you enjoy when you're involved in a good relationship. You dislike the people you have difficulty with because they reflect the parts of you that you don't like. In these people you see something in them, however tiny or large, that you don't like about yourself. If they're needy, they remind you of the times when you have been needy. If they're rude, they're a reminder of the pain you caused others by your own rudeness. If they're annoying they bring out the annoyer in you. If they are liars, they remind you of the time you lied, how that felt and the damage that lie may have caused you or others.

Pay particular attention to the people who bother you, get under your skin, for no apparent reason. These people reflect something within you that you have been unwilling to see.

I'll give you an example.

Several years ago I had a business associate, Naomi, who irritated the heck out of me. Naomi was a nice enough person, never hurt me, but every time I saw her my skin crawled. If she said, "Hi. How are you?" I wanted to run in the other direction. Any time she called with a business related question or invitation I couldn't get off the phone fast enough. Naomi frequently invited me to networking events and I always found some excuse to decline. For some unexplained reason I just didn't want to be around this woman.

Yes, I Found Excuses And Reasons (F.E.A.R.) not to like her. To me, Naomi was a pushy, needy, wishy-washy person who just wanted to cling onto me to advance her career. What I didn't realize at the time was that I had been a pushy, needy, wishy-washy person who clung onto other people to advance my early career. I'd grown up a lot since then and was no longer that person, yet I definitely once was that girl. And now Naomi was reflecting that behavior back to me. And it bothered me to even think of her. I did not want to be reminded that I, too, was once at that very same place in my personal journey of self-awareness and development.

You love what is reflected back to you that you love within you. You dislike what is reflected back to you that you dislike within you. You are neutral to what is presented to you that is not a reflection of you.

Examine your relationships with the people in your life. Identify the attributes you love and like in the people you have a good relationship with. You hold these attributes too. Acknowledge and own them. Love that part of you. Identify the attributes you don't like in the people you have a bad, or troubled, relationship with. You hold these attributes too. Acknowledge and own them. Have compassion and forgiveness for that part of yourself and of the other person for each of you are only doing the best you can given the light you have to see. Granted, some people have fewer batteries in their flashlight than others! Yet they are still doing the best they can. No one deliberately decides to exhibit unwanted behavior. Learn the lesson to add a few more volts to that flashlight of yours. Every relationship, good and bad, brings gifts in the lessons and the light they offer to you. Cherish the gift. It will empower you as you continue to move forward in the direction of living your rich delicious life.

"Life is a succession of lessons, which must be lived to be understood." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Valery is a Moxie Master who will teach you how to have the confident courage to go after what you REALLY want with unrelenting drive and passion. That's Moxie! Claim your truth, own your power & command your stage with her unique fast Moxie Therapy process. Get going. Get it done. Moxie Up! today! Get free tips at http://www.MoxieTherapy.com

Your Relationships Reflect Your Relationship with You

"Each relationship you have with another person reflects the relationship you have with yourself." - Alice Deville.

You have a lot of personal and professional relationships in your life. Some relationships are loving, satisfying, uplifting, supportive and enrich your life experience. You love spending time with these people. They motivate and inspire you. Other relationships are tense, adversarial, problematic, strained, and exhausting. You don't like, or avoid, spending time with the people who drain the life energy right out of you. The funny thing is that all of your relationships, good and bad, are a reflection of the relationship you have with yourself.

How can that be?

It's very simple, really. You love the good relationships that you have because these people reflect what you like about yourself. They're kind, giving, nice, loyal, fun to be with, and all of the other attributes that you enjoy when you're involved in a good relationship. You dislike the people you have difficulty with because they reflect the parts of you that you don't like. In these people you see something in them, however tiny or large, that you don't like about yourself. If they're needy, they remind you of the times when you have been needy. If they're rude, they're a reminder of the pain you caused others by your own rudeness. If they're annoying they bring out the annoyer in you. If they are liars, they remind you of the time you lied, how that felt and the damage that lie may have caused you or others.

Pay particular attention to the people who bother you, get under your skin, for no apparent reason. These people reflect something within you that you have been unwilling to see.

I'll give you an example.

Several years ago I had a business associate, Naomi, who irritated the heck out of me. Naomi was a nice enough person, never hurt me, but every time I saw her my skin crawled. If she said, "Hi. How are you?" I wanted to run in the other direction. Any time she called with a business related question or invitation I couldn't get off the phone fast enough. Naomi frequently invited me to networking events and I always found some excuse to decline. For some unexplained reason I just didn't want to be around this woman.

Yes, I Found Excuses And Reasons (F.E.A.R.) not to like her. To me, Naomi was a pushy, needy, wishy-washy person who just wanted to cling onto me to advance her career. What I didn't realize at the time was that I had been a pushy, needy, wishy-washy person who clung onto other people to advance my early career. I'd grown up a lot since then and was no longer that person, yet I definitely once was that girl. And now Naomi was reflecting that behavior back to me. And it bothered me to even think of her. I did not want to be reminded that I, too, was once at that very same place in my personal journey of self-awareness and development.

You love what is reflected back to you that you love within you. You dislike what is reflected back to you that you dislike within you. You are neutral to what is presented to you that is not a reflection of you.

Examine your relationships with the people in your life. Identify the attributes you love and like in the people you have a good relationship with. You hold these attributes too. Acknowledge and own them. Love that part of you. Identify the attributes you don't like in the people you have a bad, or troubled, relationship with. You hold these attributes too. Acknowledge and own them. Have compassion and forgiveness for that part of yourself and of the other person for each of you are only doing the best you can given the light you have to see. Granted, some people have fewer batteries in their flashlight than others! Yet they are still doing the best they can. No one deliberately decides to exhibit unwanted behavior. Learn the lesson to add a few more volts to that flashlight of yours. Every relationship, good and bad, brings gifts in the lessons and the light they offer to you. Cherish the gift. It will empower you as you continue to move forward in the direction of living your rich delicious life.

"Life is a succession of lessons, which must be lived to be understood." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Valery is a Moxie Master who will teach you how to have the confident courage to go after what you REALLY want with unrelenting drive and passion. That's Moxie! Claim your truth, own your power & command your stage with her unique fast Moxie Therapy process. Get going. Get it done. Moxie Up! today! Get free tips at http://www.MoxieTherapy.com

Grow Up. Move Out. Move On. Moxie Up

I often ask successful people what was the best piece of advice they ever got from a parent. What words of wisdom carried them forward as they achieved their personal and professional goals? Responses such as "Don't take anything for granted", "You have to work hard and struggle for success" and "It takes money to make money" are among the most common. I posed this same question to Wendy, a woman I met at a luncheon not long ago. Her quick response was "Grow up. Move out." That was her Dad's mantra to her ever since she was a very young child.

Wendy had a good, loving relationship with her father. He is no longer with us yet his sage word of advice echo in Wendy's conscious every day. The wisdom has changed a bit over the years. "Move Out" now means: Out of my comfort zone! Wendy is now a very successful financial planner and the Mother to two beautiful children. "Grow Up. Move out" encouraged Wendy to take full responsibility for her life.

She allowed her inner child to grow up without fear and self-doubt while maintaining a playfully creative approach to life's challenges and opportunities. Wendy never empowered her Inner Critic, the part of her that has the ability to hold her back. She always relied on her True Self, that strong powerful voice within her that is pure intuition and the birthplace of inspiration to guide her. Whenever choices had to be made, especially difficult ones, Wendy remembered her Dad's advice, "Grow Up. Move Out".

And Wendy grew up and moved out fast! She was a respected high school graduate at age 15 and graduated college with honors at 18. She married a few years later and pursued a career in financial planning. Her husband was diagnosed with cancer when she was pregnant with their second child. Her husband did not survive long after the birth. "Grow Up. Move On." the winds of change echoed. So empowered, Wendy navigated the troubled waters of a young widowed mother building a new life for herself and her children. There were many many challenges to overcome. How would the children be cared for? How can she continue to build a career? How do you pick up the piece of a life shattered by such a tragedy? "Grow Up. Move On." Take full responsibility for what you want to experience moving forward.

People sometimes fall-back into old childish patterns of behavior when triggered with a devastating experience. There is a tendency to crawl back to a place where you feel safe, feel protected, and can hide. This desire to grab for any internal comfort that you can find often empowers the Inner Critic, the voice of self-doubt and fear. This is the voice that protected you, helped you cope, in your environment when you were little. You are no longer a child and cannot move on if you are frozen in fear or doubt your abilities or what is possible for you.

