How to Stop A Downward Spiral

Have you ever felt a little out of control, perhaps short-tempered, not in a good place, spiraling downward and not sure why? I help lots of people every day rise above this state so that they can master their opportunities instead of continue to crash and burn as a victim of their circumstance.

So you can imagine my surprise when I recognized that I was smack in the middle of my own tumble and fall.

It happens. To everyone. The key is to be aware of where you are so that you can examine what brought you to that place so you can turn yourself back around.

A downward spiral starts with an event or two that sets off a trigger. This charge stirs up old outdated coping behavior that only serves to add energy to the emotional roller coaster. Events in and of themselves do not cause stress. It is what we have these events mean for or about us that ignites the fall from grace.

In my case it was the notification and the cold realization that my Father won't be with us for very much longer. He lives 3,000 miles away and I only see him a couple of times a year. I fly in and fly out as quick as I can for the obligatory visit. We were never very close.

I made my peace with my Dad years ago. He's 94 years old so I've been well prepared for this day for a few years. Even with a good attitude, the life he's living now hardly able to walk with very little eyesight or ability to hear isn't what he wants. So why was I on such a downward spiral, unable to get out of my own way?

I stopped everything that I was doing so that I could quiet my mind. In the silence, that calm inner wisdom, what I playfully call the Inner Wizard, spoke to me. It told me that I was not reacting to the eventual death of my Dad, I was beginning to mourn the loss of not having a warm loving close relationship with my Father - ever. If he was gone, then it is certain, I will never know what that kind of parental relationship feels like. This pain, this profound sadness, had been buried deep within me all these years without me realizing it. And now that pain was bubbling up to the surface. I allowed myself to feel the deep inner pain of that realization.

After some time, I turned my attention to the lessons I learned as a result of the dysfunctional parental upbringing I went through. I understood that my Father, too, never had much of a childhood. He came from a very poor family, raised himself on the streets of East Orange, New Jersey and became a recognized expert in his field. His personal life was riddled with his own downward spirals, major crashes and severe burns. I learned a lot of valuable life lessons as the observer of his life experience. I also knew that he was always well intention, just very misguided by his own inner pain, his jabbering Inner Critic. How could my Father express his love for me when he couldn't even love himself.

As a child I thought he considered me to be a disappointment, a moron. His word for me, "lamebrain", echoed in my mind. Through my own personal journey of self awareness I realized that everyone is doing the best they can with the light they have to see. My Father was just misguided and misdirected. Even as a brilliant neurologist, he was missing several batteries in his flashlight when it came to his own perception of himself and the world.

What I discovered as a result of having gone through the experiences, the pain, the sadness, the anger, resentment, the self-loathing enabled me to turn all of that into forgiveness, peace, joy and unconditional love. I discovered that he really did, and does, love me. I would not be who I am today without my Dad. I may not have reached a point where I felt so lost and shut down to muster up the courage and the strength to do something about it. I became committed to claiming my truth, owning my power and commanding my life direction. I love who I am and what I do in my life today - teaching others how to do the same.

Wow. My Father went through a lot of pain to give me a priceless gift. He gave me the gift of empowerment and self-actualization. We are complete. I now feel nothing but love for him. At peace, and off the downward spiral, I booked a flight to see him so I could tell him, in person, how much I love him and thank him for all that he has given me.

You have the power within you to turn around irrational coping patterns that manifest as emotional tornadoes of angst. Downward spirals are a signal that you have a tremendous opportunity to rise above, reach even greater levels of expanded awareness and possibility. If you are in such a state, love and value yourself enough to get the gift in the profound lessons you can learn to heal and grow.

Valery is an Inner Wizard Mindset Mentor & Coach who teaches people how to be the hero of their opportunity instead of the victim of circumstance so they can fully invest themselves authentically in their personal and professional endeavors. Empower the Wizard Within http://www.InnerWizard.com Free tips!