When you show up with love in your heart, what is returned to you is pure love.
While I knew this piece of universal wisdom to be true, I never experienced it so profoundly as I did the other day. I flew to Miami to see my aging ailing Father. I have a good, although not very close, relationship with Dad. My childhood was tumultuous. My parents went through a long drawn out battle of a divorce that left a lot of emotional debris. My father, who was a renowned neuro-psychiatrist, went on to make some horrendous decisions in his personal life. His misguided thinking and its outcomes were splattered across the media headlines on more than one occasion. Other bad choices liquidated the wealth he had built up over his lengthy career.
I defined my Dad by these life-altering choices. Taking the lessons I learned with my as I watch his life experience crash and burn, I made different decisions – took different paths – in my own life. What I didn’t know, until the other day, that the greatest gift I would ever get would be from my Dad.
This week my Dad taught me the following:
1. You do not know what you do not know
2. The natural human spirit creates life and faces the end of life with grace and dignity.
3. As long as there is breath in our lungs there are gifts in the lessons that can be learned – we continue to grow.
4. When you show up with love in your heart, what is returned to you is pure love.
In earlier visits with my Dad I showed up as if I was fulfilling a family obligation. I had my expectations about what the short time we spent together would be like and got exactly what I expected. Year after year. All I did was reaffirm what I thought to be true about my Dad and my relationship with him; Dad was a selfish SOB and he never knew or cared much for me.
This time I knew it might be the last time I would see him while he was still lucid. He’s bedridden and cannot see or hear very well. I prepared his tiny meals and fed him as I would any infant. Sitting at his bedside I decided that I would give him the gift of closure, peace of mind, so that he could let go comfortably. I decided to arrive in a state of love instead of expectation.
I wasn’t prepared for what I experienced. Here was a man who I thought was devoid of emotional tenderness, any interest in who I am as his daughter, and full of himself. Who I experienced was a man stripped of all ego, all parts of him that he used to cope with his own inner pain, freely expressing his truth. It was the most profound awakening I have ever witnessed. The awakening wasn’t within him. This new perspective came from within me. I woke up to who my Dad really is at his deepest core and it rocked my world.
Dad expressed the lessons he learned, his love for me, my siblings, his wife whom he was once estranged and his love of life. While his Alzheimer’s made it difficult for him to fully communicate what he wanted to say he spoke of his appreciation for life and all that it had to offer. When his memory failed he would fill in the gaps with a little joke, a rhyme or pieces of an old song that surfaced out of nowhere. I was captivated and engaged as an observer and witness to the joy and delight that is my father. My time with him flew by and I longed for more.
I kissed him goodbye when I left. The flight home was tearful as I felt a wave of stuck toxic energy within me release itself. The resulting hole in my inner being was filled with love and appreciation for the resiliency, enormous power and inner wisdom that is the human spirit. I am grateful that I had learned enough of my own lessons to get out of my own way so that I could experience what I never thought possible….to know and love and be loved for who I am for and by my Dad.
I was completely wrong about who I thought my Dad was. His actions were always well intended yet his choices of execution were woefully misguided through his own Inner Critic, his own pain. Dad is a man filled with love for his children and his purpose in life, to heal others in pain. He never gave up his quest to become the man his heart longed to express. I was blessed to be a witness as he revealed his truth, all that he had learned, and all that he still had to share.
I invite you to show up with love in your heart the next time you visit with what you assume are your dysfunctional family relationships. Give yourself the gift of the profound power, energy and lessons that can be learned through the purest expression of the human heart.
Valery is an Inner Wizard Mindset Mentor & Coach who teaches people how to be the hero of their opportunity instead of the victim of circumstance so they can fully invest themselves authentically in their personal and professional endeavors. Empower the Wizard Within http://www.InnerWizard.com Free tips!
Showing posts with label pain. Show all posts
Showing posts with label pain. Show all posts
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
Friday, February 19, 2010
How to Stop A Downward Spiral
Have you ever felt a little out of control, perhaps short-tempered, not in a good place, spiraling downward and not sure why? I help lots of people every day rise above this state so that they can master their opportunities instead of continue to crash and burn as a victim of their circumstance.
So you can imagine my surprise when I recognized that I was smack in the middle of my own tumble and fall.
It happens. To everyone. The key is to be aware of where you are so that you can examine what brought you to that place so you can turn yourself back around.
A downward spiral starts with an event or two that sets off a trigger. This charge stirs up old outdated coping behavior that only serves to add energy to the emotional roller coaster. Events in and of themselves do not cause stress. It is what we have these events mean for or about us that ignites the fall from grace.