Wendy moved on and formed a company with her Father to help others build financial wealth and security. It wasn't long before her father was also diagnosed with cancer. He died within a few months. "Grow up. Move Out". Wendy continued to grow from this experience and moved on the become an advocate to empower widowed women to protect and enrich their financial future. Her words of advice for them is "Grow up. Move Out" Wendy now teaches others who face the similar tragedies and challenges how to put one foot in front of the other, how to "Grow UP. Move Out." Get it going. Get it done.

Wendy tells her story with a broad smile on her face. To many, it is a very tragic tale. To Wendy she has lived a blessed life. She continues to find joy and inspiration in her daily life. Each morning presents another opportunity to continue to grow and move beyond her current comfort zones. "Grow Up. Move Out." is the lifelong gift from her Dad that propels Wendy forward as she turns her dreams into reality.

Another way of saying "Grow Up. Move Out" is simply, Moxie Up!

I invite you to Moxie Up! as Wendy did. Have the confident courage to achieve authentic greatness with unrelenting drive and passion.


Valery is a Moxie Master who will teach you how to have the confident courage to go after what you REALLY want with unrelenting drive and passion. That's Moxie! Claim your truth, own your power & command your stage with her unique fast Moxie Therapy process. Get going. Get it done. Moxie Up! today! Get free tips at http://www.MoxieTherapy.com

How to Stop A Downward Spiral

Have you ever felt a little out of control, perhaps short-tempered, not in a good place, spiraling downward and not sure why? I help lots of people every day rise above this state so that they can master their opportunities instead of continue to crash and burn as a victim of their circumstance.

So you can imagine my surprise when I recognized that I was smack in the middle of my own tumble and fall.

It happens. To everyone. The key is to be aware of where you are so that you can examine what brought you to that place so you can turn yourself back around.

A downward spiral starts with an event or two that sets off a trigger. This charge stirs up old outdated coping behavior that only serves to add energy to the emotional roller coaster. Events in and of themselves do not cause stress. It is what we have these events mean for or about us that ignites the fall from grace.

In my case it was the notification and the cold realization that my Father won't be with us for very much longer. He lives 3,000 miles away and I only see him a couple of times a year. I fly in and fly out as quick as I can for the obligatory visit. We were never very close.

I made my peace with my Dad years ago. He's 94 years old so I've been well prepared for this day for a few years. Even with a good attitude, the life he's living now hardly able to walk with very little eyesight or ability to hear isn't what he wants. So why was I on such a downward spiral, unable to get out of my own way?

I stopped everything that I was doing so that I could quiet my mind. In the silence, that calm inner wisdom, what I playfully call the Inner Wizard, spoke to me. It told me that I was not reacting to the eventual death of my Dad, I was beginning to mourn the loss of not having a warm loving close relationship with my Father - ever. If he was gone, then it is certain, I will never know what that kind of parental relationship feels like. This pain, this profound sadness, had been buried deep within me all these years without me realizing it. And now that pain was bubbling up to the surface. I allowed myself to feel the deep inner pain of that realization.

After some time, I turned my attention to the lessons I learned as a result of the dysfunctional parental upbringing I went through. I understood that my Father, too, never had much of a childhood. He came from a very poor family, raised himself on the streets of East Orange, New Jersey and became a recognized expert in his field. His personal life was riddled with his own downward spirals, major crashes and severe burns. I learned a lot of valuable life lessons as the observer of his life experience. I also knew that he was always well intention, just very misguided by his own inner pain, his jabbering Inner Critic. How could my Father express his love for me when he couldn't even love himself.

As a child I thought he considered me to be a disappointment, a moron. His word for me, "lamebrain", echoed in my mind. Through my own personal journey of self awareness I realized that everyone is doing the best they can with the light they have to see. My Father was just misguided and misdirected. Even as a brilliant neurologist, he was missing several batteries in his flashlight when it came to his own perception of himself and the world.

What I discovered as a result of having gone through the experiences, the pain, the sadness, the anger, resentment, the self-loathing enabled me to turn all of that into forgiveness, peace, joy and unconditional love. I discovered that he really did, and does, love me. I would not be who I am today without my Dad. I may not have reached a point where I felt so lost and shut down to muster up the courage and the strength to do something about it. I became committed to claiming my truth, owning my power and commanding my life direction. I love who I am and what I do in my life today - teaching others how to do the same.

Wow. My Father went through a lot of pain to give me a priceless gift. He gave me the gift of empowerment and self-actualization. We are complete. I now feel nothing but love for him. At peace, and off the downward spiral, I booked a flight to see him so I could tell him, in person, how much I love him and thank him for all that he has given me.

You have the power within you to turn around irrational coping patterns that manifest as emotional tornadoes of angst. Downward spirals are a signal that you have a tremendous opportunity to rise above, reach even greater levels of expanded awareness and possibility. If you are in such a state, love and value yourself enough to get the gift in the profound lessons you can learn to heal and grow.

Valery is an Inner Wizard Mindset Mentor & Coach who teaches people how to be the hero of their opportunity instead of the victim of circumstance so they can fully invest themselves authentically in their personal and professional endeavors. Empower the Wizard Within http://www.InnerWizard.com Free tips!

How To Identify and Transform Victim Mentality

In one of the Harry Potter books Harry comes face to face with a mirror in which he sees his parents staring back at him. He longs to stay with the mirror to continue to see his parents and Professor Dumbledore tells him he must stop. This mirror shows exactly what the viewer wants to see instead of what is.

You view your life through such a mirror.

What you see and what you experience is really what you want or expect to see at your deepest core. What you see is not reality. It is merely an interpretation shaped by your belief system and internal thought patterns – too often created by your Inner Critic, the voice of self-doubt and fear that you hear chatting endlessly in your mind.

Your husband doesn’t appreciate you, your boss is unrealistic in her expectations, the economy is holding you back, and the grass is most definitely greener in someone else’s yard. Bad things happen and you want to say that the people or circumstances around you are to blame for these things.

You can’t be, do or have what you want because of someone or something else – outside of you. You don't take responsibility for your life because you think that these other people and circumstances have power over you.

The challenge with this thinking is that it turns you into a victim. Some experiences are too painful to admit that you had a hand in it so you would rather look the other way and say it is someone else's fault. Well, it is someone else’s fault in a way – it is the fault of your Inner Critic. Oh wait, your Inner Critic is your own creation – so it really is your fault.

Not really. While your experiences are your responsibility the word fault, shame, or blame has no place in you examination of the events of your life. You do not deliberately create bad experiences for yourself. You do not deliberately set yourself up as a victim of your life. Unfortunately where you struggle, you have unconsciously given your power over to your Inner Critic and you are now victim to its misguided opinions and demands.

When you are in this state know that it is your Inner Critic just trying to do his job of keeping you safe. He does this by holding you back. By Finding Excuses And Reasons he will not allow you to move forward out of your safe comfort zone where you will have newer unknown – therefore potentially scary - experiences. By the way - the words Finding Excuses And Reasons create the acronym FEAR .

Your Inner Critic is afraid of anything it does not already know. You may not like your current comfort zone but your Inner Critic knows it to be safe so you’ll stay right where you are, thank you very much!

To hold firmly to your personal power, to deliberately direct and govern your life experience you must reclaim the power you have given to your Inner Critic. Restore it to you’re the voice that comes from your heart, the place of your authenticity, intuition, passion and inspiration. Some people call this their Higher Self, Soul, or Inner Being. I playfully call it the Inner Wizard. Look within and ask from your heart what role you played in creating a specific experience.

Let go of any judgment when you ask this question. Just look for information. When you discover how YOU created the bad stuff you now have the knowledge to put in corrections to have a better experience the next time a similar situation is presented. Without such examination you will continue to repeat the same unwanted patterns of behavior that create the same bad experiences over and over again.

In your examination, you will realize what you can do to turn the situation around so you can have a good experience moving forward. Sometimes, just realizing that you have the power to create even the bad stuff brings relief and new awareness.

If you have the power to create the bad stuff you also have the power to create the good stuff. Examining good experiences will give you the recipe to create a similar good experience over and over again.

If things are not going well for you - stop. Take a breath and tap into your Inner Wizard. She will tell you where you went off track and give you guidance on how to get on the right road again. Ask for help in seeing a bigger picture. This new perspective can be as simple as understanding that you absolutely without question have the power to change your life. You are a victim to no one and no circumstance.

No one can take away your personal power but you can surely give it away. Take it back from wherever you’ve parted from it. Let your heart-centered Inner Wizard guide you to the places you left your personal power behind.

