Your Relationships Reflect Your Relationship with You

"Each relationship you have with another person reflects the relationship you have with yourself." - Alice Deville.

You have a lot of personal and professional relationships in your life. Some relationships are loving, satisfying, uplifting, supportive and enrich your life experience. You love spending time with these people. They motivate and inspire you. Other relationships are tense, adversarial, problematic, strained, and exhausting. You don't like, or avoid, spending time with the people who drain the life energy right out of you. The funny thing is that all of your relationships, good and bad, are a reflection of the relationship you have with yourself.

How can that be?

It's very simple, really. You love the good relationships that you have because these people reflect what you like about yourself. They're kind, giving, nice, loyal, fun to be with, and all of the other attributes that you enjoy when you're involved in a good relationship. You dislike the people you have difficulty with because they reflect the parts of you that you don't like. In these people you see something in them, however tiny or large, that you don't like about yourself. If they're needy, they remind you of the times when you have been needy. If they're rude, they're a reminder of the pain you caused others by your own rudeness. If they're annoying they bring out the annoyer in you. If they are liars, they remind you of the time you lied, how that felt and the damage that lie may have caused you or others.

Pay particular attention to the people who bother you, get under your skin, for no apparent reason. These people reflect something within you that you have been unwilling to see.

I'll give you an example.

Several years ago I had a business associate, Naomi, who irritated the heck out of me. Naomi was a nice enough person, never hurt me, but every time I saw her my skin crawled. If she said, "Hi. How are you?" I wanted to run in the other direction. Any time she called with a business related question or invitation I couldn't get off the phone fast enough. Naomi frequently invited me to networking events and I always found some excuse to decline. For some unexplained reason I just didn't want to be around this woman.

Yes, I Found Excuses And Reasons (F.E.A.R.) not to like her. To me, Naomi was a pushy, needy, wishy-washy person who just wanted to cling onto me to advance her career. What I didn't realize at the time was that I had been a pushy, needy, wishy-washy person who clung onto other people to advance my early career. I'd grown up a lot since then and was no longer that person, yet I definitely once was that girl. And now Naomi was reflecting that behavior back to me. And it bothered me to even think of her. I did not want to be reminded that I, too, was once at that very same place in my personal journey of self-awareness and development.

You love what is reflected back to you that you love within you. You dislike what is reflected back to you that you dislike within you. You are neutral to what is presented to you that is not a reflection of you.

Examine your relationships with the people in your life. Identify the attributes you love and like in the people you have a good relationship with. You hold these attributes too. Acknowledge and own them. Love that part of you. Identify the attributes you don't like in the people you have a bad, or troubled, relationship with. You hold these attributes too. Acknowledge and own them. Have compassion and forgiveness for that part of yourself and of the other person for each of you are only doing the best you can given the light you have to see. Granted, some people have fewer batteries in their flashlight than others! Yet they are still doing the best they can. No one deliberately decides to exhibit unwanted behavior. Learn the lesson to add a few more volts to that flashlight of yours. Every relationship, good and bad, brings gifts in the lessons and the light they offer to you. Cherish the gift. It will empower you as you continue to move forward in the direction of living your rich delicious life.

"Life is a succession of lessons, which must be lived to be understood." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Valery is a Moxie Master who will teach you how to have the confident courage to go after what you REALLY want with unrelenting drive and passion. That's Moxie! Claim your truth, own your power & command your stage with her unique fast Moxie Therapy process. Get going. Get it done. Moxie Up! today! Get free tips at http://www.MoxieTherapy.com

Grow Up. Move Out. Move On. Moxie Up

I often ask successful people what was the best piece of advice they ever got from a parent. What words of wisdom carried them forward as they achieved their personal and professional goals? Responses such as "Don't take anything for granted", "You have to work hard and struggle for success" and "It takes money to make money" are among the most common. I posed this same question to Wendy, a woman I met at a luncheon not long ago. Her quick response was "Grow up. Move out." That was her Dad's mantra to her ever since she was a very young child.

Wendy had a good, loving relationship with her father. He is no longer with us yet his sage word of advice echo in Wendy's conscious every day. The wisdom has changed a bit over the years. "Move Out" now means: Out of my comfort zone! Wendy is now a very successful financial planner and the Mother to two beautiful children. "Grow Up. Move out" encouraged Wendy to take full responsibility for her life.

She allowed her inner child to grow up without fear and self-doubt while maintaining a playfully creative approach to life's challenges and opportunities. Wendy never empowered her Inner Critic, the part of her that has the ability to hold her back. She always relied on her True Self, that strong powerful voice within her that is pure intuition and the birthplace of inspiration to guide her. Whenever choices had to be made, especially difficult ones, Wendy remembered her Dad's advice, "Grow Up. Move Out".

And Wendy grew up and moved out fast! She was a respected high school graduate at age 15 and graduated college with honors at 18. She married a few years later and pursued a career in financial planning. Her husband was diagnosed with cancer when she was pregnant with their second child. Her husband did not survive long after the birth. "Grow Up. Move On." the winds of change echoed. So empowered, Wendy navigated the troubled waters of a young widowed mother building a new life for herself and her children. There were many many challenges to overcome. How would the children be cared for? How can she continue to build a career? How do you pick up the piece of a life shattered by such a tragedy? "Grow Up. Move On." Take full responsibility for what you want to experience moving forward.

People sometimes fall-back into old childish patterns of behavior when triggered with a devastating experience. There is a tendency to crawl back to a place where you feel safe, feel protected, and can hide. This desire to grab for any internal comfort that you can find often empowers the Inner Critic, the voice of self-doubt and fear. This is the voice that protected you, helped you cope, in your environment when you were little. You are no longer a child and cannot move on if you are frozen in fear or doubt your abilities or what is possible for you.

Wendy moved on and formed a company with her Father to help others build financial wealth and security. It wasn't long before her father was also diagnosed with cancer. He died within a few months. "Grow up. Move Out". Wendy continued to grow from this experience and moved on the become an advocate to empower widowed women to protect and enrich their financial future. Her words of advice for them is "Grow up. Move Out" Wendy now teaches others who face the similar tragedies and challenges how to put one foot in front of the other, how to "Grow UP. Move Out." Get it going. Get it done.

Wendy tells her story with a broad smile on her face. To many, it is a very tragic tale. To Wendy she has lived a blessed life. She continues to find joy and inspiration in her daily life. Each morning presents another opportunity to continue to grow and move beyond her current comfort zones. "Grow Up. Move Out." is the lifelong gift from her Dad that propels Wendy forward as she turns her dreams into reality.

Another way of saying "Grow Up. Move Out" is simply, Moxie Up!

I invite you to Moxie Up! as Wendy did. Have the confident courage to achieve authentic greatness with unrelenting drive and passion.


Valery is a Moxie Master who will teach you how to have the confident courage to go after what you REALLY want with unrelenting drive and passion. That's Moxie! Claim your truth, own your power & command your stage with her unique fast Moxie Therapy process. Get going. Get it done. Moxie Up! today! Get free tips at http://www.MoxieTherapy.com

Prepare To Be Mystified!

"When you feel in your gut what you are and then dynamically pursue it - don't back down and don't give up - then you're going to mystify a lot of folks." - Bob Dylan

Some of you may have noticed that I have not been blogging in the last two weeks. Empowered by my Inner Wizard, I am busy joyfully creating a new and even more powerful website jammed packed with new goodies for you! For those of you who are new to this blog, the Inner Wizard is your unique expression of the human spirit. Some people call it a Higher Self, Inner Being, Soul, Heart-centered God force, or any number of other names that describe the voice of authenticity, intuition and the source of inspiration within each and every one of us. I playfully call it the Inner Wizard.

The outer expression of the Inner Wizard is:

Worthy
Inspirational
Zealous
Authentic
Responsible
Deliberate

My gut, my intuition, my Inner Wizard has been calling me to allow it to come out and play, to boldly and fully express herself. Stay tuned. I will keep you posted.

“Laugh at yourself, but don't ever aim your doubt at yourself. Be bold. When you embark for strange places, don't leave any of yourself safely on shore. Have the nerve to go into unexplored territory.” - Alan Alda

Excerpt: For the moment I'm busy playing in the 'kitchen' with my Inner Wizard cooking up a new and delicious website jammed packed with goodies for you. Stay tuned!

Valery is an Inner Wizard Mindset Mentor & Coach who teaches people how to be the master of their opportunity instead of the victim of circumstance so they can successfully achieve what their heart is calling them to become. Empower the Wizard Within http://www.InnerWizard.com Free tips!

Stuck? You May Have Eyes Wide Shut Syndrome

I was enjoying a lovely dinner last night at a little French restaurant at The Farmer's Market in Los Angeles last night when I overheard a neighboring conversation. Ok, I was deliberately eavesdropping. I admit it. Those who know me already know that listening to how other people think is a favorite pastime of mine. In a not so covert attempt to hear better, I scooched my chair a little closer and ran smack into the void of quiet desperation.