In my case it was the notification and the cold realization that my Father won't be with us for very much longer. He lives 3,000 miles away and I only see him a couple of times a year. I fly in and fly out as quick as I can for the obligatory visit. We were never very close.
I made my peace with my Dad years ago. He's 94 years old so I've been well prepared for this day for a few years. Even with a good attitude, the life he's living now hardly able to walk with very little eyesight or ability to hear isn't what he wants. So why was I on such a downward spiral, unable to get out of my own way?
I stopped everything that I was doing so that I could quiet my mind. In the silence, that calm inner wisdom, what I playfully call the Inner Wizard, spoke to me. It told me that I was not reacting to the eventual death of my Dad, I was beginning to mourn the loss of not having a warm loving close relationship with my Father - ever. If he was gone, then it is certain, I will never know what that kind of parental relationship feels like. This pain, this profound sadness, had been buried deep within me all these years without me realizing it. And now that pain was bubbling up to the surface. I allowed myself to feel the deep inner pain of that realization.
After some time, I turned my attention to the lessons I learned as a result of the dysfunctional parental upbringing I went through. I understood that my Father, too, never had much of a childhood. He came from a very poor family, raised himself on the streets of East Orange, New Jersey and became a recognized expert in his field. His personal life was riddled with his own downward spirals, major crashes and severe burns. I learned a lot of valuable life lessons as the observer of his life experience. I also knew that he was always well intention, just very misguided by his own inner pain, his jabbering Inner Critic. How could my Father express his love for me when he couldn't even love himself.
As a child I thought he considered me to be a disappointment, a moron. His word for me, "lamebrain", echoed in my mind. Through my own personal journey of self awareness I realized that everyone is doing the best they can with the light they have to see. My Father was just misguided and misdirected. Even as a brilliant neurologist, he was missing several batteries in his flashlight when it came to his own perception of himself and the world.
What I discovered as a result of having gone through the experiences, the pain, the sadness, the anger, resentment, the self-loathing enabled me to turn all of that into forgiveness, peace, joy and unconditional love. I discovered that he really did, and does, love me. I would not be who I am today without my Dad. I may not have reached a point where I felt so lost and shut down to muster up the courage and the strength to do something about it. I became committed to claiming my truth, owning my power and commanding my life direction. I love who I am and what I do in my life today - teaching others how to do the same.
Wow. My Father went through a lot of pain to give me a priceless gift. He gave me the gift of empowerment and self-actualization. We are complete. I now feel nothing but love for him. At peace, and off the downward spiral, I booked a flight to see him so I could tell him, in person, how much I love him and thank him for all that he has given me.
You have the power within you to turn around irrational coping patterns that manifest as emotional tornadoes of angst. Downward spirals are a signal that you have a tremendous opportunity to rise above, reach even greater levels of expanded awareness and possibility. If you are in such a state, love and value yourself enough to get the gift in the profound lessons you can learn to heal and grow.
Valery is an Inner Wizard Mindset Mentor & Coach who teaches people how to be the hero of their opportunity instead of the victim of circumstance so they can fully invest themselves authentically in their personal and professional endeavors. Empower the Wizard Within http://www.InnerWizard.com Free tips!
So you can imagine my surprise when I recognized that I was smack in the middle of my own tumble and fall.
It happens. To everyone. The key is to be aware of where you are so that you can examine what brought you to that place so you can turn yourself back around.
A downward spiral starts with an event or two that sets off a trigger. This charge stirs up old outdated coping behavior that only serves to add energy to the emotional roller coaster. Events in and of themselves do not cause stress. It is what we have these events mean for or about us that ignites the fall from grace.
In my case it was the notification and the cold realization that my Father won't be with us for very much longer. He lives 3,000 miles away and I only see him a couple of times a year. I fly in and fly out as quick as I can for the obligatory visit. We were never very close.
I made my peace with my Dad years ago. He's 94 years old so I've been well prepared for this day for a few years. Even with a good attitude, the life he's living now hardly able to walk with very little eyesight or ability to hear isn't what he wants. So why was I on such a downward spiral, unable to get out of my own way?
I stopped everything that I was doing so that I could quiet my mind. In the silence, that calm inner wisdom, what I playfully call the Inner Wizard, spoke to me. It told me that I was not reacting to the eventual death of my Dad, I was beginning to mourn the loss of not having a warm loving close relationship with my Father - ever. If he was gone, then it is certain, I will never know what that kind of parental relationship feels like. This pain, this profound sadness, had been buried deep within me all these years without me realizing it. And now that pain was bubbling up to the surface. I allowed myself to feel the deep inner pain of that realization.