Own and face your responsibility in any situation. Learn the lesson and forgive yourself for the part you played if it is an unwanted experience, and let it go. Remember how you felt when you gave up your power and became a victim. Notice how you feel now that you have reclaimed your personal power and are creating the experiences you choose to have.

If you ever want to know whether you are operating from a Victim mentality just check to see how you feel. If you feel bad, you have allowed yourself to be a Victim of your Inner Critic. If you feel good, you are standing solidly in your personal power deliberately creating a life that makes your heart sing.

You and you alone are responsible for the quality of your life. You have the inner resources to be the deliberate creator of your life experience. By disarming your Inner Critic and empowering your Inner Wizard, you will transform your victim mentality to a powerful creator. You will then be empowered to succeed in the passionate and authentic pursuit of your deepest desires.

Valery is an Inner Wizard Mindset Mentor & Coach who teaches people how to be the master of their opportunity instead of the victim of circumstance so they can successfully achieve what their heart is calling them to become. Become the hero of your opportunities instead of the victim of your circumstance. Empower the Wizard Within http://www.InnerWizard.com Free tips!

How To Empower Yourself for the New Year

This is the time of year when people get off the proverbial treadmill of their workday world and allow themselves some time to reflect on the past year - what they accomplished, what they didn't, what was good, and what wasn't so great. Too often people feel like they've fallen short of their expectations of themselves and spend the time beating themselves up over mistakes, missed opportunities or what 'could have been'. Perhaps this is why many people fall into a bit of a depressed state at this time of year. Their Inner Critic is celebrating the holidays with a good dose of self-judgment, blame, criticism and added drama.

If this sounds familiar to your experience it is time to put the Inner Critic to bed for the year. Give him a sippy cup and a bankie. It's time to let your Inner Wizard come out and play. Your Inner Wizard, the voice of your truth, intuition and inspiration, knows that mistakes are opportunities to learn and grow. Missed opportunities provide more gifts in the lessons they provide. Empowered Inner Wizards focus on what "can be" instead of what "could have been".

It's time to Empower your Inner Wizard. Let him join the party. As you slow down the pace, rest and relax over the holidays, have some fun with your Inner Wizard. Expand your vision for 2010. Reach deep within you to ask your Inner Wizard the following question:

For 2010:

If I got really radical today, stopped fearing the consequences, let go of any doubts about my ability to succeed and enthusiastically set out to be what I was born to be, what would I be doing?

Once you have your answer you have your intention for 2009. Write it down! Tell others about your intention to hold you accountable. Empower your Inner Wizard to guide you, give all of your energy, attention and focus to that intention, take action as guided by intuition. Mindfully speak and act with purpose and in the direction of what your heart is calling you to become and you will absolutely turn that dream into a very real experience.

I asked myself that question. I was not surprised at the answer. It was something that has been nagging at me for a long time. The funny thing is, the answer was rooted in what I have been resisting the most - public speaking. I know, with certainty, that what I resist out of - yes, I admit it - FEAR - is the very thing my heart longs for. So I have set my intention and have already taken forward action to ramp up my speaking engagements to larger audiences in the coming year. I've written it down. I've told you.

As creative beings our fundamental life-affirming need is to continue to move forward and grow. Like sharks, if we stop moving we will whither and die. If you notice that you are holding yourself back from acting upon your intention take a breath, acknowledge where you are and take one baby step forward. Then another. Soon you'll be off and running again.

May 2010 bring you love, laughter and empowerment.

Valery is an Inner Wizard Mindset Mentor & Coach who teaches people how to be the hero of their opportunity instead of the victim of circumstance so they can fully invest themselves in their creative endeavors. Become the hero of your opportunities instead of the victim of your circumstance. Empower the Wizard Within http://www.InnerWizard.com Free tips!

Happy Holidays And My Favorite Things

I wish you LOVE, LAUGHTER, HEALTH and HAPPINESS now and for all eternity. This is a wonderful time of year to express your love for those who touch your heart and, most importantly, for your self. To the extent that you struggle in life is the extent to which you hold back love of self and others. Know that you are loved. I love you.

This is the time of year when we slow down a bit and reflect upon what worked and where we can learn a lesson or two in the experiences we've had over the past year. I've spent the last couple of days doing just that. What I realized was that I was doing a great job of teaching yet not a great job of sharing who I am with you. The Internet is a wonderful platform to get to know people from all over the world who share interests and with whom we can enrich each other's lives. I'd love to learn more about you so please introduce yourself in the comment box below.

I'll start. Here are a few things about me you may not know.

1. I have a wonderful husband, Al Satterwhite, who is a photographer and cinematographer. You can check him out on Facebook or at his website: http://www.AlSatterwhite.com.

2. We have 2 cats rescued from the Hurricane Katrina debris when they were kittens. They're delightfully odd. Willow 'prays'. I have a video of her doing that on my Facebook page, ID: Valery Satterwhite. Scroll down the page - its at the bottom left hand side of the page. Dakota loves Twizzlers! I had one on my desk one day and she ate half of it. I'm a good Mom, I don't let her eat any more candy.

3. I have a sister, brother-in-law and niece who live about 5 minutes down the road from where I live. We spend time together most weekends. There's always good wine and lots of laughter involved.

4. I have another sister, Father and Step-Mother in Florida as well as another niece and nephew. I'd love to see them more often.

5. A few of my favorite things:

- White chocolate
- Going to The Laugh Factory in Hermosa Beach, CA. They often showcase 10 comics for ten bucks! Going to see Eddie Izzard in January
- Traveling and meeting people from other parts of the world. They know the best places to go and things to do. Many have become lifetime friends.
- A story well told. Yes, I'm a sucker for a good chick flick.
- White chocolate
- Fashion. Favorite designers are Demeulemeester, Dries Van Noten, Holly Harp (Vintage), Temperley, Dinnigan and my Pucci collection.
- Mid-century modern and Art Deco architecture
- Music: Van Morrison is my ultimate favorite artist, although there are lots of other artists I like. Christina Aguilera has an amazing voice.
- Red wine. Can't drink the white stuff. I use white wine when I cook.
- Dance. I love to watch a dancer 'in the zone'. ok, here's a secret: I danced on the Jackie Gleason show when I was really really really young.
- I don't know how old I am. I was too young to know what day it was when I was born.
- Formula One. This is a new interest. It's the only sport Al cares about. I've decided to get into the sport to know what's going on. Go Hamilton!
- White chocolate
- Sunsets and sunrises. We're up before dawn. It's my favorite time to write.
- Being silly, especially with friends.
- An engaging conversation where I learn something new.
- TV: Grey's Anatomy, Private Practice, Brothers and Sisters, Craig Ferguson, Charlie Rose, Inside the Actors Studio, The Daily Show. Studio 60 was great, really well written, but it got cancelled.
- Sushi
- The fish market at the Hermosa Beach pier.
- The friends I am blessed to have in my life
- Books. I'm an avid reader. Have recommended "Eat, Pray, Love" by Elizabeth Gilbert. Check out her video at www.Ted.org
- Ted.org - great site, very informative and inspiring.
- Did I mention white chocolate?

There are a lot of things I love to do and enjoy. But that's enough about me for now. I'll share more in future blog posts. I'd love to learn more about you so please tell me about you, your dreams, desires, what inspires you, what challenges you and what makes your heart sing.

Happy Holidays!

Much love,
valery

Valery is a Mindset Mentor & Coach who teaches people how to be the hero of their opportunity instead of the victim of circumstance so they can fully invest themselves in their creative endeavors. Her Inner Wizard process provides tools to tap into the greatest Coach in the world, your Higher Self, authentic voice & power. Empower the Wizard Within http://www.InnerWizard.com Free tips!

Time For A Chuckle: 21 Ways To Annoy Everyone

21 Ways To Annoy Everyone

1) Pretend to be one of the (Bart) Simpson family. Doesn't matter which.

2) Have an uncontrollable lusting for someone new every five minutes.

3) Pretend to be from different ethnic backgrounds every hour, and when people ask you about it, answer like a hillbilly would.

4) Act like a hillbilly. Period.

5) Improvise Italian operas.

6) Gossip about someone to their face.

7) Answer every question with a question.

8) Repeat yourself constantly.

9) Act like a member of the opposite sex.

10) Repeat yourself constantly.

11) Act like Mr. Flanders from The Simpsons.

12) Repeat yourself constantly.

13) Change what you repeat every now and then.