A writer and a director were discussing, or rather dissing, that which is known as The Biz in this town. The focus of their entire conversation was how impossible it was to get anything produced, let alone distributed, in this town. Piling on one limitation to success after another, the diatribe was peppered with all that is bad, all that is restrictive to the successful expression of their creative endeavor.

Ok, so the tenor of their desperation was not so quiet. This is not a new or unusual conversation in Hollywood. A lot of creative people are desperately looking for a break. Thousands flock to Los Angeles every year hoping to make it, see their name on the credit roll, achieve recognition and respect among peers.

As I continued to listen to their discourse I realized that the illness that preys upon creative professionals who often face rejection and brush-off is "eyes wide shut" syndrome. I get that only a very select few ever make it, achieve their deepest dream, here in tinsel town. It is not a hidden secret that the journey to success here is a road filled with rejection and heart ache. The eyes of opportunity are shut due to the challenges, pitfalls and possible hazards of this pursuit.

"A lot of directors don't want the pressure of a movie the size of Pearl Harbor. But I love it. I thrive on it." - Michael Bay, Director

While many will tell you it's an arduous, even tortuous, pursuit most people do not realize that they have chosen the path of least resistance instead of the thoroughfare to accomplishment. Their eyes are shut to the choices they make that hold them back from the next rung, and the rung after that on the ladder of success. Everything a person shuts his or her eyes to, resists, dislikes, complains about or runs away from is a blind alley. Every aspiration chased, every authentic expression withheld or self-denied darkens the pathway to actualization of what the heart is longing for.

"I`ve been told that I`m incompetent, socially retarded, maladjusted. I still know that I couldn`t function in reality. Los Angeles is a good place for me." - Diablo Cody, Writer, "Juno"

What seems painful, limiting or defeating can become a source of strength and inspiration if viewed from a different perspective. You can focus upon and give energy to all that is not working for you or you can choose to see what is viable for yourself and others. Do you turn your attention to all the failures and rejection in your life and in the lives of others who are after similar goals? Or do you actively seek shining examples of what is and can be done to deliver the ultimate experience you are working so hard to achieve. Simply put, you can become a victim of your circumstance or the hero of your opportunity.

Open your eyes. Form and embrace a new perspective, one that is founded in possibilities instead of impediments. Speak in the direction of your dreams; in your head and in the conversations you have with others. Take action on the intuitive inspired idea that may come to you in the middle of the night. Keep those eyes open and ready for what you have the talent and ability to create when you awake in the morning.

"I don't believe in pessimism. If something doesn't come up the way you want, forge ahead. If you think it's going to rain, it will. " - Clint Eastwood

Valery is a Superstar Mindset Mentor & Coach who teaches people how to be the hero of their opportunity instead of the victim of circumstance so they can fully invest themselves in their creative endeavors. Clients also learn how to root out self-sabotaging behavior that can land them in the National Enquirer! Empower the Wizard Within http://www.InnerWizard.com Free tips!

Fakin' It? Not Really Makin' It?

As I was driving along the Malibu coast Paul Simon's "Fakin' It" blared through the radio. I had the volume cranked because I had the top down and was singing loudly and badly along with the song. It's such fun to let go and sing, especially if the sound of your voice could turn wine into vinegar, but I digress.

When I screeched the verse:

"I've just been fakin' it,
I'm not really makin' it.
This feeling of fakin' it-
I still haven't shaken it."

It occurred to me that "this feeling of fakin' it" was a running theme among my clients in the entertainment industry. Many of the people who come to me believe, at their deepest core, that it's only a matter of time before the people who can make or break careers will discover that the artist or executive hired is not really talented, smart, good, pretty, young, passionate, thin, whatever enough. Even someone who has climbed up several rungs on their ladder of success can still feel like he or she is still just fakin' it, not really makin' it.

Often people are told by well-meaning yet misguided advisers to 'fake it until you make it'. The trouble is, you can't fake it. Your Higher Being (what I playfully call the Wizard Within) will know you are faking. Faking it is the realm of that other part of you, the voice of your self-doubt, your Inner Critic. This part of you that wants to keep you small to be safe will serve up messages of fear and admonition to hold you back.

There is a clear distinction between merely faking something and believing in your potential. If you show up in your craft, and in your life, faking it you give your power, your personal strength and courage, over to your Inner Critic who will lie and tell you that you really aren't good enough to want what you want, be who you want to be, do what you want to do. Know this, if your heart passionately calls you to pursue a dream it does so because this is who you are and what you are meant to do. By this very definition, you are talented, good, smart, whatever enough to reach your goal, achieve your dream. Unless you get in your own way by listening to that misguided Inner Critic.

Instead, return your power over to your Higher Being and hold the presence of a person fully in touch with their potential and allow yourself to boldly pursue your creative endeavors. Imagine yourself as having already reached your goal, and beyond, and hold all the feelings associated with what that experience will deliver. Stay present with those feelings as you express yourself in every aspect of your life each and every day. Before you know it, what you imagine has turned into reality. You have to see it in order to believe it. You have to believe it in order to be it. It's that simple.

Even if you fall flat on your face a time or two you will move closer to realizing your dream in the lesson that can be learned by that experience.

It must have been an oldies sweep because the next song played was "Brass In Pocket" by The Pretenders, Chrissie Hynde and James Honeyman-Scott. Oh, yeah!

"Got brass in pocket
Got bottle I'm gonna use it
Intention I feel inventive
Gonna make you, make you, make you notice

'cause I gonna make you see
There's nobody else here
No one like me
I'm special so special
I gotta have some of your attention give it to me"

Valery is a Superstar Mindset Mentor & Coach who teaches people to tap into their inner power & wisdom, get out of their own way & fully invest themselves in their creative endeavors. Clients also learn how to root out self-sabotaging behavior that can land them in the National Enquirer! Empower the Wizard Within http://www.InnerWizard.com Get Free tips!

The Best Halloween Costume Ever!

I love Halloween. It is perhaps the most empowering holiday of the year. For fun, think of the person you admired most when you were a child. It could be Spiderman (or any other movie character - animated or not). It could be a favorite character in a book, a celebrity, a favorite Aunt or Teacher. Think back to when you were able to complete this sentence: "When I grow up I want to be _______."

Create a costume for whatever answer popped into your mind. Wear the costume on Halloween and really get into the part. Act as if you were that person. Have fun in that role.

"The thing about performance, even if it's only an illusion, is that it is a celebration of the fact that we do contain within ourselves infinite possibilities." - Daniel Day Lewis

When the evening comes to an end take off the costume. As you put the costume away think of the attributes of the person you embodied over the course of the evening. For example, if Madonna rocked your world when you were little, consider the attributes of confident, authentic, self-assured, talented, adored by many, unique, strong, comfortable in her own skin, controversial - or whatever it was about her that impressed you as a child. Whatever attributes you identify as meaningful, hold onto them as you show up expressing those attributes the next day and every day after that.

The truth is, whomever you aspired to be when you were little is a reflection of who you are. You love a reflection of you! If there are parts of you that you do not like know this is your conditioned self, your nurture not your nature. This is the egoic coping mechanism and what I playfully call the Inner Critic, that you invented to stay safe and loved in your formative years.

"People often become actresses because of something they dislike about themselves: They pretend they are someone else." - Bette Davis

Acknowledge, embrace and honor the attributes that make your heart sing and are your birthright. Show up in your life as the person you aspired to be. Soon the role won't feel like a costume as you become comfortable in your own skin!

I'd love to know who you wanted to be when you grew up! Use the comment box to tell me how you are showing up in your life today as the person you dreamed of becoming.

"Therapy? I don't need that. The roles that I choose are my therapy." - Angelina Jolie

Valery is a Superstar Mindset Mentor & Coach who teaches people to tap into their inner power & wisdom, get out of their own way & fully invest themselves in their creative endeavors. Clients also learn how to root out self-sabotaging behavior that can land them in the National Enquirer! Empower the Wizard Within http://www.InnerWizard.com Get Free "Empower the Wizard Within tips"!

Actress Emily Blunt - A Power of Intention Wizard

Actress Emily Blunt walked into her audition and firmly announced "I'm here to play Queen Victoria and I'm not leaving until you give me the job". She then focused and commanded every scrap of energy and talent within her to deliver her best performance possible and did not leave that audition until she was awarded the role.

That, my friends, is the power of intention and a shining example of the secret to superstar success. Know what you want and put every part of your being - your thoughts, feelings, choices and actions into alignment with that desire. Speak and act in the direction of your dreams. Let no one and no thing stand between you and that which will make your heart sing.

The common denominator between those who do not make it or those who have achieved some success but can't reach the next rung on the ladder of achievement and those who rise above the competition to reach superstar success is a self-focused commitment to a burning desire. A self-focused energy is not about stomping over everyone else to get what you want. It is about acknowledging and honoring who you are and what you want and allowing yourself to have that.