After some time, I turned my attention to the lessons I learned as a result of the dysfunctional parental upbringing I went through. I understood that my Father, too, never had much of a childhood. He came from a very poor family, raised himself on the streets of East Orange, New Jersey and became a recognized expert in his field. His personal life was riddled with his own downward spirals, major crashes and severe burns. I learned a lot of valuable life lessons as the observer of his life experience. I also knew that he was always well intention, just very misguided by his own inner pain, his jabbering Inner Critic. How could my Father express his love for me when he couldn't even love himself.
As a child I thought he considered me to be a disappointment, a moron. His word for me, "lamebrain", echoed in my mind. Through my own personal journey of self awareness I realized that everyone is doing the best they can with the light they have to see. My Father was just misguided and misdirected. Even as a brilliant neurologist, he was missing several batteries in his flashlight when it came to his own perception of himself and the world.
What I discovered as a result of having gone through the experiences, the pain, the sadness, the anger, resentment, the self-loathing enabled me to turn all of that into forgiveness, peace, joy and unconditional love. I discovered that he really did, and does, love me. I would not be who I am today without my Dad. I may not have reached a point where I felt so lost and shut down to muster up the courage and the strength to do something about it. I became committed to claiming my truth, owning my power and commanding my life direction. I love who I am and what I do in my life today - teaching others how to do the same.
Wow. My Father went through a lot of pain to give me a priceless gift. He gave me the gift of empowerment and self-actualization. We are complete. I now feel nothing but love for him. At peace, and off the downward spiral, I booked a flight to see him so I could tell him, in person, how much I love him and thank him for all that he has given me.
You have the power within you to turn around irrational coping patterns that manifest as emotional tornadoes of angst. Downward spirals are a signal that you have a tremendous opportunity to rise above, reach even greater levels of expanded awareness and possibility. If you are in such a state, love and value yourself enough to get the gift in the profound lessons you can learn to heal and grow.
Valery is an Inner Wizard Mindset Mentor & Coach who teaches people how to be the hero of their opportunity instead of the victim of circumstance so they can fully invest themselves authentically in their personal and professional endeavors. Empower the Wizard Within http://www.InnerWizard.com Free tips!
Thursday, February 5, 2009
EFT is Unconditional Love
Many people have discovered the Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) to relieve emotional blocks and stress. EFT was developed on the basic discovery that the cause of all negative emotions is a disruption in the body's energy system. Tapping with specific attention and intention to relieve an emotional block on the body's meridian points - acupressure instead of acupuncture - the body's energy system will realign and remove a disruption or block, thus altering emotional behavior patterns within the individual.
People beat the drum and beat the drum with their story. "I'm not fill-in-the-blank enough" to whatever, or "I did or felt some unwanted thing" and "that's why I can't be, do or have what I want in life" is the story many people tell themselves and others throughout their life. And they subconsciously work hard to make sure the story stays true. It's how they identify themselves. People may not like their story but it's what they know so it's safe and comfortable. The disrupted life is all they know even these same people long for some other way of being.
EFT has helped many people get out of tired old limiting and often painful comfort zones.
How does EFT work? Is it really about tapping with intention on the body's meridian points? Could be, yet that doesn't explain why many people find relief using EFT while missing every point along the meridian. Many people don't even tap, they just imagine themselves tapping and find relief. So, how does EFT really work?
EFT starts with a set-up statement while tapping on the fatty part of the side of the hand - the karate chop point. This statement has the following structure:
"Even though I have this (fear, pain, issue, conflict, unwanted thing), I deeply and completely love and accept myself."
Let me repeat the last part of that sentence, "I deeply and completely love and accept myself".
For many people this is the first time they've ever uttered, let alone thought, that they could deeply and completely love and accept themselves. All emotional healing is a process of profoundly loving and accepting oneself. An unconditional love of self.
Yes, people can and do behave badly. Mistakes are made. Yet no one gets out of bed in the morning and says "How can I cause problems for myself and others today?" No one deliberately self-sabotages or hurts others. Everyone is doing the best they can with the light, the emotional intelligence, they have to see. And some people have a few more batteries in that flashlight than others. Yet, everyone is doing the best they can.
The key to unconditional love of self and others is this understanding that even when woefully misguided you and everyone else is doing the best they can. Even the most horrible action was thought to be a good idea for the person committing it. Not much light in that flashlight!