14) Use homonyms in your e-male that the spell cheque would knot sea as miss steaks.

15) Change what you repeat every now and then.

16) Talk to someone while looking at somebody else.

17) Employ in your casual banter extensive vocabulary that will befuddle thy contemporaries.

18) Change what you repeat every now and then.

19) One word: Caffeine.

20) Another word or two: Caffeine and Sugar.

21) stringwhateveryousayintoonelongwordsoitshardtomakeoutwhatyou'resaying.

If you love silly nonsense like I do, you just had a good chuckle, a guffaw or jello running out of your nose. A daily dose of laughter and joy enriches all aspects of life. It is a great stress reducer and encourages a number of physical benefits including the production of endorphins and disease fighting immune cells. Finding 'the funny' in daily life and the human condition heals and uplifts emotionally and spiritually too. When you laugh, you relax, feel energized and are able to see the lighter side of life.

A good giggle gets your blood flowing and raises your inner vibration. We live in a vibrational Universe. What you experience in life is a mirrored reflection of your vibrational level. It's the vibes, man! Healthy good vibrations create good experiences. Defeating bad vibrations create unwanted or 'less than' experiences. It's a simple as that. When you laugh you elevate your natural vibration, your self. In this way, laughter is like a magic wand that turns negative emotions, stuck energy and static thoughts into powerfully intuitive A-HA moments that propel you forward in your creative endeavors.

When you notice that you are anxious or stressed in any way reach for a moment that will tickle your funny bone. Watch a madcap movie, read a joke book, share some fun with family and friends. You will discover that you feel lighter and have a new and better perspective on any challenges you face.

"You don't stop laughing because you grow old. You grow old because you stop laughing." - Michael Pitchard


Valery is a Mindset Mentor & Coach who teaches people how to be the hero of their opportunity instead of the victim of circumstance so they can fully invest themselves in their creative endeavors. Her Inner Wizard process provides tools to tap into the greatest Coach in the world, your Higher Self, authentic voice & power. Empower the Wizard Within http://www.InnerWizard.com Free tips!

4 Steps to Manage Toxic People

Do you have people in your life who sprinkle misery wherever they go? When you spend time with them, do these people suck the life energy right out of you? Do you they make you wrong, make you feel angry, deflated, belittled, inadequate or unworthy? If so, you have become their victim. As a victim you can only create more experiences of victimization. As chocolate is poison to a dog, these noxious people have the power to reinforce limitations and low self-esteem within you that will hold you back from the successful pursuit of your creative endeavors - if you let them.

There is a distinction between someone who's just having a 'bad hair day' and a virulent person. The former is experiencing a moment of stress or anxiety the latter demonstrates chronic toxic behavior. People who are just trying to cope, albeit misguidedly, on a particularly stressful day don't feel good about lashing out at someone else. Those whom complain all the time or unload their blame or anger upon you and then feel better about themselves as a result are the ones to keep an eye out for and manage. If you don't they will dump their negativity and pessimism upon you, drain you dry of motivation and inspiration to move forward in your life. The human spirit is like a shark. It has to constantly move forward or it dies.

"Any fool can criticize, condemn and complain and most fools do." - Benjamin Franklin

There is a simple test to recognize whether or not you have a toxic person in your life:

Examine the experiences you have had with this person. It doesn't matter much what you were doing together, just reflect upon whether or not your are energized or depleted at the end of the event. Reflect upon more than one instance to discern whether there is an emotional pattern or a single incident. Were you tired or inspired? If you discover that you are left exhausted or weakened by your exposure to this person then you are in the presence of a toxic person. If you feel nourished by the experiences you've had with that person this is someone with whom you want to spend more time.

If you identify a toxic person in your life here are 4 Steps to manage and transform your relationship with that person.

1. Observe that this person is doing the best he or she can given the light they have to see. A toxic person is in the dark or at least missing a few batteries in their flashlight, their self-perspective and world view. You cannot change or control anyone.

2. Distance yourself from this person. Limit your exposure to and the time you spend in their presence. If it is a co-worker or family member and avoidance is unlikely, let whatever poisonous babble they expel go in one ear and out the other. Do not react or take on their anguish. Hold onto your personal power by refusing to engage, stoop down to their emotional level.

3. When they are complaining, finding fault with you, their circumstance, or the world in general ask them what they DO like about the matter at hand. Get them focused on a more positive note; what they like instead of do not like; what they want instead of do not want.

4. Feed your soul. Do something that replenishes and energizes you after your encounter with a toxic person. Center yourself by taking a few cleansing breaths to ground you as you shake off their destructive residue.

You and you alone are responsible for the quality of your life. You have the inner resources to rise above any and all adverse communication. As master of your life experience, you have the tools to deliberately create the outcomes you want to have with the people with whom you are in contact in your personal and professional life.

"You cannot cause a shadow to disappear by trying to fight it, stamp on it, by railing against it, or any other form of emotional or physical resistance. In order to cause a shadow to disappear, you must shine light on it." - Shakti Gawain


Valery is an Inner Wizard Mindset Mentor & Coach who teaches people how to be the hero of their opportunity instead of the victim of circumstance so they can fully invest themselves in their creative endeavors. Become the hero of your opportunities instead of the victim of your circumstance. Empower the Wizard Within http://www.InnerWizard.com Free tips!

How To Rise Above Challenging Circumstances

Take a moment to ask yourself:

What would be the best thing you could do for yourself, right now, given the incredibly uncertain and stressful times you are facing?
What would best prepare you for whatever your life, the economy or other circumstances, might throw at you?

If you watch, read or listen to the media today it’s bad news piled upon more bad news. As a result, most people are stressed and worried.

Most people. Not all people.

Look around you. Expand that vision outward to look from a larger perspective beyond just people you know. There are certainly people who are struggling. Take a closer look. Can you find examples of people who are doing well or are at least successfully overcoming challenges? Are some people recreating themselves so that they can continue on their path to achieving their deepest desires? Some of these people are even helping others do the same.

Why do some people succumb to stressful events while others continue to grow and expand?

Events in and of themselves do not cause stress and worry. It’s how you react and respond to the circumstances in your life that create your life experience, good or bad. If you feel like you’re in a downward spiral of misfortune then you are spending way too much time listening to and acting upon the misguided beliefs of your Inner Critic, the voice of your self-doubt and fear.

"We don't see things as they are. We see things as we are." Anais Nin

The truth is, YOU don't have to feel stressed and overwhelmed by whatever is going on around you, no matter how bad it gets. You absolutely have the power within you to rise above. You are not a victim of your circumstance unless you allow yourself to be.

It’s an amazing thing. You already have the resources within you to achieve your goals even in the most challenging conditions. You just have to learn how to tap into your inner power and wisdom, what I playfully call the Wizard Within, who is the voice of your truth, intuition and inspiration.

It is possible to feel empowered to make resourceful choices, take mindful and deliberate action even in these challenging times that will move you closer to achieving your goals. It is possible to come up with clear-minded solutions that will move you forward instead of backwards in your personal and professional endeavors.

Here is the best thing you can do each and every day to be successful even in the most trying of times:

Focus upon what you CAN do instead of what you cannot do.

1. Ask yourself, "What are 5 things I can do today that will move me closer to achieving my goals?"

2. Do those things!

3. Examine your daily experience.
What did you accomplish? Give yourself a pat on the back for a job well done!
What didn't you accomplish? What got in your way? Did you Find Excuses And Reasons (F.E.A.R.) to hold yourself back? Know that you have the power within you to rise above. Reach for a newer and better perspective. Add any uncompleted tasks to your intention list to get done the next day.

4. Speak and act only in the direction of your highest achievement.

Before you know it, new opportunities will be revealed. You are now the creator of your experience, no longer a victim of your circumstance.

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure." - Marianne Williamson

Valery is an Inner Wizard Mindset Mentor & Coach who teaches people how to be the hero of their opportunity instead of the victim of circumstance so they can fully invest themselves in their creative endeavors. Become the hero of your opportunities instead of the victim of your circumstance. Empower the Wizard Within http://www.InnerWizard.com Free tips!

Overwhelmed? 5 Steps to Become Your Own Taskmaster

In today's fast paced hustle and bustle world you may become overwhelmed by everything that needs to get accomplished in a day, especially during a busy holiday season. A feeling of overwhelm will set in where you just can't decide what to do or how to do it to achieve your personal and professional goals. You're stuck in the paralysis of analysis and don't know what steps to take to get unstuck. Or you'd just really like to get more focused on what will get you the greatest return on your time investment. If these scenarios sound familiar you are not alone.