"I love more than anything looking at a movie scene by scene and seeing the intention behind it." - Jodie Foster

Allow the child within your heart, what I playfully call the Wizard Within, to rise above. In your heart of hearts, you know what you long to do. However, the child within your head, what is called the Inner Critic, will hold you back by Finding Excuses And Reasons why you can't have what you want, why you can't do what you want to do and be who you want to be. The acronym for Finding Excuses And Reasons is FEAR. And when you're in fear you turn your back on yourself and retreat, often by taking a path of least resistance.

“Fear is the enemy of logic. There is no more debilitating, crushing, self-defeating, sickening thing in the world--to an individual or to a nation.” - Frank Sinatra

It takes chutzpah to walk into an audition and declare a leading role as yours. What's the worse that could happen? If you don't get the part you're no worse off than you were when you walked into the audition. Any thoughts of failure by not landing the role and what that means for you is stuff you just made up. Doesn't make it true. There will always be another role, another opportunity - unless you get in your own way through fear. What's the best that could happen? You get what you want!

In order to get what you want you have to first know what you want. Then focus all of your thoughts and actions in a way that will support getting it. That self-focus is the first, and essential, intentional step required for superstar success. With each succeeding step you take as you move closer and closer to your goal continue to focus in that direction with the same power of intention. You'll begin to marvel at how your life experience shifts from struggle to seemingly effortless flow as you fully invest yourself in your creative endeavors.

"Only one who devotes himself to a cause with his whole strength and soul can be a true master. For this reason mastery demands all of a person." - Albert Einstein

Valery is a Superstar Mindset Mentor & Coach who teaches people to tap into their inner power & wisdom, get out of their own way & fully invest themselves in their creative endeavors. Clients also learn how to root out self-sabotaging behavior that can land them on tabloid covers! Empower the Wizard Within http://www.InnerWizard.com Get Free "Empower the Wizard Within tips"!

Your Body Talks To You. Do You Listen and Flow or Ignore and Struggle?

Your body talks to you all day long. What you feel in your body is an indicator of whether or not you are moving towards or away from achieving what you desire. Your gut instinct will tell you what steps to take, what choices to make, that will get you what you want. Your stomach will tell you if you're headed in the wrong direction.

Are you listening? Are you paying attention, tapped into what your body is telling you?

If you struggle in any area of your life, it is an area where you are not listening to your body. You are not in tune with the guidance of your inner resources that are your birthright. Think for a moment. Can you recall a time when you followed a hunch, a gut instinct, and acted in a way that resulted in a great outcome? Perhaps you were offered a career move or even a social date and 'something told you' that it would not be a good idea to pursue this opportunity. Or, you may have experienced a calm inner knowing in your gut that inspired you to act on an inspired idea that delivered great results. Those inner bodily feelings and emotions were guiding you in the direction of your dreams, what your heart calls you to become.

"Seek the wisdom that will untie your knot, seek the path that demands your whole being." ~Rumi

Have you ever felt a bit scared, perhaps even sick to your stomach, when faced with a choice to do or not do something? Did you Find Excuses And Reasons (F.E.A.R.) to go ahead and do it anyway? What were the results? Not good, or at least not optimal, I assure you. You may have invested in something that you really didn't want to yet feared that you would be left out or feel 'less than' if you didn't go ahead and make the investment. Perhaps you stayed in a dysfunctional relationship a lot longer than you wanted to because you didn't want to be alone again. Was there a career opportunity that you passed on because you thought that you really weren't smart or talented enough to succeed? If so, know that all of those choices were based in FEAR.

Any choice, any act, based in fear will have a negative outcome. Any choice, any act, based in inspiration will have a positive outcome. Period.

It is important to notice the distinction between a calm, knowing, gut feeling and a fearful sick-in-the-pit-of-your-stomach pang. The former will move you forward, the later will move you farther away from what you wish to create for your life experience.

When you stand at the crossroads of choice and are not sure what road to take look within. Ask yourself what your inner being would want? Listen. Is the response based in intuition - a gut feeling or fear - a sick feeling in the pit of your stomach. Follow your intuition, question your fear. Remind yourself of a time when you faced your fear and experienced a good result. Whenever you face your fears you will discover that what you feared was not real. Give yourself permission to follow your gut instinct instead of your fear voiced by your Inner Critic who misguidedly tries to hold you back to keep you safe in the comfort of an old, tired, comfort zone.

A fulfilled life begins when you go beyond the outer threshold of your comfort zone. - Wizard Within Wizdom

The answer to what the right path is, what the best choice to make is in any moment is intricately tied to your individuality and can only be answered optimally by you. The good news is that you already hold all of the answers, within you. All you have to do is pay attention, acknowledge and honor what your body communicates to you. When you show up in life centered in the truth of who you are you evoke the Wizard Within. Wizards are alchemists after all. They know how to turn dreams into reality!

"I was always looking outside myself for strength and confidence, but it comes from within. It is there all the time." ~ Anna Freud


Valery is a Superstar Mindset Mentor & Coach who helps people get out of their own way so that they can overcome the struggles in the life of an actor, artist, performer & creative entrepreneur. Clients learn how to tap into their inner wisdom, get out of their own Inner Critic way; transform self-sabotaging behavior. Empower the Wizard Within http://www.InnerWizard.com Get Free tips!

Rip Off The Bandaid and Take The Note: Sage Advice From A Hollywood Wizard

I was sitting at my table enjoying the pile of fruit on my plate at an early morning breakfast meeting when all of a sudden I recognized a Wizard before me. I was there to listen to guest speaker, Krista Vernoff, Emmy-nominated, Golden Globe-winning head writer and executive producer of the television show “Grey’s Anatomy” talk about her road to success. I had been to many such gatherings over the last several years and while I've learned a lot from the various successful people I've listened to and met at these events, it is always a wonderful delight when I'm in the presence of someone who is fully centered in the truth of who they are, firing on all cylinders, joyfully creating the art and life they've always known would be theirs.

As I was munching away at juicy strawberry I witnessed Krista's magic. I knew within three minutes of watching and listening to her speak that she was a person who knew how to fully express the Wizard within. She started by apologizing for being a bit late and disjointedly started to ramble about her early childhood beginnings moving from one place to the other as a child of divorced parents. You could see her mind struggling for what to say next.

And then it happened. Clear as the big lucite pendant that hung from my neck, Krista stopped for a brief second, centered herself, tapped into her inner power and spoke directly from her heart to reveal the Wizard within her. The words did not come from her, they came through her - effortlessly. As if she shape-shifted right in front of me her face took on a different light and her voice a different tone.

There is nothing more authentic, more engaging, than the fullest expression of your truth. Inner knowingness comes from the heart not the mind. Animated and comfortable in her own skin, Krista delivered her secrets on how she became an enormous success while others continue to struggle. She learned how to acknowledge, value and honor her natural gifts as a writer. Krista learned the confidence and power that allowing yourself to pursue and do what you love instead of what those who love you say you should do.

"When I was trying to be a successful actress in local theater I was always desperate for validation and positive feedback. I never could get to a feeling that I was good enough. When I gave myself permission to be a writer, do what I love to do, I didn't give a shit what anyone thought about my plays." - Krita Vernoff

Wizards such as Krista hold the wisdom, the knowingness, of what is possible for them and magically know how to turn their deepest dreams into vivid reality. They know that where energy and focus goes, experience flows. They devote all of their energy and stay focused upon that which makes their heart sing. Greatness, for a Wizard, comes not from fighting for position up the ladder of success but from being in complete alignment with who you are and what you really want to create for your life experience. It's showing up in life from a place of personal power swimming in the flow of life instead of fighting uphill battles against the stream of self-doubt and fear.

“Throughout my tortured childhood I was comforted by the quiet knowing, a voice that told me I would be wealthy, sane and successful. I knew that every difficult experience I had purpose and would give me the ability to provide value for myself and others.” – Krista Vernoff

A Wizard's life is magical. Krista got a big break at a time when she wasn't even in the room! She was going to attend an event that was also frequented by big entertainment industry movers, shakers and influencers. It was an opportunity to get in front of people who could make, or break, the career of an aspiring writer. Krista didn't show up. She couldn't. She was home sick in bed. For many this would be a tale of a missed opportunity. Not for a Wizard. While Krista was sniffling in her kleenex, Krista's boss was talking to one of the big honchos about this talented writer on her staff and suggested he take a look at Krista's work. That's how Krista got her agent. In Hollywood, many people pound the pavement day after day exhaustively searching for an agent who will help become a success. Krista got one seemingly effortlessly without having to lift a finger, let alone knock on one agent's door after another in a desperate search.