Instead of beating the drum about your story of 'not enough' or 'can't because', beating yourself up, love and accept yourself as someone doing the best he or she can. Shine some light upon yourself. Give yourself permission to change your story and be, do or have enough so you can be, do and have whatever you long to be, do and have. Forgive and let go of your perceived limitations and mistakes. Embrace the gift in the lesson learned. Find evidence to the contrary of "I'm not enough".
Unconditional love is the freedom and release of fear, pain and all limitation. You are meant to be and express unconditional love. When you limit this expression you limit yourself. And the greatest energetic power is unconditional love. It is available to us at any moment we focus upon it. Unconditional love is the creative force of your unlimited possibility!
"One word frees us of all the weight and pain in life. That word is love." - Sophocles
Valery is the Founder of the International Association for Inner Wizards. Learn how to tame your Inner Critic, the voice of your self-doubt and fear, and empower your Inner Wizard, your intuition and inspiration, to effortlessly turn your dreams into reality. Everything you need to be, do and have is already within you. Your Inner Wizard is the best coach, guide, guru, teacher and shaman you could ever hope to have. Let your Inner Critic take a back seat, with a blankie and a sippy cup, as you deliberately place your Inner Wizard power in the driver seat as you drive towards your rich delicious life. I guarantee no wrong turns will be made on your life's journey when you are guided by your Inner Wizard. Get free mini-book "Discover Your Inner Wizard" today at http://www.InnerWizard.com.
People beat the drum and beat the drum with their story. "I'm not fill-in-the-blank enough" to whatever, or "I did or felt some unwanted thing" and "that's why I can't be, do or have what I want in life" is the story many people tell themselves and others throughout their life. And they subconsciously work hard to make sure the story stays true. It's how they identify themselves. People may not like their story but it's what they know so it's safe and comfortable. The disrupted life is all they know even these same people long for some other way of being.
EFT has helped many people get out of tired old limiting and often painful comfort zones.
How does EFT work? Is it really about tapping with intention on the body's meridian points? Could be, yet that doesn't explain why many people find relief using EFT while missing every point along the meridian. Many people don't even tap, they just imagine themselves tapping and find relief. So, how does EFT really work?
EFT starts with a set-up statement while tapping on the fatty part of the side of the hand - the karate chop point. This statement has the following structure:
"Even though I have this (fear, pain, issue, conflict, unwanted thing), I deeply and completely love and accept myself."
Let me repeat the last part of that sentence, "I deeply and completely love and accept myself".
For many people this is the first time they've ever uttered, let alone thought, that they could deeply and completely love and accept themselves. All emotional healing is a process of profoundly loving and accepting oneself. An unconditional love of self.
Yes, people can and do behave badly. Mistakes are made. Yet no one gets out of bed in the morning and says "How can I cause problems for myself and others today?" No one deliberately self-sabotages or hurts others. Everyone is doing the best they can with the light, the emotional intelligence, they have to see. And some people have a few more batteries in that flashlight than others. Yet, everyone is doing the best they can.
The key to unconditional love of self and others is this understanding that even when woefully misguided you and everyone else is doing the best they can. Even the most horrible action was thought to be a good idea for the person committing it. Not much light in that flashlight!
Instead of beating the drum about your story of 'not enough' or 'can't because', beating yourself up, love and accept yourself as someone doing the best he or she can. Shine some light upon yourself. Give yourself permission to change your story and be, do or have enough so you can be, do and have whatever you long to be, do and have. Forgive and let go of your perceived limitations and mistakes. Embrace the gift in the lesson learned. Find evidence to the contrary of "I'm not enough".
Unconditional love is the freedom and release of fear, pain and all limitation. You are meant to be and express unconditional love. When you limit this expression you limit yourself. And the greatest energetic power is unconditional love. It is available to us at any moment we focus upon it. Unconditional love is the creative force of your unlimited possibility!
"One word frees us of all the weight and pain in life. That word is love." - Sophocles
Valery is the Founder of the International Association for Inner Wizards. Learn how to tame your Inner Critic, the voice of your self-doubt and fear, and empower your Inner Wizard, your intuition and inspiration, to effortlessly turn your dreams into reality. Everything you need to be, do and have is already within you. Your Inner Wizard is the best coach, guide, guru, teacher and shaman you could ever hope to have. Let your Inner Critic take a back seat, with a blankie and a sippy cup, as you deliberately place your Inner Wizard power in the driver seat as you drive towards your rich delicious life. I guarantee no wrong turns will be made on your life's journey when you are guided by your Inner Wizard. Get free mini-book "Discover Your Inner Wizard" today at http://www.InnerWizard.com.
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