When you get bogged down, stuck, in indecision cause by switching back and forth between so many possibilities your energy gets blocked. Blocked energy is a clear sign that you've jumped out of the natural progressive flow of life experience. You have not taken the time to sort out your choices and the values they represent.

To get back into the productive and fulfilling flow of the highest expression of your full potential it is necessary to tap into your inner guidance system that is your birthright. You can call this personal GPS your Higher Self, Inner Being, God-Force or whatever feels right to you. I playfully call it the Wizard Within.

When you connect with your inner power you get in touch with a deeper understanding of yourself, how your life works, and how to mastermind, body, spirit and emotions in everyday life. Whom you want to become, what you want to do and have as your ultimate life experience becomes clear. Scattered mind energy and thoughts become aligned and uncluttered. Flow is restored.

When you are back into your natural flow you are able to hear and sense the Wizard Within. This is the voice of your truth, your intuition. Listen and trust this personal reservoir of wisdom to know, specifically, what tasks to do that day to accomplish or get closer to achieving paramount outcomes that will make your heart sing. You really don't need to become your own taskmaster for you already have one within you.

Here are 5 steps to tap into your own inner wisdom and taskmaster:

1. De-clutter

Clean up all areas of your life. Clean up your desk. If you do not have a desk or a dedicated workspace create one. Having a place to work and get organized is essential. Pay your debts or make promises to pay those you owe. Clean out your house, closets and car. Clear up any miscommunications you have with people in your professional and personal life. Clutter, whether it be in your mind or space, creates stuck energy, creates overwhelm. By cleaning up your clutter you are clearing the runway for the future you long for.

2. Ask What Your Higher Self Wants

Get clear on what you really want to accomplish. Let go of the "should dos" that you either tell yourself or allow others to misguidedly place upon you. Look deep within to reveal what you really want to achieve. Make sure it is a true desire or you will stay stuck in a pattern of having to make the same stressful choices every day or even give up trying.

Ask what will give you fulfillment, satisfaction, joy and inspiration in your personal life and career? Write these desires as a mission statement. Own it with every fiber of your being. Remind yourself of your mission each and every day.

3. Set Daily Intentions

As you reaffirm your mission statement ask yourself what 5 things you can do today (or the next day if you set intentions the night before) that will get you closer to your goals, achieving your mission? Anything that does not move you closer to the actualization of your desired outcomes is not a priority. Daily responsibilities will fall into this category as reneging on responsibility will only serve to clutter your mind and space once again.

4. Take Action

Act on your intentions. Start with a baby step. Then take another step. Soon you'll be off and running. Some people prefer to get the most challenging task out of the way early in the morning so its 'over and done with'. This sense of accomplishment energizes them to easily complete the remaining intentional tasks of the day.

5. Examine Your Experience
At the end of each day review your set intentions. What did you accomplish? Congratulate yourself for successfully being your own taskmaster and getting closer to, if not achieving, your goal. What didn't get done? Without judgement, examine your day to discover what got in your way of completing your objective. Did you Find Excuses And Reasons (F.E.A.R.) to get in your own way, to fall back into old habits? Reach for a new and better perspective that will put you back into flow. Set your intentions for the next day.

As you own taskmaster you will live a life that is empowered and on-purpose. In the energetic life-affirming flow you will naturally propel yourself to your desired destiny. Your vision is written, the plan is set, and nothing is in your way of the fullest expression of your potential in any area of your life.

Valery is an Inner Wizard Mindset Mentor & Coach who teaches people how to be the hero of their opportunity instead of the victim of circumstance so they can fully invest themselves in their creative endeavors. Clients also learn how to root out self-sabotaging behavior that can land them in the National Enquirer! Empower the Wizard Within http://www.InnerWizard.com Free tips!

Creative? Create Your Life Instead of Living As Its Creation

Have you ever thought life would be different for you today if you had a different childhood? Have you ever held thoughts such as:

"My Mother never really cared about who I was."
"My Father told me that I'd never amount to anything."
"People won't like me if I don't agree with the crowd."
"If only I didn't come from such a dysfunctional family."

These are only some of the comments I have heard from people who are stuck or struggling in any creative endeavor. The underlying theme is "I'm not (good, smart, talented, rich, worthy, respected, whatever) enough. Heck, I used to make similar laments about my lot in life. Experiences of my past governed how I thought about myself and what was possible for my future. Then one day the truth hit me and rocked my world:

Life does not shape me. I shape my life. I am the creator not the creation of my experience.

How you look at, how things make you feel, depends on you not the things. Whatever anyone said to you, good or bad, or whatever you witnessed in your childhood were mere events. What you had those statements and actions mean about you, however, was entirely your own doing; your creation. You formed a valid interpretation through your young lens, your limited context, of your circumstance. This interpretation became a fundamental belief that you relied upon as you authored your life as you know it.

If the belief works for you, that's great! For example, if you have an integral belief "If I deliberately and intentionally pursue what I love to do success will find me" chances are you are experiencing a fulfilling life immersed in your passionate pursuits. It is when the belief holds you back, stops you from expressing your full potential that you have to re-examine the interpretation that formulated your belief.

Let's say you examine your innermost feelings and thoughts and realize that deep down inside you believe, "I am not good enough. I will never amount to anything." This belief doesn't feel good. Beliefs shape your emotions. All emotions are valid Good emotions work for you. Bad emotions do not work for you. If you discover a belief that doesn't feel good take some time to examine the belief.

In your examination recall the earlier events that lead to the conclusion "I am not talented enough." That conclusion was only one way to interpret the event. There are others. How else could those incidents be viewed? One possible interpretation is that the person saying or doing the thing was just having a bad hair day. Perhaps he was repeating his own misguided belief. There are any number of other possible interpretations that your adult mind can come up with that are just as valid.

Challenge the belief. Look for events in your life then and now when you were absolutely good enough to take on a challenge and master it. Let's start with the simple fact that you learned how to walk and talk. You fell on your butt more than a few times and misspoke but that didn't stop you from pursuing your goal. With each stumble and misused word you learned something. That little nugget of wisdom eventually created the experience of naturally and easily walking and talking. You can even do both at the same time! Find more such examples. There are plenty to notice if you just look.

This is how you deliberately create a new perspective, a new lens through which to view yourself and your possibilities. You now realize people, events and things did not shape your life. You did based on the meanings, the interpretations, the beliefs, you took on for yourself as you experiences what you heard and saw. One thing is for sure. You are a masterful creator. You created all of your life experiences to this moment and you will create your experiences in the future. Express your full creative potential by becoming the hero, the Wizard, of your opportunity instead of the victim of your circumstance.

"The unexamined life is not worth living." - Socrates

Valery is an Inner Wizard Mindset Mentor & Coach who teaches people how to be the hero of their opportunity instead of the victim of circumstance so they can fully invest themselves in their creative endeavors. Clients also learn how to root out self-sabotaging behavior that can land them in the National Enquirer! Empower the Wizard Within http://www.InnerWizard.com Free tips!

What Thoughts Wake You Up At Night?

I asked through Facebook and Twitter "What thoughts wake you up at night?" The response was varied; from nonsensical to downright scary.

"Gee, the idea of munching on some (fill in the blank with just about anything vegetarian) sounds great."
"Where is my handbag?"
"Did we lock the security gate?"
"Why are the dogs so quiet?"

And several matched the thought that woke me up the other night:

"I gotta pee."

It's one thing to be awoken by your kids making noise in the next room and quite another when it's you who is sabotaging your own restful night.Thoughts that wake you up in the middle of the night engulfed in worry or fear is a common indicator of stress. The pressures and uncertainties in your daily life visit you through dreams and symbolic thoughts. Sometimes these dreams and thoughts jar you back into consciousness yet the feelings that evoked the rude jolt to healthy sleeping patterns remain.

These feelings are indicators for you to examine to reveal a greater understanding of yourself and what you experience. A dream in which you are worried, scared, or stressed in any way is a reflection of the dis-ease you are experiencing in your waking life.