"Take the note - especially the one that pisses you off." - Krista Vernoff

If Krista discovers that she is in a circumstance that isn't working, is sucking the life energy out of her, she "rips off the bandaid", detaches and moves on to something that feeds her soul. If her work is criticized, if she is told that a story line doesn't work in some way she takes the note. Criticisim, to a Wizard, is a wonderful opportunity to stretch and learn. Krista takes a lot of notes and rewrites what doesn't work in her scripts and in her life. Not willing to waste her energy on what delivers a veil of darkness, she prioritizes the moments in her life by what will shine light upon herself and others. Having met Krista, I can tell you that there is an aura of light upon her that takes the breath away of those who are blessed with her presence and captivated by her work.

After the talk, I bought Krista's recent book "The Game On! Diet: Kick Your Friend's Butt While Shrinking Your Own" and walked up to her to introduce myself. After a our conversation she took my book and wrote: "Dear Valery, Play to Win! - Krista

Exactamundo! Those a Wizard words. To a Wizard, work is play-time if you're doing what you love. Life is a game. If you want to win you have to play! Playfully follow your heart, honor your truth, rip off the bandaid when it's not working and take the note that will help you create excellence in every area of your life. Wizards love games and play with what they love to create magic.

Valery is a Superstar Mindset Mentor & Coach who helps people get out of their own way so that they can overcome the struggles in the life of an actor, artist, performer & creative entrepreneur. Clients learn how to tap into their inner wisdom, get out of their own Inner Critic way; transform self-sabotaging behavior. Empower the Wizard Within http://www.InnerWizard.com Get Free tips!

Drew Barrymore's Secret to Success: Parent Your Self

Everywhere you look; in magazines, newspapers, online and televised articles and bios of people who face challenges are examples of people who have moved beyond their challenges to create extraordinary lives. There are also plenty of examples of those who have literally and figuratively destroyed everything they have achieved. In every inspiring success story lies the common denominator of an examined life and a recapture of personal power, authenticity. In every disappointing story of self-sabotage lies the common denominator of the victim mentality, a giving up personal power and life experience responsibility over to others. And there are stories of people who have turned a life of self-destruction into a fulfilling life of creative endeavors that enriches their own life and the lives of those they touch through their presence and their work.

I woke up one recent morning and read Parade Magazine's article "In Search of the True Drew" by Kevin Sessums. Delightfully, this is a story of a stunning turnaround in what could have easily been a sad story about what could have been. It is commonly known that this "ET" child star led an early life of drug and alcohol addiction, rehab and a series of short failed marriages. Today Drew is an accomplished actress and film producer. With her new film, "Whip It", Drew is adding Director to her credits. Her production company, Flower Films, has produced ten movies including "He's Just Not That Into You", "Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle", "Donnie Darko" and "Never Been Kissed". Nancy Juvonen is Drew's partner at Flower Films.

"I never regret anything. Because every little detail of your life is what made you into who you are in the end." - Drew Barrymore

How did Drew make the transition from a has-been washed out child-star following a path of self ruination to an award winning highly recognized power in Hollywood? Drew discovered that life experiences are not events that happen 'to you', they are the direct result of choices made. This new way of thinking about her past experience and what she wanted to create for her future is the result of a shift from "I am a victim of my circumstance" to "I have the power to create the life I want to experience". Drew moved from being a victim of circumstance, a child born into a dysfunctional yet famous Hollywood Family recreating the same destructive life for herself that her Mother experienced to taking deliberate charge of her personal and professional choices.

"There is a joy that's earned by failure or triumph. All those things add up to teach us, if we are open to it." - Drew Barrymore

Drew realized that there is purpose in every experience she had in those difficult early years. Each experience came with a gift in the lesson that could be learned by it. Drew looked for the lesson, learned and applied it. Today she makes different choices, choices that will take her in the direction of her dreams instead of further away from what she desires most.

"I aspire to be that, to be a voice of reason one day." - Drew Barrymore

Instead of continuing to act as a mirrored reflection of her Mother's misguided influence, Drew acts as the Mother who guides her child, herself, in a positive and supportive method of parenting. Acting as her own Mother, Drew parents herself by mindfully speaking and behaving in a way that empowers her to create a lot more of the good experiences and fewer of the, shall we say, less than optimal experiences. And with each experience that could have resulted in a better outcome, Drew looks for the gift, learns the lesson and applies it the next time around thus creating a newer and better outcome!

With this trust in her own internal guidance system Drew's life is now the shining example of a story well told. With her willful intention to live a life well lived, we look forward to seeing what Drew creates next in her work and her life.

"I used to look in the mirror and feel shame, I look in the mirror now and I absolutely love myself. - Drew Barrymore

Valery is a Superstar Mindset Mentor & Coach who helps creative people get out of their own way so that they can overcome the struggles in the life of an actor, artist, performer & creative entrepreneur. Clients learn how to tap into their inner wisdom & get out of their own Inner Critic way; stop self-sabotaging behavior. Empower the Wizard Within, inspire the Inner Muse. http://www.InnerWizard.com Free "Empower the Wizard Within tips"!

Michael Jackson: An Unfortunate Example of "What You Resist, Persists"

I was not surprised to learn in recent interviews with Rabbi Shmuley Boteach, former close confidante to Michael Jackson, that Michael lost the will to live. He was embarrassed to go out in public. He had mutilated his face so much through unnecessary plastic surgery that he thought he looked like "a lizard". All of his face enhancement procedures were in a desperate desire to look like someone who could be loveable. The more he resisted his misguided feelings of inadequacy the more inadequate he felt about himself.

"What you resist persists." – Carl Jung

As phenomenally talented as he was, all he saw when he looked in the mirror was ugliness. What he wanted most was to be loved. Oh, he was idolized by fans, then criticized and finally, laughed at for being "Wacko Jacko". In the taped conversations between Rabbi Boteach and Michael Jackson, Michael reveled that he wrapped his self validation around his physical appearance. Here again, he completely discounts his natural talents and tremendous gift to the world. For Michael, if he didn't look like his warped definition of what was lovable, love would be fleeting if not impossible to achieve.

There isn't a plastic surgeon, adoring fan or intimate relationship in the world that can make a person feel lovable and loved if they don't hold love for themselves within. Period. Add several exclamation points for extra emphasis. Since Michael didn't think that he was someone who could be loved for who he is, he feared that he would enter into his elder years alone and lonely. This self-loathing and fear was so intense that Michael, perhaps unknowingly, found a way to make sure that dreaded state of existence never became his reality. He didn't live beyond 50 years of age.

That's the sad truth of it all. If you hold a belief about yourself - good or bad - you will make sure that your thoughts, actions and outcomes justify, support and validate that belief. If you think you are unloveable you will make it hard for anyone else, let alone yourself, to love you. If you think you're not smart/talented/rich/lucky/good/worthy/ or "whatever" enough to experience your deepest desires you will work hard to make sure to create evidence to validate that belief. You bought into that belief and, by gosh, you'll do whatever you have to do to justify that purchase.

"We don't see things as they are. We see things as we are." Anais Nin

- Not smart enough - you'll hold yourself back from challenges that require a higher level of intelligence than you think you have.
- Not talented enough - you'll hold yourself back from pushing beyond where you think - Not worthy enough - you'll make sure that you don't acquire (or keep if acquired) possessions, career positions or relationship that you think are beyond your worth.

"Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they're yours." -Richard Bach

When you see or read about someone who seemingly has everything - a fabulous career and all the abundance that can come with it - self-destruct in public humiliation there is a good chance that their self-sabotaging behavior is rooted in a belief system that does not support all they have achieved. Usually the fallen friend, celebrity, or politician will Find Excuses And Reasons (F.E.A.R.) to explain their erratic behavior. The truth is, they often just fear that it's only a matter of time before the public finds out the 'truth' about them. This truth is the misguided belief.

Know this, if you discover that you're complaining (resisting) that someone doesn't love, value, respect, consider, appreciate, or whatever you think they don't give you enough of, what is really going on is that you do not hold this same belief about yourself. You don't love, value, respect, consider, appreciate, etc. yourself. If you held those things within you for yourself you would not be looking to others to feel loved, valued or respected. You would have it whether anyone else gave it to you or not. And as presented earlier, you cannot receive what you don't already have within.

So, stop resisting! Be willing to accept and embrace all parts of your. Where you feel "not enough" look for evidence to shine light on experiences where you were most certainly, enough! For example, if you think you are not smart enough, look at all the things you've learned! If you think you're not pretty enough, let the beauty that is within you shine through. There is nothing more stunning than a person who carries beauty and grace within them.

Be willing to let go of your resistance. Notice how your energy shifts and increases as you show up in your day going with the flow instead of pushing against it. If you don't believe me know that your unwillingness to consider this possibility is a form of resistance. All you have to do is turn your focus upon that which you want instead of what you do not want. Just 'try it on' for a couple of days and see if your experiences shift a bit as you create this new perspective.

"Life is the color you paint it." ~ Sophia Elise

Valery is a Superstar Mindset Mentor & Coach who helps creative people get out of their own way so that they can overcome the struggles in the life of an actor, artist, performer & creative entrepreneur. Clients learn how to tap into their inner wisdom & get out of their own Inner Critic way; stop self-sabotaging behavior. Empower the Wizard Within, inspire the Inner Muse. http://www.InnerWizard.com Free "Empower the Wizard Within tips"!

Struggling-Anxious-Procrastinating? Stop Telling Your Inner Being to Shut Up!

How much time and energy do you spend treading the proverbial waters of the stream of creative expression and meaningful experience? How often do you ride the roller coaster of two progressive steps forward and two steps back in your efforts to expand beyond your current unfulfilling comfort zone? What do 'over the rainbow' masterfully successful people have that you don't have?

The answer is simple.

The people who awe and inspire us with their brilliant performance in any area of their life listen to, acknowledge and honor the intuitive inner guidance that knows their truth and is their birthright. You've heard this voice of wisdom before. It was that calm, knowing, gut instinct that you ignored that resulted in an experience you rather not have had.

"You, my friend, are a victim of disorganized thinking. You are under the unfortunate impression that just because you run away you have no courage; you're confusing courage with wisdom." - The Wizard of Oz, Frank Baum

Those who continuously struggle to get ahead, express their full potential, have Found Excuses And Reasons (F.E.A.R.) to tune out the voice of their Inner Being, Higher Self, or what I playfully call the Wizard Within. Instead they listed to their Inner Critic, the egoic voice of their self-doubt and fear who works very hard to keep them safe right when they are. Even if unsatisfactory, the comfort zone is what is known and therefore safe. Anything beyond, over that rainbow, is unknown and downright scary.

To drown out the voice of the Wizard Within the Inner Critic serves up excuses and reasons to devote focus and energy to unproductive habits. Addictions to alcohol, drugs, Internet gaming or surfing, over eating, excessive shopping and chronic over sleeping are some of the ways people turn their back on what their Inner Being is calling them to become. Struggling anxious procrastinators have become experts at say no to who they are, what they are here to express, at their deepest core.

Fulfillment is experiencing the full expression of your potential. Whether it be struggles with your career, craft, relationships or finances when you allow yourself to show up in life out of alignment with your truth and purpose know that any excuse or your Inner Critic delivers is meant to keep you stuck right where you are -right where you no longer want to be.

Your Inner Being knows that you will always be safe. Your Inner Being knows that already within you is the wisdom to turn your dreams into reality, achieve your purpose in life. Your heart would not long for an experience that does not express the real you and what you are here to express. The only one stopping you from achieving that reality is you!

So you have a choice. You can tap into and empower the Wizard Within or you can remain committed to drowning yourself out, keeping yourself small. One choice leads to a life well lived, a story well told. The other leads to a life of quiet, or not so quiet, desperation. Which will you choose?

"The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation. What is called resignation is confirmed desperation." - Henry David Thoreau

Valery is a Superstar Wizard Mindset Mentor & Coach who helps creative people get out of their own way so that they can overcome the struggles in the life of an actor, artist, performer & creative entrepreneur. Clients learn how to tap into their inner wisdom & get out of their own Inner Critic way; stop self-sabotaging behavior. Empower the Wizard Within, inspire the Inner Muse. http://www.InnerWizard.com Free "Empower the Wizard Within tips"!

Cowardly Lion? Tap Into the Wizard Within To Transform Fear

If you are at all familiar with the story of Dorothy and the Wizard of Oz you know that among Dorothy's fellow travelers along the yellow brick road to find the great and powerful Wizard was the Lion. The Lion wanted the Wizard to give him courage as he was afraid of nearly everything he faced in his life. Here he was the king of beasts yet he cowered and hid from any ever so slightly perceived threat to his survival. The Lion believed that if he had the gift of courage he would be able to step into his role as the almighty king and ruler of the forest, respected by all.

"If I were King of the Forest my regal robes would be satin, not cotton, not chintz. I'd command each thing, be it fish or fowl. I'd click my heels and the trees would kneel and the mountains bow and the bulls cow-tow and the sparrow would take wing. If I were king, each rabbit would show respect to me, the chipmunks genuflect to me. If I were King, just King." - The Lion in Frank Baum's "Wizard of Oz"

The Lion's self-worth and esteem was entirely wrapped up in and identified with a forceful title that would deliver respect.

The Lion believes that force commands subjugation. Force, to the lion, means the ability to threaten and prevail through physical strength and determination. Such commitment comes from having the courage to stand centered in the truth of who you are. The lion is scared to show up in his life powerfully as King of the Forest. And even as king he does not feel or act like much of a king because he lacks inner courage. When he does try to exhibit courage he resorts to threats and physical harm to others. Force is an act spawned out of fear, not power. Real power is a presence, a state of mind, that can only come from an authentic presence.

"Put 'em up, put 'em up! I'll fight ya' both together if you want. I'll fight ya' with one paw tied behind my back. I'll fight ya' standin' on one foot. I'll fight ya' with my eyes closed." - The Lion in Frank Baum's "Wizard of Oz"

Those a brave words that came from the lion who would run away with his tail between his legs if someone actually took him up on his threat. As we continue to observe the Lion throughout the story, we realize that the only thing that scares the lion is himself, an event of his own doing. He lives in fear. He Finds Excuses And Reasons (F.E.A.R.), blames others for his shortcomings, and believes the world, the forest and everything in it, is out to get him; do him harm.

"Ow!" - the Lion
"What happened?" - the Scarecrow
"Somebody pulled my tail!" - the Lion
"You did it yourself!" - the Scarecrow
"Oh....." the Lion
- "The Wizard of Oz"

The lion does not believe he is brave or forceful enough to be a king and, therefore, must get his courage from someone else - the Wizard of Oz. People who live with "I'm not good/smart/brave/talented/rich/pretty/whatever enough" will often become shop-a-holics hoping that the next Prada bag or Ferrari purchase will give them the self-esteem they lack. After the momentary adrenaline rush after the purchase, these people quickly seek yet another status purchase to try, yet again, to feel better about themselves. There isn't a handbag or luxury car in the world that can give anyone the self-worth they lack within. Purchasing luxury items because you enjoy them is one thing. Acquiring things because you seek your identity through them is quite another experience. Shop-a-holics with low self-esteem do not enjoy or even use many of their purchases.

When the Lion finally gets an audience with the marvelous Wizard of Oz he finds out that the Wizard isn't really a wizard after all. What this simple man tells the lion is that he's always had courage within him. All he had to do is acknowledge and honor that which is his birthright. No external thing can give a person what they believe they lack within them. What you yearn for is who you are, what longs to come forth from within you. That's why you feel 'less than' when you are not expressing your full potential; who you came into the world to be, do and have.

You already have, within you, everything you need to be do and have what you want in life. All you have to do is tap into the Wizard Within, the voice of your truth and intuition. This internal resource of wisdom and personal guidance is your birthright. As your Muse, it will always guide you safely and effortlessly as you turn your dreams, your desires, into real experiences.

"You are under the unfortunate delusion that simply because you run away from danger you have no courage. You're confusing courage with wisdom." - The Wizard in "The Wizard of Oz", Frank Baum

Valery is an Artist Mindset Mentor & Coach who helps creative people get out of their own way so that they can overcome the struggles in the life of an actor, artist and performer. Clients learn how to tap into their inner wisdom to get out of their own Inner Critic way & stop self-sabotaging behavior. Empower the Wizard Within , inspire your Inner Muse. http://www.InnerWizard.com Get Free "Empower the Wizard Within tips"!

How Actress Courteney Cox Empowers the Wizard Within

Hardly a day goes by when I don't read or hear of some celebrity or politician publicly humiliating themselves in an unconscious act of self-sabotage. Some get up, brush themselves off, learn a few life lessons and go on to reach even higher levels of achievement. Others take a few steps back towards recovery only to rush head first into the desperate wall of self destruction again and again. It is disheartening to see someone who takes the dream that they've passionately pursued for so long and slam it hard against the wall.

Therefore, I was delighted to read the article by Kate Aurthur in last Sunday's Los Angeles Times newspaper about Courteney Cox "Courteney Cox: 'Cougar Town's' Really Normal Hollywood Star". Courteney enjoys a happy home life with her husband and daughter and actively surrounds herself with friends and activities in and outside of her work that enrich her life experience. That is the Courteney Cox of today. In the article, Courteney describes an earlier life filled with self-doubt and frustration over the fact that someone else hadn't trusted her enough to hire her for a role that would make her a success. I encourage you to find the article online and read the full text.

"I don't know how I thought all of these things were going to happen without really going for stuff. I don't know whether I didn't think I deserved it or whether I was just shy. I'm not sure." - Courteney Cox

Courteney realized that sitting, hoping and waiting for someone else to create her success for her only served to place her life experience in the hands of someone else. She discovered that in order to achieve the life of her dreams she would not only have to star in that role, she would have to mindfully write the script and direct the action. Not willing to live her life as such a victim, Courteney would have to be responsible for her life experience, stand centered and confident in the truth of who she is and what she wants in order to create the magical life she is enjoying now.