According to the Dictionary of Dreams, the following symbols may shed some light on what the above thoughts may indicate as deep rooted feelings and fears that are getting in the way of emotional and physical well being:

eating food - This may be an indicator that the dreamer is concerned about a weight problem or eating disorder. It may be a health warning to draw attention to one's eating habits or weight problem. (although the veggie munching response to my query above could have been sent in fun and humor)

search - Search and not find: Instills the need to find something that is lacking within. Can be spiritual or need for self-examination. Search and find: Signal of accomplishment and self-capability.

gate - Closed: An opportunity for you to decide upon. Open: The beginning of an opportunity to leave your current situation.

intruder - Someone or something has interfered with your peace of mind by forcing a situation upon you.

burglar - An intruder, unwelcome person or event, loss of something. Being forcibly deprived by someone's actions.

With regard to the need to pee - when ya gotta go, ya gotta go!

Most dreams contain messages that serve to teach you something about yourself. Recurring dreams and wake-up thoughts are triggered by a life circumstance that keeps repeating itself. They are a message from your Higher Self to pay attention to, examine, and form a new perspective around the hidden meaning behind the dream symbol. Without judgment of any kind, look within yourself and face whatever you find in your exploration of what is the underlying stress.

Chances are you have placed yourself as a victim in your worry. Any area where you give up your personal power, your ability and responsibility to intentionally create your experiences, you will suffer with stress or anxiety. Know that you are a victim to no one and no circumstance unless you allow yourself to be. Whether a horrible thing happened to you or could happen to you is not what is creating stress. What brings on worry, doubt and fear is what you have the event mean for or about you in your life moving forward. You have absolute power over how you choose to experience any event in your life, unless you relinquish it. When you let go of your power you deny your self.

To reclaim your personal power focus upon all that you have done and achieved in your life. I'll bet that anything you set your mind to and were passionate about you have either achieved or are in the process of making it a real experience. Instead of giving up on yourself you were able to overcome obstacles, reach for new perspectives and new ideas when the going got tough. Do the same thing now with whatever wakes you up at night, Reach for a newer and better perspective. Take back your power and responsibility so that you can dream sweet dreams and enjoy restful nights.

Valery is an Inner Wizard Mindset Mentor & Coach who teaches people how to be the hero of their opportunity instead of the victim of circumstance so they can fully invest themselves in their creative endeavors. Clients also learn how to root out self-sabotaging behavior that can land them in the National Enquirer! Empower the Wizard Within http://www.InnerWizard.com Free tips!

The Art of Flow and How to Tap Into It

I've often affirmed, "Let go and flow." Flow generates inspiration and births the A-HA moments of your clarity and vision.

All struggle is out-of-flow experience. Where you struggle is where you have turned your back on and said NO to you. Denying who you are and what you are here to be, do and have is an act of self-loathing. Life is exhausting for the person who holds back their truth, lives the 'shoulds' and 'must dos' of others, and limits their vision of what's possible. Where personal power is used to minister to internal fear and self-doubt, stress and anxiety is the end result. Such negative emotions are clear indicators of out-of-flow existence.

What is flow and how do I know when I'm 'in it'?

You've been in the flow before. Think of a time when you were completely and joyfully absorbed in what you were doing, exhilarated, moving beyond any fear and firing on all cylinders. You had no sense of time or space. One action succeeds another without thought. Endless energy gushed through your body. "In the zone" of creative life-affirming flow you were authentically expressing your full potential.

Truth is, you came into this world in the flow. A bundle of unconditional love and goodness at birth you used your personal power to feed your desires without fear. Your desires included your innate need for food, care and the actualization of your veritable presence on this earth. As you got older you began to use and direct your power to feed your fears. You began to doubt your worthiness, your abilities and what you wanted to become. You may have even lost your voice, you ability to express your truth.

"Eventually you will come to understand that love heals everything, and love is all there is." - Gary Zukav

To tap into your authentic flow it is essential to align your inner power with your personal truth wrapped in unconditional love of self and others. Sounds like a difficult if not arduous undertaking doesn't it? It's a lot easier than you may think.

When you let go and flow you do not sit like an overstuffed turkey on the sofa eating bon-bons all day waiting for opportunity and fortune to waltz into your living room. Quite the contrary. If you want to end persistent struggle you must let go of the thoughts, beliefs and choices that hold you back from full authentic expression and achievement. Flow requires action. You must get into motion when a bright idea reveals itself.

"Truth is such a rare thing it is delighted to tell it." - Emily Dickenson

Notice that when you go against your truth you suffer through anxiety and stress. Notice that where you withhold your love for your self or others you will feel alone, disconnected from life. Notice when you give up your personal power you become a helpless victim, blaming other people and external circumstances for your misfortune. All of these experiences are out-of-flow, a movement away from that which you are here to express, your purpose in life.

Pay attention to how you feel. If you feel good, you're in flow! The choices you make, the actions you take are heart-centered and in agreement with who you are at your deepest core. If you feel bad, you're directing you are using your energy to go against flow. The choices you make, the actions you take are misguided attempts to keep you from growing, keep you stuck right where you are in a comfort zone that you may not even like very much. If you notice that you are stress, anxious, angry at yourself or others, stop whatever you are doing. Take a moment to breathe and center yourself. I call times of agitation "do no harm periods". Make no decision, take no action, when you are in a negative state. If you do, you will not like the outcome you create. Reach for a newer and better perspective. Redirect your energy and focus to what you want instead of what you do not want. Make sure you concentrate your attention on what you really want, what will make your heart sing. Imagine how life will be when you have achieved that vision.

Feels good, doesn't it? Hold this feeling of a life well lived with you as you intuitively use your personal power to actualize that image. Know that this is what you are here to be, do and have. If the feeling starts to slip back into the familiar drone of struggle then you have begun to slip back into an old pattern. You have a choice. You can stay right where you are never getting anywhere or you can artfully turn yourself around and get back into flow. Use the exercise above to tap back into your personal power, authentic truth, and unconditional love.

"When the power of love overcomes the love of power the world will know peace". - Jimi Hendrix

Valery is an Inner Wizard Mindset Mentor & Coach who teaches people how to be the hero of their opportunity instead of the victim of circumstance so they can fully invest themselves in their creative endeavors. Clients also learn how to root out self-sabotaging behavior that can land them in the National Enquirer! Empower the Wizard Within http://www.InnerWizard.com Free tips!

How Penelope Cruz Leverages Her Fear to Create Mastery

“When I start a movie, the first day, I feel like a duck.” - Penelope Cruz, Academy Award Winning Actor

Penelope Cruz makes no secret that she's terrified when she embarks on a new project, a new role. Inner thoughts of not being talented enough and anxiety over the sureness that she will be fired for one reason or another engulfs her mind as she prepares for those first few days on the set. While there is the occasional thespian who musters the temerity confidently to embody a character at the onset, Cruz is certainly not alone among actors who begin insecure and fearful they may not be able to deliver the performance the Director is looking for.

Fear and panic are not great external forces; they are powerful internal ones, generated deep in the part of the brain that is home to what I playfully call the Inner Critic. The Inner Critic is that egoic part of you that means well, wants to keep you safe, yet is woefully misguided. Preferring to keep you secure in your current comfort zone it will block you from stretching into the unknown. Every time you choose safety you reinforce what you terrifies you.

Unfortunately many talented people in every creative endeavor freeze and succumb to their fears. They Find Excuses And Reasons (F.E.A.R.) not to take on challenges, quit or hold back on the fullest expression of their creation. Have you ever faced an opportunity you wanted, perhaps even longed for, but were afraid? What went through your head at the time? Did allow your fear to hold you back or did you harness and leverage your fear to propel you forward beyond fear and into performance mastery?

Actors like Cruz acknowledge their inner fear and trepidation as they turn and focus that energy into their creation. As a committed actor, acting is more important to Cruz than giving in to her fear. Like an alchemist, she turns that fear into courage to push herself to even higher levels of excellence with each performance.

"I haven’t lost the normal fear and insecurity that comes with acting, and I don’t want to lose it. Every time a project starts, it feels like the first time. You have all these experiences that have been accumulating, yes, but it’s still new, still fresh, and I love all of those feelings, all of them. Especially the fear. Because I need that fear. I use it as fuel." - Penelope Cruz

If you surrender to your fear, let it overpower you, you destroy the creative passion that burns within you. If you try to suppress your fear, tension will build and become blocked impulses, responses, emotions and thoughts. This is the death knell for an actor.

If you acknowledge your fear and release that depth of emotion into your performance, into your art, into whatever it is you what to bring forth into this world you will experience a life-affirming richness of fulfillment. You fear will disappear as you embracing the foreboding nightmare and mindfully step through it with every fiber of your being. There is nothing more thrilling and exhilarating than the fullest expression of your creative potential.