"You can live a very normal life if you don't actually look for things." - Courteney Cox

Courteney has also learned that where focus goes experience flows. She directs her attention on what she wants to bring forth, whether it be on the many homes she renovates and redecorates to the challenging roles and projects she and her husband create with their production company. Instead of regularly scanning the tabloids for gossip about herself and others she knows in the entertainment industry, Courtney devotes her time to what ignites her passion and inspires her Muse. This constant flow of positive energy has given her much of the serenity and peace that is not lost on those who know her.

"She is the most down-to-earth real human being - probably in Hollywood." - Marta Kaufffman, "Friends co-creator on Courteney Cox

Courteney continues to shape her life and expand her career with grace. Once a rebellious teen, Courtney now uses that energy to lend her support for numerous charities including "Stamp Out Violence Against Women in the Congo" and to her friends in their time of need. Sheryl Crow credits having a good friend like Courteney Cox as a force that helped her get through her recent battle with breast cancer. With her new show, "Cougar Town" premiering later this month Courtney flows knowing that she has the personal internal power to create the roles she wants to portray and the life story that is the fullest expression of her potential. I, like many, are looking forward to the next chapter.

"Now I'm much more confident. And I believe that things are exactly the way they are supposed to be." - Courteney Cox


Valery is an Artist Mindset Mentor & Coach who helps creative people get out of their own way so that they can overcome the struggles in the life of an actor, artist and performer. Clients learn how to express their full potential to get out of their own way & stop self-sabotaging behavior. Empower the Wizard Within , inspire your Inner Muse. http://www.InnerWizard.com Get Free "Empower the Wizard Within tips"!

Don't Believe Everything You Think - How To Change Misguided Thoughts

Right now, in this moment, you have everything you think you deserve. You are living the life you believe you are worthy of. Your life experience mirrors your internal self-esteem. If you have an unhealthy low self-esteem you will never enjoy the life you dream of. Even if you achieve success in the accomplishment of a desired goal you will self-sabotage until you are back at a level, a comfort zone, that reflects how you feel about yourself. If you have a healthy high self-esteem you will allow yourself to achieve and enjoy what you want and know you deserve. Even if you experience a dramatic financial loss or traumatic experience you will rebound. You will again create wealth and create newer and better experiences. It's as simple as that.

Know this: The mere fact that you are here on this Earth indicates that you are worthy whether you believe it or not. Each and every person is blessed with a unique talent, a passionate purpose, and the wisdom to express their full potential. This is your birthright. Wherever you are disconnected with who you are at your deepest core is where you will struggle. Wherever you are out of alignment with your truth and what your heart calls forth for you to become is where you will find dissatisfaction, frustration, and desperation.

"The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation." - Henry David Thoreau

All you have to do is spend some time at the check-out lane in your local grocery story and read the headlines on the displayed tabloid magazines to see examples of celebrities who seemingly "have it all" throw it away in a self-destructive act. You shake your head in amused amazement and wonder "What was he thinking?!"

Chances are the inner thoughts of a person who crashes and burns irrationally are something like:

"I don't deserve all the good stuff that I am experiencing."
"It's only a matter of time before 'they' find out I'm not good/talented/smart enough to have what I have or do what I do."
"This (good stuff) won't last."

We can't solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them." - Albert Einstein

Self-destructive behavior doesn't have to be done on a big scale to be damaging. You self-sabotage when you say NO to who you are, No to what you want to have and do. You toss your opportunities away when you resist what will bring you closer to your aspirations. You limit yourself when you find excuses and reasons (F.E.A.R.) why you 'can't' what you 'want'.

If you're a person who realizes that you have had a roller-coaster pattern of self-sabotage you are being run by what I call your own internal Inner Critic who reminds you day in and day out of what you can and cannot do, do and do not deserve. Know, too, that this Inner Critic - the voice of your self-doubt and fear - means well but is woefully misguided. The job of the egoic Inner Critic is to keep you safe, and what will keep you safe is to stay right where you are. You may not like your current circumstance but if it's what you know, it is safe - and comfortable.

If you're a person who can't seem to get out of your own way realize that you are holding yourself back, keeping yourself safe. You've bought into the fear and self-doubt served up by your Inner Critic and your unsupportive thoughts and actions are merely attempts to justify your purchase. You've invested heavily in time and effort in these erroneous thought patterns and you're not willing to toss them out into the garbage bin where they belong. You're not going to buy into a newer, better, belief system.

"Whether you think you can or think you can't, you're right." - Henry Ford

The first step in getting and keeping more of the good experiences and less of the bad is to be willing to not believe everything you think. Stop the insanity by examining your experiences and questioning the thoughts behind the errant behavior pattern. If you fall on your butt take a look at how you slipped up. What were you thinking? If the thoughts behind the actions that ended up in a bad experience were based in self-doubt or fear shine some light upon those thoughts. Ask yourself the following questions about the thoughts you've let run you:

- Are they true, absolutely?
- How do you know?
- What evidence do you have to support this truth?
- Can you find any evidence to the contrary?
- What is holding onto this belief costing you?
- What are you getting out of holding onto this belief?
- Who would you be, what would you do, what would you have if you did not have this belief?

Instead of focusing upon that which you believe you are not, what you cannot be, do or have, turn your attention to who you are, what you have and what you have done that is positive. You'll discover that what you have achieved far surpasses what you have not. You'll realize all the good you have done for yourself and others. Create a new belief, a new perspective about who you are and what you deserve and can experience.

"Many people die with their music still in them." - Oliver Wendell Holmes

Boost your self-esteem by honoring yourself and your dream. You deserve your dream, that's why you have it! Notice when your thoughts, comments and actions take you away from that dream. Mindfully think, speak and act in the direction of what makes your heart sing.


Valery is an Artist Mindset Mentor & Coach who helps creative people get out of their own way so that they can overcome the struggles in the life of an actor, artist and performer. Clients learn how to express their full potential to get out of their own way & stop self-sabotaging behavior. Empower the Wizard Within , inspire your Inner Muse. http://www.InnerWizard.com Get Free "Empower the Wizard Within tips"!

Your Self-Worth - Is It Measured by Your Stuff?

People often associate self-worth to worldly attachments and achievements. During your life, you are always trying to get something, be it education, job, money, or other material pleasures. You feel these things represent your value. The stuff (or lack of stuff) is evidence of how successful or unsuccessful you have been in your life. When you were little you wrote in your “Rule book for life” that more and better stuff meant that you were “more better”.

Time for a New Rule: “I am not my stuff.”

You can have, enjoy and cherish stuff. Good stuff, cheap stuff, luxury items, trinkets, baubles, and bling. No problem there. Where you do run into difficulty is when you use the stuff to define who you are.

“I am a person to be valued. I am as good or better than you! Just look at my Rolex watch or my Prada bag!” This is an internal belief pattern that someone with low self-esteem, low self-worth would have.

A person with high self-worth has the Rolex watch a Prada bag because she likes the design, has a use for a watch and bag, can easily afford such luxury items. The items don’t define her. She knows, with certainty, that she is a worthy person with or without having high-end designer accessories.

Material achievements do not indicate your true self-worth. How you feel about yourself is how self-worth, or self-esteem, is valued. Unfortunately for many, shopping for stuff is what they think will get them from who they think they are to who they want to be. There is not a dress, luxury automobile, or piece of jewelry that can ever make you feel better about yourself at your deepest core. Oh, you may experience a brief ‘high’ when you purchase the item and the boost is momentary at best.

The Inner Wizard within you, the voice of your intuition and inspiration, knows your value. You are the most worthy, most important being in the world to your Inner Wizard. Everything it does is to help you get everything you really want in life, including luxury experiences.

The Inner Critic within you, the voice of your self-doubt and fear, doesn’t recognize your value. It thinks you have little value so it tells you that if you have things that other people think are valuable you will be thought of as valuable too. Your Inner Critic has good intentions, it is just woefully misguided. Nothing outside of you can make you feel better about your self. Self-worth comes from within.

Some people tell me that their Mommy or Daddy never said they were good at anything when they were children. “Woe is me. I never got any positive feedback when I was little. It’s their fault I have low self-esteem.” First of all, you were born with a healthy self-worth. You valued yourself as the most wonderful and most important thing in your world. As a baby, whenever you wanted something you never questioned whether you were worthy enough to have it. You freely asked for it. Demanded it sometimes.

Whether it’s true or not that your parents didn’t give you positive feedback to help you maintain high self-esteem is irrelevant. You can now be your own parent. You can give yourself great feedback. Learn to see and acknowledge all of the good, the value that you bring, to the world each and every day. Every time you smile at someone, you brighten that person’s day. Find things, little and big things, about which to pat yourself on the back as a habit.

The connection between stuff and self-worth is a connection only made by your Inner Critic. Disarm this voice within you and empower your Inner Wizard who has always known your tremendous value. Value yourself as you would have others value you. It begins with you.

I encourage you to eat positive feedback for breakfast! Give yourself a healthy dose each and every morning.


Valery Satterwhite is an Artist Mindset Mentor and Coach who helps creative people get out of their own way so that they can overcome the struggles that often come packaged with the life of a visual & performing artist. Clients learn how to express their full potential deliberately & responsibly to create more passionately, profoundly, productively and profitably. Empower the Wizard Within to actualize and express your full creative potential. http://www.InnerWizard.com. Get Free "Empower the Wizard Within tips"!

Are You Creatively Blocked or Are You Resisting - How to Know the Difference

Artists of every kind; painters, photographers, sculptors and actors will tell me that they are blocked. When we examine their specific challenge we discover that often they are not blocked, the are really resisting moving forward. There is a vast difference between the two. If you're struggling with your creative expression and vocation here's a way to determine whether your are blocked or unconsciously resisting as an artist.

First of all, let's take a look at what the definition of 'block' is. A block, in this context, is an obstruction; something that hinders or prevents the progress of accomplishment. Resistance, on the other hand, is the action of opposing something; a refusal to comply. We also say that something is resistant when it serves as a protective coating.

If you are blocked creatively, you may have doubts about your work, your ability to be successful, your talent. If you are resisting, you have little energy or desire to be creative and take any creative action as an artist or in the business of art. Creative blocks will come and go. Resistance can become chronic.

If you want to know whether your challenge is a block or a resistance look within. Pay attention to your self-talk, that seemingly endless chatter that is with you throughout your waking hours. If this self-talk is telling you that you're not talented or good enough to continue further then this is a block. You are in doubt, perhaps, of your ability to create what you want to express in this particular work. You're stuck, not knowing what next action to take to progressively move forward. You masterfully create distractions to take you away from your art, practice, rehearsal, audition, important meeting. And you've been doing this resisting stuff for a long time. Clearly identify the thoughts that created this blockage, this boulder. Remind yourself that this inner voice of doubt, this Inner Critic, is just a little scared of moving ahead. You're starting to stretch beyond where you've gone before and this little Inner Critic is scared so it is holding you back through inaction, indecision. Choose to take one small step in that direction, and then another, and you'll discover that you're flowing creatively again.

However, if you haven't doodled a noodle, picked up a brush, sung a song, gone to an audition or tinkled the ivories in weeks and weeks and weeks, then you're in a state of resistance. This resistance needs to be closely examined too if you wish to move beyond it. Instead of being in doubt about what's possible you are frozen in fear. What if I fail? If I continue to be an artist as my vocation will I end up living in a box by the side of the road? What if no one likes what I create? What if my work (me) is criticized publicly? Why even bother, when I'll only be rejected again. Will I die, lose my soul, give up on who I am? Deep down inside, you believe that it will be the end of the world if you continue on your path as an artist. In this state you are resisting who you are. You are resisting your own creative expression. And I'm sure you're depleted of energy, exhausted, heavy hearted. Powerless to move forward.

Yes, you are powerless because you have given up your power. If you ask yourself what within you is creating this resistance you may discover that you are shoulding all over yourself. You tell yourself constantly with that self-talk that you should do this, you should do that and yet you don't. I'm sure you have Found Excuses And Reasons (F.E.A.R.) why you can't continue on in your chosen path as an artist that is your birthright. But the truth is, you've become a victim of your fear. You've become a victim of the circumstances, events, and experiences in your life instead of the powerful creator that you are. You may even be feeling an urge to eF Everything And Run (F.E.A.R.); quit being an artist, an actor, a musician, a writer, a singer. You may have decided to 'get a real job'. Truth is, you quit on yourself and that feels terrible. And you are beating yourself up over it. And that feels even worse. This is no blocking boulder, this state is a massive wall of resistance. You are so afraid that you've literally thrown a protective blanket on your burning desires.

Again, it's time to examine your thoughts. This time, you're looking for deeper fundamental beliefs about what's possible for you to achieve as an artist. Perhaps you are reminding yourself that "you'll never earn a living as an artist" or 'artists are not business people and therefore doomed to fail".

Are the thoughts true? According to whom? How can you know, absolutely, that they are true? Can you find any evidence to the contrary? Who would you be, what would you do and what would you have if you didn't have these thoughts? For example if you're Inner Critic is telling you that you'll never earn a living as an artist, own that thought. Bring it up from your unconscious self-chatter into your consciousness. Shine light on it. Examine it. Is this true? According to whom? How can this person or these people know that this is true? Is it absolutely true that you'll never earn a living as an artist? Is any artist earning a living? Find more and more evidence that artists do, indeed, earn a living. If they can, so can you. How would you show up in your day as an artist if you didn't have that thought? What would you do? What would you create? What would success look like to you? Now be that! Hold the feeling you have as you envision yourself as a successful artist within you. Show up in your life, and as you approach your art, in that feeling state. You'll be amazed at the new inspiration, new opportunities that suddenly appear, seemingly out of nowhere for you.

So, You have a choice to make. If you are blocked, you can move beyond it. If you are resisting, you can quit. Get a real job. Tell yourself that you really don't want to be an artist and stop whining about it OR you can dissolve your fear. Which do you choose?

Valery Satterwhite is the Founder of the International Association for Inner Wizards. She teaches artists of all kinds how to get out of their own way, eliminate personal and professional roadblocks, so they can fully express their artistic vision and succeed in the business of art. Empower the Wizard Within, tame the Inner Critic, unleash and Inspire the Muse. Get Free Artist Resource Directory today at http://www.InnerWizard.com.

Affirmations: The Most Important One

“Art is essentially the affirmation, the blessing, and the deification of existence” - Friedrich Nietzsche

While traveling the road of life's journey of growth and fulfillment many people recite affirmations such as "I am rich without a hitch" or "I am strong, I am safe and all is well." These affirmations are used to create and develop a positive attitude to life and what's possible for you in that experience. Even those that do not believe in the power of affirmations will say that they "can't hurt" so you might as well say them.

Affirmations can, indeed, hurt and continue to reinforce the very block that it is being used to overcome. For example if the next thought you have after you recite the above affirmation examples are "But there's a glitch" or "Who am I kidding?" then all you are doing in your continued recitation of the affirmation is to reinforce feelings of not being rich and not being strong, safe and well. All you really do in that case is reinforce the negative. And you continue to stay stuck right where you are without any forward positive movement on your journey.

Before you throw your hands up in despair, there is an affirmation that reinforces a 'can do' positive state of self-esteem and being-ness. It's very simple. Easy to remember. The total affirmation is one word. And that word is...

YES!

The word affirmation means saying YES to yourself, your creative expression, and the life you lead. It is accepting your own unique personhood, your own talents. When you affirm you declare solemnly and formally as true. You declare your individuality. You embrace your life, own it, and let it flow through you. You no longer resist it. The greatest strength you could ever have is in your ability to affirm yourself. This affirmation is the acceptance of yourself in your present as the person you are. Within that acceptance you include qualities that you wish you did not have. In that light, affirmation is the loving recognition of your own integrity and value.

Now, this doesn't mean that you like every piece of every experience that you have. Even with these experiences you can affirm your own life force. You can maintain your personal boundaries and refrain from saying yes to events, issues or people that trouble you. Saying yes in this context is not about accepting whatever gets thrown at you. You affirm your uniqueness, say yes to who you are, even at times when you say no. Saying yes to you is about being at cause. Declaring your right to make decisions. Deliberately creating your experiences and owning those experiences without judgment. Without resistance. If an unwanted event is experienced, you affirm yourself in that experience and through examination of that unwanted event reveal how you were at cause in that experience. And make the correction the next time around. When you affirm your life you have the complete understanding that you form your own experiences and emphasize your ability to do so.

That one little affirmation of yes, delivers to you the power to create anything you want to experience or produce in your life.

Say yes. Yes to what you've experienced. Yes to your right to want what you want. Yes to who you are. Yes to the full expression of your creative soul.

"The supreme virtue in art is soul, perhaps it is the only thing which gives it the right to be.” - Willa Sibert Cather

Valery Satterwhite is the Founder of the International Association for Inner Wizards. The ultimate mission of the International Association for Inner Wizards is to reconnect you with the incredible power that is already within you and to encourage you to recognize it, use it in your creative expression and rely upon this resource that is your birthright. We simply deliver back to you that which is already your own. Learn how to say YES! Get free mini-book "Discover Your Inner Wizard" today at http://www.InnerWizard.com.

Inner Critic: The 4 Year Old Driving Your Car

Life is a journey! It can be a easy free-flowing miraculous journey or it can be a journey of wrong turns, dead ends, crash and burns and arduous uphill routes. Some people are able to move forward in the direction of their dreams; others continue to make wrong turns or get stuck in a rut. If it's the latter chances are you have a 4-year old planning the route and driving the car. Why would you continue to let a child that can't even see over the steering wheel direct your life?