"Ultimately we know deeply that the other side of every fear is a freedom." - Marilyn Ferguson, American author, editor and public speaker


Valery is an Artist Mindset Mentor & Coach who teaches people how to be the hero of their opportunity instead of the victim of circumstance so they can fully invest themselves in their creative endeavors. Clients also learn how to root out self-sabotaging behavior that can land them in the National Enquirer! Empower the Wizard Within http://www.InnerWizard.com Free tips!

Who Are You? Misguided Blockhead or Masterful Wizard?

Who are you? Some say that a person is a product of his or her choices. Much like the causality dilemma of "Which came first, the chicken or the egg?" that evokes questions about life and how the Universe in general began, who you are can be rooted in a circular cause and consequence pattern of experience.

Or is it?

The answer is, it depends. It depends upon how you choose. Are you creating your choices or are your choices creating you?

The decisions you make, the actions you take and the results you experience are originated in how you think. The outcomes of your choices shape your thoughts which influence future decisions. If you don't like what's going on in your life you have the power to change how you think to create newer and better outcomes.

Let's say you got fired. You walked into work one morning and was given an unexpected pink slip and was shown the door. At that moment you have a choice, you can blame your "idiot" boss, cuss out your co-workers or clients and make yourself feel better by telling yourself you don't need that stinkin' job anyway. Or you can recognize the moment as a learning opportunity, take a step back and examine why exactly you got fired.

If you choose to blindly attribute your misfortune to the acts of others you are left with no information to prevent the same unwanted experience from again happening. After some time you find another job only to be shown the door again a few months later. And the repeated pattern of experience continues. You become a resentful, bitter, perhaps depressed, person who can't hold down a job and thinks your fate is in the hands of misguided blockheads.

Is this you? No. This is a person who lives life on autopilot, powerless to achieve an inner calling. It not who you came into this world to become. Nevertheless, the revolving door of bad experience after the other has, however, become your life experience as a consequence of the choice you made to blame others for the loss of your job. Your choices are creating who you have become. You have become the misguided blockhead.

What if you made a different choice? What if you examined why you initially got fired? You would discover what, specifically, lead to your termination. You would discover what errors in judgment you might have made, what signals you missed or didn't act on, or what relationships you failed to cultivate. Armed with this new information, lessons learned, and better way of thinking you will make very different choices in your next job.

Is this you? Yes. It is the you in the process of discovering and expressing your full potential. This is who you came into this world to be, tapped into your personal power as the deliberate creator of your life experience. The question remains, which you are you expressing today? If you're not sure, check in with how you feel. If your tired and frustrated your choices are creating you. If you energized and fulfilled, you are creating your choices. Like an masterful Wizard, you are the alchemist turning your passionate dream into a real experience.

"The unexamined life is not worth living." - Socrates

By the way, the answer to which came first the chicken or the egg is, the egg. It has something to do with zygote cells, DNA, and an illicit tryst with a rooster.

Valery is an Inner Wizard Mindset Mentor & Coach who teaches people how to be the hero of their opportunity instead of the victim of circumstance so they can fully invest themselves in their creative endeavors. Clients also learn how to root out self-sabotaging behavior that can land them in the National Enquirer! Empower the Wizard Within http://www.InnerWizard.com Free tips!

Resentment and Expectations: Big Fat Life Hold Ups

I work with a lot of people who are often in conflict with people they work, or aspire to work with, or in their personal relationships. Time and again I see people become frustrated, angry, and hostile, all a result of having fixed and expectations of one another. Some hold onto and wear their resentment like a badge of honor. It's an exhausting way to live. Helping people recognize and reframe these control-based expectations is essential to real movement toward agreement, better experiences and overall emotional intelligence growth.

The source of anger and resentment is unmet expectations. Simply put, you are not here to live up to other people's expectations. Nor is anyone here to live up to yours. Think about the times you have been angry, aggravated, frustrated or downright pissed off. What was at the root of your upset? Chances are something you expected did not happen the way you wanted or assumed it would. Expectations can be good when used to energize and motivate in a positive direction. However, when entangled with unrealistic suppositions often developed in early childhood, they are likely to cause disappointment. Common reaction to disappointment is anger, resentment and depression.

Often when people come up against what is their idea of right and wrong, they tend to revert to old coping pattens of thinking. These 'rules of life' might have helped you make it through childhood safely and securely but they no longer are useful if they get in your way as an adult. In an effort not to lose what is really a false sense of control and security, people unrealistically expect all people to behave a certain way and presume all situations should turn out as they think they should. If any of this sounds a bit familiar, know that in these circumstances you unwittingly set yourself up for an unhappy experience. You will likely feel the blunt force of disappointment, anger, resentment, and rage.

What you don't realize is that this powerful negative emotion was stirred up by no one other than you so that you could 'be right' in the situation. You seek your validation through making others wrong. Being right makes you feel better about yourself because it gives you an excuse to direct your anger, your blame, at someone else instead of taking responsibility for your own agitation.

Know this: Any time any one or any thing controls how you value yourself or how feel, you are a victim to that person or thing.

No other person or situation can make you angry. Events alone do not cause anger. If someone does or says something that is not in line with your expectations you have the power to choose to react or respond. You can blindly react as if on autopilot as you run you old victim oriented "how dare she do this to me" routine that holds you back from moving forward or you can stop and deliberately decide how to respond.

Resentment is a thief that you invite in to steal your personal power. The more you resent the more you will feel victimized and powerless. Your emotions are indicators of whether or not you are about to act in a way that supports you or adds insult to injury. If you feel good, or at least calm, you are fully present in a position to respond productively from a centered place. If you feel bad, you've slipped into old thinking patterns of the past and are reacting automatically and irresponsibly from a disturbed place. Resentment over stymied expectations is not your friend in any circumstance. Pain can happen, anger and resentment is a choice.

If you discover that you've been hit in the fact with a thwarted expectation take a breath. Instead of cursing, believing that you've been foiled yet again, ask yourself the following questions:

Was your expectation realistic?
Just because you would do or say something in a specific situation does that mean that everyone has to act in the same way?
Do you even have all the facts?
Are you making up any of the details of the circumstance?
Are you making assumptions about the other person's motivations, agenda, thoughts or beliefs?
How do you know what you assume to be true is absolutely true?
Is there any other way the situation could be perceived?

And one more question:

Even if this other person disrespected or devalued you in some way, was it what you expected them to do? If so, look within to reveal where you disrespect or devalue yourself through your thoughts and beliefs about you. You cannot get that which you do not already have. If you want to be valued, respected, or loved you have to respect, value and love yourself first.

Once you've examined your expectations, change your thoughts, and decide upon the best course of action.

If someone has maligned you in some way, it is not within your control to alter another person's behavior. The only thing you really can change is your inner image of that person in such a manner that you are feeling less disappointed, hurt, bitter, cheated, or wronged by them. Truth is, everyone is doing the best they can with the light they have to see. Some people are missing a few batteries in their flashlight. Others have no idea how to turn on a flashlight. They are in the dark, unconscious to, their own unrealistic expectations and misguided thoughts that their actions are based upon. You can choose to dim your light to match their or shine your light to brighten their way.

As you begin to appreciate others in spite of their faults, you begin to appreciate yourself in spite of your own faults. You are doing the best you can and have opportunities to learn new, more productive, ways of thinking. As you do so, you will enjoy renewed energy, a more positive attitude and much better experiences when you let go of beating yourself up over unmet, often unrealistic, expectations of yourself.

"Resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die." - Carrie Fisher - Author, Actress

Valery is an Artist Mindset Mentor & Coach who teaches people how to be the hero of their opportunity instead of the victim of circumstance so they can fully invest themselves in their creative endeavors. Clients also learn how to root out self-sabotaging behavior that can land them in the National Enquirer! Empower the Wizard Within http://www.InnerWizard.com Free tips!

Oops I Did It Again:The Zombie Tune of Repeated Unwanted Experiences

Starting to think life is a merry-go-round? Have you lost or quit a job every couple of years with the excuse that your boss is a jerk or you're bored out of your mind? Have you noticed a revolving door-like structure to your personal relationships? Do you move your residence from place to place never satisfied with where you are? Is life slipping by through a set pattern of behavior that just isn't working out for you, just keeping you stuck on a treadmill of repeated experiences that you'd rather not have - again?