And yet you do.

Who is this child?

It is your Inner Critic. It is that well-meaning yet woefully misguided inner child. And, as a misguided child, it is frighten and doubtful about it's abilities and potential. As such, this Inner Critic serves up internal messages of self-doubt and fear as you think, feel, make choices and act as you move through your life. You, as directed by your Inner Critic, are doing the best you can. So this is not about you being at fault or to blame for the stuck in a rut or wrong turn experiences you have had. The problem lies in the map that your Inner Critic has charted for you. It's a map based on misinterpretation and it is incredibly outdated. By following this useless map, you've travelled down wrong turns, experienced crashes, dark roads and stuck up a tree or in the ditch moments. And yet you continue to use the very same map in your continued effort to get to your destination.

Albert Einstein once said, "You can't solve your problems using the same kind of thinking that created them."

You can't get to your destination using the same map that lead you to wrong turns, crashes, steep uphill slopes and ditches. It just doesn't work. You will not get to where you want to go if you keep using the same map you've been using.

So, what is this map?

The map you're using is the belief system you took on for yourself when you were a little child; starting around the age of four. You realized that you needed some guidelines to help you cope and stay safe in your environment. You don't do your homework and parent says "You'll never amount to anything." At that moment you charted a course that will lead you to "you'll never amount to anything". And you will only go down roads that lead to not amounting to anything, not accomplishing anything. You will self-sabotage your efforts to succeed.

Hey! This is not about blaming parents either! Parents are also doing the best they can. They have your best interests at heart. Young children do not typically understand context. They make broad generalizations out of what they see, hear and feel. I ask parents if they've ever said anything that their child has completely misinterpreted and the answer is always, Yes! Children misinterpret things. You misinterpreted a lot of what you saw, heard and felt.

A well-meaning teacher will say, "Johnny will have to go to the end of the line because his behavior was bad today." And Johnny's map adds the route of "I'm a bad person and should be at the end of the line." And so he goes through life going down roads that will make sure he stays at the end of the line. These roads are the choices that you make based on your map, your thought processes, what you believe about yourself and the world. And it is all based on misguided misinterpretation.

Even if you had a parent who looked you straight in the eye every day and, with clear intention, said "you are worthless" and that's exactly what they meant -- it doesn't make it true. You are the one who took on the validity of that statement and made it part of your map. And you've gone through life limiting what's possible for you because you don't believe you deserve what you want to achieve.

"All our knowledge has its origins in our perceptions." - Leonardo da Vinci

Time to throw out the map and get a new one, with a better charted route!

No, don't throw the Inner Critic out of the car! It's part of you. It loves you and was only trying to protect you and keep you safe in your well mapped comfort zone. Just remove the Inner Critic from the driver's seat. Put him in the back seat with a bankie and a sippy cup. You are going to do the driving from now on.

But, with what map?

Yes, you'll need a map. Remember, the map is your thought patterns and belief systems. If you've been going down the road of "you'll never amount to anything' examine your life. Look for experiences where you have accomplished something. Heck, you've learned how to read or you wouldn't be able to read this article. You've learned how to use a computer too! I'll bet you know how to walk and talk. If you had that Inner Critic map when you were just learning how to walk and talk you wouldn't be able to walk and talk very well today. One fall on your butt or one person correcting your words would have sent you immediately off course because the map was taking you down the road of "You see, you'll never amount to anything. You'll never be able to learn how to walk and talk. You might as well give up. Quit now."

The truth is, you've accomplished a lot in your life. If you notice that you've been down the road of "I can't" look for evidence of when "you could". Change your map from "I can't because" to "I can because". Focus on all the experiences of "I can" that you've had in your life. Look at all the other people who have had the "I can" experience. If they can, so can you!

Deliberately and mindfully changing your perspective of who you are, what you can do, and what is possible for your life experience is the way to chart the course that will absolutely, positively effortlessly take you to your destination. And you might even decide upon a better and bigger place to go!

"You have brains in your head.
You have feet in your shoes.
You can steer yourself any direction you choose.
You’re on your own. And you know what you know. And YOU are the guy who’ll decide where to go."

- excerpt from "Oh! The Places You’ll Go!" by Dr. Seuss

Valery Satterwhite is the Founder of the International Association for Inner Wizards. The greatest gift Membership can give you is to reaffirm the integrity of your own being. Within you lies all the knowledge about who you are, including your challenges and desires. The ultimate mission of the International Association for Inner Wizards is to reconnect you with the incredible power that is already within you and to encourage you to recognize it, use it and rely upon this resource that is your birthright. We simply deliver back to you that which is already your own. I guarantee no wrong turns will be made on your life's journey when you are empowered and guided by your Inner Wizard, your muse and personal guidance system. Get free mini-book "Discover Your Inner Wizard" today at http://www.InnerWizard.com.

Aging: A Powerful Beauty Tip

In today's abundance of beauty lotions and potions, nips and tucks, that serve to resist and camouflage the signs of aging we rob ourselves of the most powerful beauty enhancement resource available to mankind. I'm speaking of the aging process itself.

The prevailing and repetitive message we get in today's media and societal consciousness is that youth is good; old age is bad. Youth is viewed as vibrant and desirable whereas old age is considered a burden and a deterioration of the body and soul. People fear aging and believe that if youth is relevant, they will become irrelevant in the autumn of their lives. Beliefs about age, like other beliefs, shape your experience. If young adulthood is considered the best time of life then old age is viewed as the opposite, a time of failure and decay.

Many who follow such beliefs try to hide from themselves desperately trying to be and stay young. The look upon their reflection in the mirror with horror as they watch their face slowly slide off of their face as the skin loses its elasticity. Some people fear aging so much that they are willing to slice and dice themselves into a sometimes unrecognizable appearance to ward off any evidence of the birthdays celebrated.

I get that people want to look the best they can. I want to look the best I can. Looking your best is about showing your finest self, not resisting yourself or even denying who you are and have become. The truth is, youth and old age have their place within the framework of spiritual growth. Each plays an important role. Old age is a highly creative part of living. People sometimes misinterpret the return to the playful appreciation of life expressed by many in their elder years as a sign of a detachment from the busy and 'relevant' world.

When a person becomes older and retires the mind is freed to use more, not less, of its abilities. There is a return to the luxury of creating with abandon. Shoulds and 'must dos' give way to whimsy. Some believe that this change is a sign of mental deterioration and think that their age has betrayed them, made them less than in some way. Some elderly people give into these beliefs as they view themselves as leftovers, shadows of their better selves and useless. The sad thing is many elderly people allow themselves to become their beliefs to conform to the societal definition of old age.

My father celebrated his 93rd birthday a few months ago. I flew to Miami to be with him on his birthday. While I love my Father dearly we've had a delicate relationship over the years. He didn't know what to make of me and I viewed him as cold and cantankerous. As I aged I realized that the two of us were stuck in what we thought a father and daughter 'should be' instead of allowing ourselves to experience who we are. Over the years my visits with my father seemed to be about whether or not I had a man in my life yet or whether or not my paycheck was big enough. I don't know what his perspectives of our visits were. I wouldn't be surprised if he felt that I didn't see him for who he was either. Truth is, I didn't.

What I saw before me on the day of my Father's 93rd birthday was a man with a glimmer in his eye, several jokes up his sleeve and an appreciation for that moment in time. And he was excited about the day ahead. What a delight! Here was the Father I had always wanted. He was there all the time. I never knew it. I never saw it. While he was busy being relevant in his younger working years, he let go of his creative joyful spirit. In his old age, he allowed himself to return to a state of grace. A state of grace is relevant, vibrant, influential and inspirational if we just take a moment to acknowledge the gift before and within us.

Grace is beautiful. People who live within a state of grace are beautiful. In the years spent busy building careers and hanging onto youth for dear life we are often in anything but a state of grace. We're stressed, restless, desperate, agitated; so busy busy busy doing that we forget about being. Embracing the approach of old age restores our state of graceful being-ness and the light within us shines. Nothing is more beautiful.

Perhaps one day society will cherish and value the wisdom and state of grace found in old age. Perhaps one day we will allow ourselves to openly rejoice our advancing years. Perhaps that day is today.

Valery Satterwhite is the Founder of the International Association for Inner Wizards. The greatest gift Membership can give you is to reaffirm the integrity of your own being. Within you lies all the knowledge about who you are, including your challenges and desires. The ultimate mission of the International Association for Inner Wizards is to reconnect you with the incredible power that is already within you and to encourage you to recognize it, use it and rely upon this resource that is your birthright. We simply deliver back to you that which is already your own. I guarantee no wrong turns will be made on your life's journey when you are empowered and guided by your Inner Wizard, your muse and personal guidance system. Get free mini-book "Discover Your Inner Wizard" today at http://www.InnerWizard.com.