If so, you may have forgotten to take off your Halloween Zombie mask several years, or decades, ago. A zombie is a creature that is dead but robotically walks the walks the earth like a living person. A Zombie is a person on auto-pilot, unconscious to the masterful life-affirming creative power within. Going through life as a zombie isn't all that bad; except that things never really work out the way you want them to. The Zombie life will leave you feeling stuck or frustrated that you aren't living the life you had imagined. As a Zombie, you may be bitter about how life has treated you yet not understanding that only you can change your circumstances.

You are not alone. Plenty of Zombies walk among us. Some of your friends and co-workers are Zombies. You can bump into Zombies at the grocery store. Some are seen at seemingly normal and innocent places such as the spa, gym, empowering conference, workshop and the Barney's Warehouse Sale. Zombies everywhere! Whether you're a Zombie or not, you walk among them.

If you want to get out of a Zombie haze you have to take responsibility for all of your life experiences, good and bad. In taking responsibility, you are not beating yourself up with blame, shame, and guilt for creating the outcomes you'd rather forget. Instead, you examine each of these instances to discover what, specifically, led to the undesired incident.

All events begin with a thought that leads to a feeling that evokes a choice that calls for an action that creates the consequence.To remove the Zombie mask to wake up to your life, see clearly, and trace the occasions of your life back to the thoughts that generated the subsequent events. Think of it as much like peeling an onion. As you strip away the layers you'll realize how you unknowingly set yourself up for the results you experienced.

That's powerful information. In order to change the outcomes you do not want you have to change the way you think, reach for new perspectives. To continue to create more of the milestones you enjoyed continue to hold the thoughts and perspectives that created those wonderful happenings.

To the extent that you feel tired, unfulfilled, anxious, stressed or frustrated is where you show up in your life wearing a Zombie mask. Deliberately and objectively dissect the events that created unwanted circumstances to reveal the originating thoughts. Vigorously question the truth of those thoughts. Look for evidence to the contrary. Frame a new perspective. With this new outlook, identify what a better choice would have been and apply that new thinking to your life as you move forward. No longer living life as a Zombie you become the hero of your opportunities instead of the victim of your circumstance.

Valery is an Inner Wizard Mindset Mentor & Coach who teaches people how to be the hero of their opportunity instead of the victim of circumstance so they can fully invest themselves in their creative endeavors. Clients also learn how to root out self-sabotaging behavior that can land them in the National Enquirer! Empower the Wizard Within http://www.InnerWizard.com Free tips!

Stuck? You May Have Eyes Wide Shut Syndrome

I was enjoying a lovely dinner last night at a little French restaurant at The Farmer's Market in Los Angeles last night when I overheard a neighboring conversation. Ok, I was deliberately eavesdropping. I admit it. Those who know me already know that listening to how other people think is a favorite pastime of mine. In a not so covert attempt to hear better, I scooched my chair a little closer and ran smack into the void of quiet desperation.

A writer and a director were discussing, or rather dissing, that which is known as The Biz in this town. The focus of their entire conversation was how impossible it was to get anything produced, let alone distributed, in this town. Piling on one limitation to success after another, the diatribe was peppered with all that is bad, all that is restrictive to the successful expression of their creative endeavor.

Ok, so the tenor of their desperation was not so quiet. This is not a new or unusual conversation in Hollywood. A lot of creative people are desperately looking for a break. Thousands flock to Los Angeles every year hoping to make it, see their name on the credit roll, achieve recognition and respect among peers.

As I continued to listen to their discourse I realized that the illness that preys upon creative professionals who often face rejection and brush-off is "eyes wide shut" syndrome. I get that only a very select few ever make it, achieve their deepest dream, here in tinsel town. It is not a hidden secret that the journey to success here is a road filled with rejection and heart ache. The eyes of opportunity are shut due to the challenges, pitfalls and possible hazards of this pursuit.

"A lot of directors don't want the pressure of a movie the size of Pearl Harbor. But I love it. I thrive on it." - Michael Bay, Director

While many will tell you it's an arduous, even tortuous, pursuit most people do not realize that they have chosen the path of least resistance instead of the thoroughfare to accomplishment. Their eyes are shut to the choices they make that hold them back from the next rung, and the rung after that on the ladder of success. Everything a person shuts his or her eyes to, resists, dislikes, complains about or runs away from is a blind alley. Every aspiration chased, every authentic expression withheld or self-denied darkens the pathway to actualization of what the heart is longing for.

"I`ve been told that I`m incompetent, socially retarded, maladjusted. I still know that I couldn`t function in reality. Los Angeles is a good place for me." - Diablo Cody, Writer, "Juno"

What seems painful, limiting or defeating can become a source of strength and inspiration if viewed from a different perspective. You can focus upon and give energy to all that is not working for you or you can choose to see what is viable for yourself and others. Do you turn your attention to all the failures and rejection in your life and in the lives of others who are after similar goals? Or do you actively seek shining examples of what is and can be done to deliver the ultimate experience you are working so hard to achieve. Simply put, you can become a victim of your circumstance or the hero of your opportunity.

Open your eyes. Form and embrace a new perspective, one that is founded in possibilities instead of impediments. Speak in the direction of your dreams; in your head and in the conversations you have with others. Take action on the intuitive inspired idea that may come to you in the middle of the night. Keep those eyes open and ready for what you have the talent and ability to create when you awake in the morning.

"I don't believe in pessimism. If something doesn't come up the way you want, forge ahead. If you think it's going to rain, it will. " - Clint Eastwood

Valery is a Superstar Mindset Mentor & Coach who teaches people how to be the hero of their opportunity instead of the victim of circumstance so they can fully invest themselves in their creative endeavors. Clients also learn how to root out self-sabotaging behavior that can land them in the National Enquirer! Empower the Wizard Within http://www.InnerWizard.com Free tips!

Fakin' It? Not Really Makin' It?

As I was driving along the Malibu coast Paul Simon's "Fakin' It" blared through the radio. I had the volume cranked because I had the top down and was singing loudly and badly along with the song. It's such fun to let go and sing, especially if the sound of your voice could turn wine into vinegar, but I digress.

When I screeched the verse:

"I've just been fakin' it,
I'm not really makin' it.
This feeling of fakin' it-
I still haven't shaken it."

It occurred to me that "this feeling of fakin' it" was a running theme among my clients in the entertainment industry. Many of the people who come to me believe, at their deepest core, that it's only a matter of time before the people who can make or break careers will discover that the artist or executive hired is not really talented, smart, good, pretty, young, passionate, thin, whatever enough. Even someone who has climbed up several rungs on their ladder of success can still feel like he or she is still just fakin' it, not really makin' it.

Often people are told by well-meaning yet misguided advisers to 'fake it until you make it'. The trouble is, you can't fake it. Your Higher Being (what I playfully call the Wizard Within) will know you are faking. Faking it is the realm of that other part of you, the voice of your self-doubt, your Inner Critic. This part of you that wants to keep you small to be safe will serve up messages of fear and admonition to hold you back.

There is a clear distinction between merely faking something and believing in your potential. If you show up in your craft, and in your life, faking it you give your power, your personal strength and courage, over to your Inner Critic who will lie and tell you that you really aren't good enough to want what you want, be who you want to be, do what you want to do. Know this, if your heart passionately calls you to pursue a dream it does so because this is who you are and what you are meant to do. By this very definition, you are talented, good, smart, whatever enough to reach your goal, achieve your dream. Unless you get in your own way by listening to that misguided Inner Critic.

Instead, return your power over to your Higher Being and hold the presence of a person fully in touch with their potential and allow yourself to boldly pursue your creative endeavors. Imagine yourself as having already reached your goal, and beyond, and hold all the feelings associated with what that experience will deliver. Stay present with those feelings as you express yourself in every aspect of your life each and every day. Before you know it, what you imagine has turned into reality. You have to see it in order to believe it. You have to believe it in order to be it. It's that simple.

Even if you fall flat on your face a time or two you will move closer to realizing your dream in the lesson that can be learned by that experience.

It must have been an oldies sweep because the next song played was "Brass In Pocket" by The Pretenders, Chrissie Hynde and James Honeyman-Scott. Oh, yeah!

"Got brass in pocket
Got bottle I'm gonna use it
Intention I feel inventive
Gonna make you, make you, make you notice

'cause I gonna make you see
There's nobody else here
No one like me
I'm special so special
I gotta have some of your attention give it to me"

Valery is a Superstar Mindset Mentor & Coach who teaches people to tap into their inner power & wisdom, get out of their own way & fully invest themselves in their creative endeavors. Clients also learn how to root out self-sabotaging behavior that can land them in the National Enquirer! Empower the Wizard Within http://www.InnerWizard.com Get Free tips!